26 Minneapolis, United States
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My self-summary
What has four legs in the morning,
two legs in the afternoon,
and three legs in the evening?
I don't know, but I've trapped it in my bedroom. Send help. Please, send help.
What I’m doing with my life
I serve people beer, and I get PAID to do that. The world is an amazing place.

I also really enjoy beer.

Bourbon is good too.

I have poor time management skills.

I have only a few hobbies and writing fake Craigslist ads is one of them.

I can fix bikes.

Slowly learning what "financial responsibility" is. That is, until the next shiny thing I HAVE TO FUCKING HAVE pops up on an Amazon Prime Lightning Deal.

I have two cats. I take a lot of pictures of them. A LOT. They are named after Pokémon.
I’m really good at
Riding a bike while intoxicated.
Struggling with bikes while sober.
Justifying collecting useless bullshit.
Making poor impressions.
Abusing the quicksave/load feature.
(Alternatively, being bad at videogames.)
Being bad at most kinds of games.
Making coffee.
Making jokes only I find funny.
Forgetting someone's name the second I stop talking to them.
Accidentally ending text messages with " b" instead of "."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'm constantly about 8 years behind the times in just about all forms of media. I just found out about this cool new thing called "electronic music". Have you heard of Crystal Castles? They're great!

I bought a copy of Atlas Shrugged for $2.99 at a thrift store. Way cheaper than buying firewood at a convenience store!

I don't like mushrooms, but I ate one recently and didn't hate it.

I've been known to watch a TV show or movie here and there.
The six things I could never do without
African coffees.
My bikes.
Self deprecating humor.
My ability to count to six.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What would've happened to René Descartes if he hadn't thought.
Why I don't use the word "hubris" more often.
Is peanut butter an addictive substance?
How I can abuse the power I'm given.
Did I use enough emojis in that last text?
Fried cheese.
Why Charizard and Gyarados aren't Dragon type, but Alola-form Exeggutor is ???????!?!?!?!!!
When society will ultimately collapse into pure dysfunction and chaos. Though I'm guessing the answer is 2016.
That thing I just did that I should've fucking done differently god dammit, fuck, I'm so goddamn stupid.
On a typical Friday night I am
Pouring beer for other people to drink. After that, pouring beer for me to drink.
You should message me if
Look, I'm not your mother. Do whatever you want.

That being said, if you enjoy bikes, beer, coffee, podcasts, sci-fi, distilling the mechanics of Pokémon Go into a fine science, etc we may get along.