26Colorado Springs, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I have noticed that if I put exactly what I'm looking for here, I just get messages from whiny guys who want me to top them and no one else and if I don't put it here I get messages about why I'm not fucking dudes right that second because I should have a magical teleporting pussy or something. So, you know. Fuck me, I guess.

I mean that in the fuck my life way, not the literal way but you're welcome to try I suppose.

Also despite the many allusions to sex here i have plenty in my life and am completely into people i don't have sex with.

This site says I'm less good-natured but I don't know why because I'm clearly a fucking ray of sunshine. Fuck you.

I wear red lipstick because I'm a fucking badass and I like the way it looks on coffee cups and cigarettes. I don't like the way it looks on my fingers or the rest of my face. I'm always struggling.

I have a 52oz coffee mug I use every day. I think this says that I need to self-medicate with caffeine but I'm kind of ok with that.

I really want to change my username but there are more important things I need to spend money on. Like electricity.

This is what I know. There is not just one person out there for you. In fact, there are probably many people out there for you. It is possible that I am one of them. It is possible that I am not. Either way, I am never boring.

Let's just say my vagina has a guest book and the pages are hard to get onto.

Not all rectangles are squares, but all squares are rectangles, just like not all sluts are prostitutes, but all prostitutes are sluts. In this analogy, I am a rhombus. Take from that what you will.

That said, I'm a pisces ENFP with an attitude. I love cats and hugs and cuddling and I love sleeping with my significant other all cuddled up together. I want world peace and I find myself wondering why people can't just get along already. I am open to people of all races, creeds, genders, sexes, weights, and ethnicities.. I am willing to give just about anyone a chance. Personality is really what is important to me. I am not exactly perfect, but I try very hard to constantly improve myself.

I am a messy roommate, but I'm passionate and loving and I don't do anything half-way. Seriously, I have a somewhat addictive personality, I get new interests and I fulfill them to death until I can't stand them anymore. I do the same cycle with my "favorite" foods. Except bagels. I will always love bagels. I have been pierced 17 times. Regardless of my degree, I often forgo punctuation and capitalization.

My ex's profile complains about people who like you but never message you. I think it's much worse when you mutually like each other, you message the person and then they never answer. Like um hello, I am showing initiative and you're a dickhole. Hmmph.
I care about what I am doing, but if what you are doing does not have any effect on me, get on with your bad self.

Because we live to self-flagilate, we have three cats in our smallish apartment. One of them (Jayne) is trying so hard to make out with me right now, making this quite difficult. Their names are Jayne, Spooky, and Wash. Two are from something, one we didn't pick ourselves.
What I’m doing with my life
I moved to Colorado Springs at the end of July 2015 and am looking for new friends and whatnot. Also I became a mom in November of 2015 which is equal parts amazing and terrifying. I have the most adorable son in the universe.

I'm a graduate of Penn State University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Creative Writing with a minor in English. No, I'm not going to teach. I'm going to write. (Edit: apparently I'm going to get my masters with intent to be a professor. Shut up.) I spend a lot of time gaming. Also, collecting all things Hello Kitty.

I told my friend Scooter that he should change his "first thing people notice about me" to his lederhosen. Girls love lederhosen.

I spend a lot of time reading.
I’m really good at
Being awkward. Making chainmaille
Eating cheese.
Watching Netflix for superhuman periods of time.
Shitting D&D dice.
Making sentences out of words.
Falling down.
Fiddling with my hair until it looks terrible.
Doing makeup like a drag queen.
Being annoying.
Making lists ad nauseum.
The first things people usually notice about me
My "neutral face" looks constantly sad, like my puppy just died or something. I promise, I'm not, my face just relaxes into a frown. See: resting bitch face

Green eyes.

When I met 4thechelon from OKC, he told me I was prettier in person than in photos.

My friend Michael recently told me, "you have this warm feeling energy that makes people feel good by just being near you even without talking." I do not know if this is true or not.

I only had sex with one of those two people, by the way, so at least one of those compliments was probably true.
Also I have a ridiculously gigantic ass.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: The Birth of Venus, John Dies at the End, The Wheel of Time, Slouching Towards Bethlehem, Devil in the White City, The Name of the Wind, The Way of Kings, Choke, Dry, Truth and Brightwater, Fahrenheit 451

Movies: The Princess Bride, The Labyrinth (David Bowie is a SEX GOD), Zombieland, Scott Pilgrim, Fried Green Tomatoes

Shows: Doctor Who, Supernatural, Bones, Orange is the New Black, The Fosters, Attack on Titan, No Game No Life, Sword Art Online, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
Music: My most frequent Pandora stations are Say Anything, Krewella, AWOLNATION, Lindsey Sterling, Pierce the Veil, Die Antwoord, the Spill Canvas, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy
I am very attracted to lyrics. I think I want to just make a list of lyrics I like here. But it might just become like some weird plagiarized poem thing and there are a lot of lyrics in the "you should message me if" section.

Food: Bagels, sushi, pasta with cheese sauce, coffee, ice cream (mint chocolate chip or peanut butter cup), tortellini, cheese of basically any kind besides blue, asparagus, chinese, and milk in large quantities.
Six things I could never do without
1) List-making
2) The way really loud music with a lot of bass makes my insides feel
3) Skin and other organs
4) Sex and everything to do with it
5) The internet and the crazy trolls who inhabit it
6) That's what she said jokes

You should be impressed that I actually only made a list of six things for this given the rest of my profile.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Consensual crucifixion.
How long it takes for a giraffe to swallow anything.
Boys who look like pretty girls and girls who look like pretty boys and how much those things turn me on.
How pissed off people make me.
My friend who, in order to deter girls he doesn't like who message him on this website, tells them he has a fantasy of shaving a woman's armpits and licking honey off of them after killing a man.
Subspace, D/s, bondage, why I'm a masochist and not a sadist. EDIT: My newly discovered sadistic side? Whaaaaat?
Things to add to my "you should message me if" list.
Boys with really long hair.
Girls with undercuts and piercings and the most flawless eyeliner ever.
The sexual orientation of the members of Fall Out Boy.
Cosmetic amputation.
The last time I slept with your mother.
My fury over people who disagree with me politically.
The depressing/impressive number of questions I've answered on this site.
My hair.
Bad juju.
On a typical Friday night I am
That sort of depends. I often hold jobs where I work 3pm-11pm on weekends. If not, I quite enjoy cannabis and video games.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am really good at convincing myself that lies are true. It has not served me well.
You should message me if
You like people who are obnoxious but funny, slow to move but fast to love, easy to tease but also easy to hug, great at kissing but not so good at walking in a straight line, a little messy but a lot of fun.

You think the glove compartment is inaccurately named.
You like my face.
You enjoy talking with a Ravenclaw.
You are good at grammar and punctuation.
You will buy me ice cream.
You read my whole profile and want to berate me for wasting your time.
We have a 0% match percent and an enemy % above 80.
You really like giraffes.
You get your news from Philip DeFranco.
You want to read my writing.
You don't mind that I'm kind of a hipster.
You are a gentleman but not a gentle man.
You know the difference between there, they're and their.
You know the difference between your and you're.
You will watch scary movies with me.
You want me to edit something you wrote.
You think Martha is a highly under-appreciated companion.
You thought anything I said was interesting.
You know what the fox says.
You are totally accepting of my lifestyle and want to be friends with my partners.
You know that a lot is a quantity and an alot is a fuzzy beast made of whatever you want it to be made of.
You thought I was uninteresting and want to tell me so, like the guy who told me that my profile was exceedingly long and not interesting enough to warrant the length.
You will let me see your animal side.
You aren't annoyed by the above column of you's.
You laughed at least twice while reading my profile.
Triangles are your favorite shape because they're three points where two lines meet.
You hail the glow cloud.
I'm the bat and you'll be my cave.
You were born to rage.
You have cats and I can cuddle them.
You will let me shave your head. For science.
Your name starts with letters A-M.
You won't be offended when I correct your grammar and spelling.
You are androgynous.
You won't ever have rough sex with Molly Connolly again.
You play HoN.
Eloise never meant that much to you.
You will give me a massage.
You know what "G.I.N.A.S.F.S." stands for without looking it up and also know the lyrics to the song of the same title, or at least who it's by.
You want to smoke with me.
You are already in love with me.
You think chainmaille is cool.
You have stolen my heart.
You need to lower your standards.
You can read my palm or give me a tarot card reading.
You love wine and want to share a bottle.
You think that arts and crafts stores are addictive in the best way. Ditto bookstores, especially locally owned ones.
You play a MOBA you think I should try.
You are interested in joining my race to answer every question on this website.
Your name starts with letters N-Z.
You have answered more questions than me.

Listen, if you're going to message me and immediately tell me why my lifestyle is wrong, why I'm stupid for being in my relationship, or why you think I'm otherwise fucking myself over, just don't. I'll just block you. Also, if you message me and tell me I'm pretty/hot/cute/sexy/beautiful/gorgeous/whatever like that I'll just tell you I know and it will be the end of the conversation. And if you say just hey/hi/hello/whats up or something to that effect, I probably won't respond. It's fine if you say more than one of those things, just you know, add more than that please. Additionally if you lead with anything about sex I'm just going to laugh at you.
The two of us