28 Atchison, United States
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My self-summary
First off, you have to be able to make me laugh; though if you're cute enough, you can just sit there and I will laugh anyway. I'm not looking for anything super-serious, nor am I interested in a casual fling, because both of these concepts terrify me equally. I love animals, especially cats, because they depend of me and seem to sort of love me, but are by their nature very emotionally distant, so I get to keep pursuing them forever without consequence. Please don't message me if you're one of those "furries" though, I'm not a perv lol!!
What I’m doing with my life
I read alot, though in addition to writing "alot" as one word I misuse apostrophe's dont use commas dont properly punctuate and completely fuck up prepositional phrases, of which I don't know anything about. Thus, I am either lying about my reading habits or am too thick to pick up basic rules of syntax from professionally edited prose. I also write terrible poetry lol!!
I’m really good at
I currently have a very demeaning job, but lofty aspirations of becoming a nurse. I want people to desire me and call for me and depend on me, even if it's only because I control the Jell-O supply. I want men to be sick and in pain and to smile helplessly up at me from a gurney, because they're less scary that way. Hopefully a doctor will propose to me, because I would never marry a fucking male nurse lol!!
The first things people usually notice about me
As a girl I am required to believe in astrology, so I do. To demonstrate my cluelessness as to how this particular scam works, I will now describe myself using seemingly contradictory universal human qualities: I am really warm and outgoing, even though you might not be able to notice at first, because inside I'm very shy; especially with a guy I like, but if we get to know each other you might be surprised by how wild I can be lol!!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I could write a long, uninformative list of my favorite movies of wildly varying quality and inconsistent themes, but it's more efficient to say I enjoy a good series of colorful moving images, so long as they make me feel warm and fuzzy for reasons I am too philistine to articulate. I especially like stuff with sexy vampires, because that genre brilliantly appeals to both my fear of male sexuality and my latent rape fantasies, substituting cannibalism for physical lust. But remember, no biting on the first date lol!!
The six things I could never do without
I have hobbled myself financially and emotionally by accidentally having a kid, who is beautiful and wonderful and the light of my life. I know it can seem awkward dating a single mother, but I'm going to make it even worse by stating right up front that my child is the most important thing in the world to me and if you have a problem with that you can fuck off right now! If you're horny enough to try and fuck me despite my unnecessary abrasiveness, please know that I will be testing you like a lab rat by putting you and my terrified spawn in the same room together to study how you get along. You will be expected to perform even better than you did when you met me, because in reality you're sort of dating us both. Are you the son of a single mother? You will enjoy reliving those terrible memories of meeting your mom's "new friend", but this time from the opposite perspective. It's like time travel lol!!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Despite my wedlock-free procreation, my attraction of demonic vampires and my flirtations with the paganist practice of astrology, I consider myself a devout member of whatever strain of bronze age monotheism my parents tricked me into believing. It's very important your parents indoctrinated you into a similar antimaterialist cult, because I don't want to be the only one filled with soul-crushing guilt when I inevitably blow you in your car. After all, I am a free-spirited, independent, sexually liberated woman, as is strongly advocated by my religion's holy book, which I have apparently never opened. Geez, I'm starting to sound like Mother Teresa lol!!
You should message me if
In conclusion, I like take charge, confident, intimating, dominant guys who are much bigger than me, so quit being a spineless pussy and message me! I look forward to judging you based on criteria that are in no way related to my abusive stepfather.