TomInNapa
46 Napa, United States
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TomInNapa
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My self-summary
I'm calm, centered, and contemplative. Relationships are important to me -- friends and family. I feel that life is all about the connections we make with other people, and the ways we can make each others' lives better.

I'm optimistic, spiritual (but not religious), curious, compassionate affectionate and kind. A good listener and communicator.

I'm looking to connect with people who are centered and grounded. Confident in who they are. Mature and independent, yet looking for someone to enjoy life with. Someone able to talk openly and honestly about their feelings, and hear me talk openly and honestly about mine. Someone who isn't afraid to love and be loved in return.
What I’m doing with my life
Getting my priorities straight after ending a 10 year marriage to the wrong person in 2013. Looking to connect with old friends and find people with shared interests to become new friends. Trying to make the lives of those friends better.

I'm a software engineering consultant, and spend my free time reading, snowboarding, practicing yoga, and playing pinball.
I’m really good at
Writing computer software, something I've been passionate about since I was 13. For me it's a form of creativity, like poetry.

Being present and not focusing too much on the past or the future.

Physical intimacy, giving big hugs, snuggling/cuddling, massaging, sensual touching and kissing, yet respecting your boundaries.
The first things people usually notice about me
My thick, curly brown hair, my green eyes and my warm smile.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Recently getting back into reading and loving it. I like Neal Stephenson, William Gibson, Ursula Le Guin, Michael Pollan, Michael Lewis, and Malcolm Gladwell. Recent non-fiction includes Awakening Joy, The Untethered Soul, and Ethical Slut. Also catching up on classics I hadn't read: Moby Dick, Fahrenheit 451, Catcher in the Rye, The Great Gatsby, Saul Bellow's Henderson the Rain King. Loving the monthly book club meeting at Napa Bookmine.

Recent movies that I enjoyed: Life of Pi, Silver Linings Playbook, Looper, Inception, Argo, Moonrise Kingdom, All is Lost, Guardians of the Galaxy, Boyhood, Predestination.

I gave up cable so I'm not watching much TV now. I can't stand sitcoms with a laugh track (sorry Big Bang Theory lovers). Recently caught up on past seasons of The Newsroom and Game of Thrones now that I can subscribe to HBO without cable. Currently watch Modern Family and stream or watch a movie or two on DVD.

I enjoy a wide range of music, including jazz, EDM, the Beastie Boys, Daft Punk, Pink Floyd, Annie Lennox, The Beatles, Coldplay, Jay-Z, Lenny Kravitz, Moby, No Doubt, and U2.

When it comes to food, I'm an omnivore, but I love vegetables, and don't need meat in every meal (everything in moderation). I also enjoy cooking, baking and grilling.
The six things I could never do without
family, love/compassion, great food and wine, learning new things, good friends, kissing/cuddling/physical intimacy
On a typical Friday night I am
Spending time with people important to me. Maybe out for a walk downtown for drinks and good food. Maybe in for cuddling on the couch with a DVD. Playing pinball with friends. Sometimes enjoying a quiet night to myself with a good book or interesting project.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
It's not a big secret, but I'm passionate about pinball. I run a pinball league in Solano County, and manage a 120+-person tournament in Dixon every May. I like to think that it's cooler than a bowling, but it's still pretty geeky.
You should message me if
You want someone interesting to spend time with. You're down to earth and don't wear a lot of makeup. You're strong and independent, but still like to cuddle. You like to read actual books (Kindle counts). You value openness and emotional intimacy.

You're OK being with someone non-monogamous. I consider all the people who are close to me/important to me in my life "friends". Some of those friendships are deeper emotionally than others. Some involve differing degrees of physicality. Some are lifelong and some are short-lived. I spend more time with some of them than others. That's how I see non-monogamy: it's given me the freedom to have lots of relationships with lots of people and all of those relationships have the opportunity to find their authentic, full expression, whatever that might be.

Definitely message me if you're in a place where you desire physical intimacy (e.g., cuddling, massage, co-sleeping, and/or kissing) without sex. I can respect that space (was there myself once) and remain present to it without pushing for more.
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