27Minneapolis, United States
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My self-summary
What has four legs in the morning,
two legs in the afternoon,
and three legs in the evening?
I don't know, but I've trapped it in my bedroom. Send help. Please, send help.
What I’m doing with my life
I put beer in cans during the week and serve people beer over the weekend and I get PAID to do that. The world is an amazing place.

I also really enjoy beer.

Bourbon is good too.

I have poor time management skills, but I'm rarely late.

I have only a few hobbies and writing fake Craigslist ads is one of them.

I set up a recurring haircut appointment every 4 weeks with the same stylist and I think to this date that is maybe the most adult thing I've ever done.

Slowly learning what "financial responsibility" is. That is, until the next shiny thing I HAVE TO FUCKING HAVE pops up on an Amazon Prime Lightning Deal.

I have two cats. I take a lot of pictures of them. A LOT. They are named after Pokémon.

I really, really hate puns. Fight me.
I’m really good at
Riding a bike while intoxicated.
Struggling with bikes while sober.
Making poor impressions.
Abusing the quicksave/load feature.
(Alternatively, being bad at videogames.)
Being bad at most kinds of games.
Making coffee.
Making jokes only I find funny.
Forgetting someone's name the second I stop talking to them.
Accidentally ending text messages with " b" instead of "."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'm constantly about 8 years behind the times in just about all forms of media. I just found out about this cool new thing called "electronic music". Have you heard of Crystal Castles? They're great!

I bought a copy of Atlas Shrugged for $2.99 at a thrift store. Way cheaper than buying firewood at a convenience store!

I don't like mushrooms, but I ate one recently and didn't hate it.

I've been known to watch a TV show or movie here and there.
Six things I could never do without
La Croix
My bikes.
Self deprecating humor.
My ability to count to six.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What would've happened to René Descartes if he hadn't thought.
Why I don't use the word "hubris" more often.
Is peanut butter an addictive substance?
How I can abuse the power I'm given.
Did I use enough emojis in that last text?
Fried cheese.
Why Charizard and Gyarados aren't Dragon type, but Alola-form Exeggutor is ???????!?!?!?!!!
When society will ultimately collapse into pure dysfunction and chaos. Though I'm guessing the answer is 2017.
That thing I just did that I should've fucking done differently god dammit, fuck, I'm so goddamn stupid.
On a typical Friday night I am
Pouring beer for other people to drink. After that, pouring beer for me to drink. After that, playing Horizon: Zero Dawn on my couch until I eventually fall asleep on it wearing all of my clothing and possibly my shoes.
You should message me if
Look, I'm not your mother. Do whatever you want.

But if grabbing a beer and having a strongly opinionated discussion on the finer points of things such as manual brewed coffee preparation, Pokémon, cats, bikes, Arrested Development, the Kingkiller Chrinicles, etc sounds like something you're into, then say hi.
The two of us