Live every week like it's shark week.
I fit the archetype of "the nice guy". Sucks sometimes but overall is clearly the superior path. Because being nice is nice. I try to be as posi as I can because I ain't got no time to waste on being upset, fuck that noise. Be happy with what you have to be happy with.
I am a karaoke wizard.
I like going to punk shows and stuff. I try and speak as deliberately as I can because wording can be everything; I like the idea of meaning what I say, and saying what I mean.
My sense of humor ranges from moderately high brow to stupid internet memes, and I think I’m fairly capable of distinguishing where and when is best to use which.
I'm quick to call myself kind of stupid when making a fool of myself, but I realize this isn't fair. I'm just really, really good at being awkward.
I'm the guy who will make faces with children in public because they started it, and stop to pet every cat I encounter, ever.
At any given moment, there's about a 60% chance that "You Can Call Me Al" or the Fresh Prince theme are stuck in my head.
I kind of wish life was an 80s movie.
Settling my score with all the Mega Man games I was incapable of beating as a child.
being logical and fair. Also overanalyzing things. I’m pro at that. Finally, I’m great at knowing useless facts.
Being that guy who can type really fast.
Anagrams, spoonerisms, and bad puns, as well as wordplay in general. Linguistic elasticity is a favorite thing of mine.
Knowing when to use parentheses for comedic effect, I think.
EDIT: My beard is currently on hiatus. His cousin, sideburns, is staying with me during the interim.
EDIT TO THE EDIT: (yes I like taking jokes too far) Beard is back, but sideburns have just booked a flight to town.
Also, my hair has kind of turned into this ghastly part mohawk part pompadour part curly mess, and I think I enjoy it.
Update: fashion mullet.
Further update: (see above) No more mullet, now it's just weird again.
Latest update: I have conquered the yeard, just got my official man card and plaque in the mail. Also mullet-thing seems to keep coming back.
Movies: I've seen the Nolan Batman movies an embarrassing number of times (Batman Begins about fifteen, The Dark Knight closer to thirty, and The Dark Knight Rises three and a half times in theaters alone), Rush Hour 2, Wes Anderson, The Coen Brothers, David Fincher, Christopher Nolan, Guy Ritchie, Steven Soderbergh, Quentin Tarantino. My favorite types of movies are psychological thrillers and heist movies, but I think that’s just because I’m a guy.
Also Primer. I've seen this movie easily a dozen times now and I still don't fully understand it. It's about time travel and just fuck.
Music: A lot of it. My favorite genres seem to be grindcore, mathcore, powerviolence, noise rock, progressive rock, post-punk/goth/new wave, and underground hip hop.
Poison the Well, King Crimson, The Dismemberment Plan, Boards of Canada, and Fugazi are pretty much my favorite bands. Earl Sweatshirt and MF DOOM are probably my favorite rappers. But, I promise my tastes are all over the place. www.last.fm/user/duezce. Also The Birthday Party.
I like chugga chugga guitars, blast beats, obnoxious synthesizers and the Wu Tang Clan.
I wish I could sing like Jordan Blilie or Jon Anderson.
Food: I’ll try most anything but seafood. Also I think avocado might be my only allergy. I’m not vegetarian or vegan, but I eat plenty of food that is, and I love me some Krishna Lunch. I tend to like trying Indian and Asian food in general, but I’m open to whatever.
Adventure Time, Arrested Development, Bored to Death, Community, Firefly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Knowing Me Knowing You with Alan Partridge, The Mighty Boosh, Mr. Show, New Girl, Spaced, Wilfred, Workaholics.
Also I like video games. Bioshock might be my favorite ever, because it's damn near perfect. Gorgeous art deco dystopia, fantastic story (with a truly mindblowing plot twist or two), and you can shoot bees out of your hands.
You can shoot BEES. Out of your HANDS.
My mind/the ability to think freely.
Some kind of writing utensil.
Someone to listen to my ramblings.
Also, the more I think about it, I'm really glad I'm not lactose intolerant. I'd be a really depressed person if I couldn't have milk.
Everything. I think about thinking and then I try and remember how I got to what I was thinking about and then I have no idea what I'm thinking about. I get lost in my head a lot, and then I put off writing anything about it down. I have multiple half-finished journals.
The two stories I’ve been planning out since middle school, and yet never write anything for. I kind of daydream about them a lot. I think of whole conversations that never happen, just in case I need to explain myself in some unlikely situation.
Whether or not I should try to buy a keytar.
Lots of things. I'm definitely a thinker, though not necessarily a productive one.
The fact that I live on a rock suspended in infinite nothingness, and that people seem to forget this when they try to act important and pretend they understand anything at all.
Bill Murray, and how disappointing Chevy Chase is compared to him.
I kind of want to be that weird guy the neighbor kids are all terrified of and are convinced I'm a serial killer or something but then I turn out to be James Earl Jones and the kids are all like whoa.
You'd be willing to bounce theories about Primer off each other. You like to stare up at the moon.
You want to go for a bike ride.
You'd like to grab a beer.
You think that the fact that there is even a universe is crazy and that existence makes no sense at all, but you're glad it happened to happen.