28 Denver, United States
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My self-summary
Hello fellow okcupid.com user, I'm Chris. Welcome to my profile. A fabulous bastion of information about me awaits.

* I'm a Denver native who has moved around the country a few times but have yet to find a place I've liked more than my hometown.
* I play percussion instruments, dabble in strings, and own an accordion. Though I probably use it more than any of my other instruments, I am not particularly good at the accordion. I have been paid to professionally play music exactly once in my lifetime, a night playing in a vibraphone-trumpet jazz duet at a bar. I made $150 plus tips. That was a pretty good night.
* Despite being a Colorado native, I've never liked camping, skiing or snowboarding.
* If it seems an inordinate amount of my pictures involve musical instruments or sports, it's mostly because I only ever seem to get pictures taken of me when I'm playing something or at a game.
* I've been known to play a vidya or two in my time. I use Jigglypuff in Super Smash Brothers. This is only because I learned long ago that people absolutely hate losing to Jigglypuff. I also main Mercy/Zenyatta in Overwatch because I'm a healslut who can't aim. (It's not high noon when I play McCree; it's usually about quarter to ten.)
* Hockey and soccer are my favorites, but I'll watch most sports if you put them in front of me. (Exception: other than March Madness, I don't usually do Basketball.) My team preferences include a garglemesh of teams from Buffalo and Colorado, with a garnish of European and Asian soccer on top.
* I use the word 'garglemesh' sometimes. I think it's a noun.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm currently a jack of all trades at Walgreens. Stop on by and see if I'm doing photo or cosmetics on that particular day! Other jobs I have had in my life include exterminator, English tutor, sports talk radio producer, marching band pit instructor, live infomercial pitchman, and guy who screams at people to buy programs outside of Cirque du Soliel. My job history has been described (by me) as 'colorful'.

Most of my free time is spent making videos for the internet. For some reason, a number of people actually watch them.

I've dropped out of college so many times that I should probably get an honorary degree in dropping out of college.
I’m really good at
Striking up conversations in bars with strangers, playing vibraphone solos over blues progressions, getting audiences higher than a single digit for my drunk video game streams at 2 am, pretending like I'm a decent accordion player, and writing soccer game recaps while drunk.

Some other stuff too, but those are the important ones.

Where's the list of things I'm really BAD at? That's a heck of a list, right there.
The first things people usually notice about me
I have a baritone voice (with range!) and I've been known to be spotted wearing an accordion, so probably one of those.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'll be honest, I haven't read nearly enough in the past few years. We'll just say I like autobiographies, science texts, comedic short story compilations, daily comic strip collections, informational & witty coffee table books and forensic crime novels.

Anything by Pixar, and UHF. (That's the Weird Al movie. If you ever go to see Weird Al in concert with me, you'll notice me quoting along with it incessantly. It's worth noting that if you are going out with me, you're totally going to have to see Weird Al live at some point.) I don't watch movies all that often, at least not in theaters.

Avenue Q, Little Shop Of Horrors, Into The Woods, Godspe-

Oh, you meant TV shows? I enjoyed Breaking Bad, I suppose? I'm also a big fan of House. Past those two, I don't have many binge-watching guilty pleasures outside of 90's sitcoms that nobody else watches anymore. I don't have a TV and rarely watch newer shows. 99% of my television experience involves sports. If I actually had a TV, it would probably just be on Food Network or something all the time.

I try not to discriminate based on genre, but I know what I like. I specialize in classic rock and jazz, though there's a special place in my heart for pop music from all eras. My celebrity crush is Lady Gaga. I despise music snobs. (In this particular case, 'music snob' means anyone who thinks that any particular artist or piece of music is intrinsically bad.)

I have a fairly bland palate. My favorite food is likely the Turkey, Bacon & Mayonnaise sandwich, followed by the Cinnamon Raisin bagel with cream cheese and the Kraft Mac & Cheese dinner. I'm not what you would call a gourmet, but the only thing I'll flat out refuse is seafood.

When it comes to Alcohol, I'll drink many varieties of rum, whiskey, vodka and cider. If you're looking for specifics, I'm usually found drinking Strongbow or some manner of whiskey-ginger ale. I have the alcohol palate of a 16-year-old white girl.

I have an aversion to anything bitter, and as such I don't like beer.
The six things I could never do without
Musical instruments, science, a good pair of shoes, internet-enabled devices of all sorts, sport, and those rare few jokes that nobody but myself finds funny, but that I will laugh at for hours unending because I'm easier to amuse than a toddler.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Chord progressions and how bad I am at writing lyrics. The ins and outs of the English language. Japanese variety shows. Sports, the tactics behind them, and the oddities of team loyalty. Whether or not the existence of rheumatologists is actually a horrendous myth that people have used to keep me complacent. How it's possible that I can like watermelon and cantelope so much, yet dislike honeydew. Potential stand-up comedy routines that will never be used. How poorly I would perform if I were put in a professional Overwatch tournament. How I could potentially make it so this section isn't filled with sentence fragments. Relationships. Cheeseburgers. Relationships with cheeseburgers.
On a typical Friday night I am
At a bar drinking, on the internet goofing around with people I've never met while playing online video games or out watching or playing a sporting event. Sometimes I'm at a bar drinking while on the internet and watching a sporting event.

This is actually out of date mostly because I work every goddamn Friday night these days. Booo.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Three things one couldn't glean from all of the above: I'm asexual and disabled both physically and mentally. Good times!
You should message me if
* You can tell me what color my eyes are. My driver's license says they're hazel. Some people have told me that they're actually green. Back when I was in Florida, my roommates were convinced that they were blue. I personally call them "blue-green" most of the time. I don't even know any more.
* You're asexual. I need more ace friends, goddamnit!
* You know that there is only one A in 'Accordion' and no A in 'Burgundy'.
* You want to hear about the time that I was essentially kidnapped and taken to a Blues jam bar.
* You need a sports guy on your pub quiz team.
* You also follow a variety of bad sports teams and want someone to commiserate with.
* You main a tank or defense character in Overwatch and want a healer (and part-time mediocre McCree) on your team.

Actually, you should probably just message if you are of the same species as me.