28New Orleans, United States
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My self-summary
Collecting lint, reading difficult words on the back of food labels, sniffing the binding of a good book.
What I’m doing with my life
Cleaning my room, one square inch at a time.
I’m really good at
Punting thingz.
The first things people usually notice about me
I have face cancer.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Sears catalogs are useful when I run out of toilet paper because the pages are extra thin and they don't seem to harm the septic tank...

Music leads to dancing, which leads one into temptation to have SEX. (BURN IN HELL, ELVIS!)

I like to start my mornings off right with a fresh can of vienna sausages and melba toast. Come evening, I enjoy the occasional gas station burrito delicately garnished with chili, cheese, jalapanos, and onions via the nacho station. They usually don't charge me extra, but on the off chance Habib is working, he will. F*ck Habib. When that happens, I just abandon my burrito and go down the street to the soup kitchen and eat for free; 'MURICA F*CK YEAH!
Six things I could never do without
Jerry Springer
Summer's Eve (keep dat body klean UH)
masking tape
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to remove 325lbs of premium grade A ground meat off of my front porch. See, I had plans to open a restaurant and got a little ahead of myself. I got a great deal off the interwebz, but now I don't know what to do with it and it's starting to rot. Every dog within a five mile radius is on my porch gnawing at this massive box of stank... I'm seriously getting scared. I've gotten numerous complaints from neighbors, and I'm expecting to be summoned fairly soon. Anyone who's willing to lend me a hand/let me use their forklift would be greatly appreciated.
On a typical Friday night I am
Oh, ya know, just gettin' my normal burrito... might grab a bottle of Boone's, cause it's the freakin' weekend, ya feelin' me?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I wouldn't touch that "back massager".
You should message me if
- You have a forklift/know how to handle hungry, meat-driven dogs.
- Coach McGuirk is your hero.
- You want to paint yourself in zebra stripes and free all the animals in the zoo.
- You think you might want to be friends. *THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE WILL. You have to tell me WHY you think we should be. Bitch, I don't need you, I got friends fo dayz- you should be honored I'm giving you this opportunity! ...I'm like, popular n shit.
- It'll make me giggle
- You got it goin' on, oh yeaaahhh!
- You are within the age range listed.
- You understand the fact that I'm super busy & I don't need you peepin' in my ear about not returning your goddamn message... like every other woman in my life!
- You understand the fact that I'm not a goddamn tour guide. Oh, you're visiting and want me to show you around? NO. Stop it.
The two of us