35 Minneapolis, United States
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My self-summary
I'm a mild-mannered mail room clerk at the Hennepin County Family Justice Center. By working for the government, I am now, by default, the man. Somebody has to be.
I should let you know that, no, I cannot provide you with discounted postage, weddings, or child support obligations.

My friends say (OK, so only one said it out loud) that I have a take-no-shit attitude; specifically, she said, "You can read people and when people are being jackasses, you tell them they're being jackasses." What can I say to that? I have a low tolerance for jackassery.
What I’m doing with my life
I play air drums when nobody's looking.
I don't know if you'd call me an avid cyclist but you can usually find a pair of wheels under my ass either around the Chain of Lakes or on the way to the bank or the grocer's. And speaking of food...
I cook a lot. I get down with fusion cuisine even if the term makes it sound pretentious. Speaking of being pretentious...
I'm an aspiring author, so rare is the night that I'm not found working on a novel. And when I've hit writer's block, I make up for it by writing record reviews. Speaking of music...
I make music of my own when I get a chance to not bother my neighbors. When pressed for a description, I'd call it heavy punk rock with a twist of Mancini. You can hate my band by going here:
And to relax, I like to spend some quality time with my sketchbook or a crossword puzzle, drinking bloody marys.
I’m really good at
"I make a good cake and the ladies seem to like me." If you recognize that quote, we'll get along just fine.
I make a mean salsa. My specialty is a navel orange and jalpeño variety. I also make a marinara that will knock your socks off. Folks of actual Central American or Mediterranean heritage may poo-poo my culinary efforts; I don't know, I haven't asked any of them.
I can also fix a decent cocktail, finally mastering the art of the Rob Roy.

I'm really bad at
Using all of my vegetables and herbs before they go bad. Drawing the same thing twice (which is why I never landed a job at Marvel comics). Being tolerant of shitty, shitty music. Twerking.
The first things people usually notice about me
Yeah. The beard. Everybody notices the beard. Sometimes, I don't have it, though. Be prepared for that eventuality.
I was twice told about my eyebrows, which was weird.
I don't know. Perhaps I should be chuffed that women are looking at my face. You know, as opposed to that weird Kuato guy growing out of my abdomen. It just makes things awkward when they keep staring at it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My favorite author, hands down, is Anthony Burgess.
I like 80s sci-fi, classic horror, and Cold War era spy movies.
TV? Mystery Science Theater 3000 (particularly seasons two through five), Broad City and Nathan for You when Hulu's not being shitty, the endlessly quotable PhoneShop, Danger 5 is probably the best comedy ever, The Wire is tops. 30 Rock is so brilliant, I can usually find a Liz Lemon quote in either .gif or YouTube format that's applicable to our conversation.
If it's on my phone, it's probably my current favorite record. You can see my record collection here: ... what I've been listening to lately or right now here: ... and my current favorite here:
Lately, I've been listening to a lot of my friends' bands: Joe 4, Nonagon, and CHINA. I think my favorite record ever is Marquee Moon. Either that or Entertainment!. Or Songs About Fucking. Or Special Wishes. Pylon's been getting a lot of spins, lately.
Favorite food? Currently? Tzatziki. (Yes, I know it's a condiment.) I don't know. Food is a pretty big world. How you going to narrow it down to one thing?
The six things I could never do without
It's a pretty simple list...
My guitar (any of my guitars, really).
My skillet and chef's knife.
Pencils and sketchbook (they kind of go together).
My bike
I spend a lot of time thinking about
My friends, really. I like making art that satisfies my whims and if it impresses my friends, all the better. I like making my friends laugh; I think my jokes suck until they laugh and then I laugh. I really try to impress them with my food and if they don't like it, they can fuck off down to McDonald's.
On a typical Friday night I am
I just quit my night job so I'm actually curious as to what daywalkers do on Friday nights; I haven't had one off in two and a half years.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm fairly certain that all blind people are telepathic; thus I try to clear my mind when I'm next to a blind person.
Further, I'm a grown man, I know how to cook, I know what constitutes actual food. I pay attention to my health and the nutritional qualities of what I eat. But if you put a Hot Pocket in front of me, you'll see an empty plate, because that thing's going in my face-hole.
Also? Don't tell anybody, but Daft Punk is playing at my house.
At my house.
You should message me if
If any of that up there sounds like the kind of guy you want to talk to for a minute, go ahead and message me if you want to meet up for a coffee or a beer.
Be warned, though, I don't consider text-speak to be a language and further, you're an adult with a qwerty keyboard in front of you; 'B4' is not a word, it's a bingo call.
Also? If you message me, you should know that Björk is my future ex-wife. So let's keep it non-committal, ladies. After all, you're just one more stepping stone between me and the Björk-ster.
Oh, and if you're not a cat person, thanks for playing.