29Cardiff, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
Young, Jaded & Spack

Anything the guy below me can do I can do better (and I'm quadriplegic).

Plus the guy above me just called me a nasty word.
What I’m doing with my life
Making my online-dating profile seem so jaded I won't expect any mail.

(That, making a sitcom and stand-up comedy, but bragging about that would be arrogant, right?)
I’m really good at
Making people laugh and supporting others...

Well, yeah, not so much the second come to think of it. Or the first. Damn.
The first things people usually notice about me
My Cerebral Palsy - yeah, it shouldn't be the first thing but people eat poo. That includes the way I walk, it's as hot as f**k - one leg kicks the other as it follows through. And my voice is deep and sexy (read: slightly slow and unclear). Are you having hot flushes already?

That I'm normally manipulating social tension to the point people are forced to be comfortable.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Music: lots of bluesy/folky sub-dad-rock and a few weird newer bands. E.G Neil Young/Neil Young & Crazy Horse, Richard Thompson, ZZ Top (ignore the naff glam stuff, they were, and always will be, one of the tightest blues-rock bands ever), The Hamsters, Groundhogs, Jimi Hendrix, Larry Miller (not the comedian), Rory Gallagher, Walter Trout, Gary Moore, Bob Dylan, Buddy Guy, (PETER GREEN-ERA) Fleetwood Mac, The Black Keys (before they got all Radio 1-friendly), The White Stripes (PRE-Elephant), Muddy Waters, John Lee Hooker, Aynsley Lister, Oli Brown, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, REM, David Bowie, Pearl Jam, The Lemonheads

Food: I eat an amount that could only be acceptable for a dude with a condition that means he burns off s**tloads. I LOVE homemade food even though I can't cook myself. I can't understand vegetarianism. Sorry.

TV: static (The black line is clearly experiencing a lot of sexual tension around the white, I wish they'd just **** and get it out of the way.)

(Unfortunately the first two of the three are entirely accurate)

TV try #2: Curb Your Enthusiasm, Breaking Bad, The Thick Of It, The Wire, Louie, Not The Nine O'Clock News, Arrested Development, Brass Eye.
Six things I could never do without
A brick wall to shout venom at.
Fine Food
The Internet
Belts - though the f***ers never stay fastened! If I start adjusting myself mid-date (as we're CLEARLY going to go on one) do excuse me but it's either that or get more of an eyeful than you bargained for. (HA 'eyeful', and they say I'm not modest!)
My half-drainpipe-on-strings gadget that enables me to put my socks on
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Funny little tangents I could go off on in my sets (then forget them when I'm on stage/near a pc to write them down on)
When the time will come when I'll have to accept spaces between words and punctuation marks are acceptable and stop wanting to brutally murder said 'offenders'.
What my next meal will be
How much I hate David Cameron
What George Osborne's face will look like after I've run it over in my heavy-duty mobility scooter
Why the phonetic qualities of the words 'mobility scooter' are such a comic goldmine
Why people think 'Oh My Darling Clementine' is cheesy (Drove she ducklings to the water, Ev'ry morning just at nine, Hit her foot against a splinter, Fell into the foaming brine.

Ruby lips above the water, Blowing bubbles, soft and fine,But, alas, I was no swimmer, So I lost my Clementine.

How I missed her! How I missed her, How I missed my Clementine, So I kissed her little sister, I forgot my Clementine.)
On a typical Friday night I am
At a gig (on or off stage)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
The above and below are trademark examples of my very twisted sense of humour, but apart from that I'm an open-mic comic trying to break through who loves his friends dearly (even if that love often is shown through drawn-out exchanges of insults)... I'm very into my blues/rock/folk, I love my food and, believe it or not, I'm a Guardian-reading lefty. My Cerebral Palsy is on the mild-side of moderate*, feel free to ask about it, but providing there are enough dropped-kerbs going out is definitely not a problem! [In fact, I'll find a way even if I am plagued with a lack of dropped-kerbs, it'll just involve more swearing!

Also, the few times I've "got lucky" those poor ladies have been slightly older than me, so if you're rocking the 29-33 age range and you're surprised to hear from me, I'm just playing to what appears to be my target audience.

*This is in comparison to the numerous cases I've come across but to the lay eye it could well be moderate-severe.

But whether it's mild/moderate or severe, the most important thing is I get the eff out there! And no, I can't have sex and I'm clearly on a dating site just to make myself more frustrated about the fact I can't have sex. (Was that written in sarcasm? I guess you'll have to message me to find out.)
You should message me if
You've figured out bits of this are factual and bits aren't and you're yet to learn that once you go spack...

Or you want to beat Superman and you need some crip-tonight. (Say it out loud... Think about it... Yeah, now you've got it!)
The two of us