Here's a redo:
I'm not gonna do that thing where I pretend that "I don't want to/dislike talking about myself" and "just don't know what to write here."
Sure I do; so do you.
That's why we're out here.
So here's some stuff about the essential me: I'm a swell person who likes to talk, but will also actively listen to you. I'm not a handsome man, but I make up for it by being funny. While I believe that when you ladies say that "sense of humor" ranks high in the list of attributes you look for, that this is a big scam, I have a sense of humor.
I will use it on you.
In interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that I use a wheelchair. I have Cerebral Palsy. It is something that I deal with. I am more afflicted by your possible inability to deal with it. If this is issue for you, I get it... I do. That's cool. You know what? I don't want to settle either. But I don't see how this affects our ability to have an actual bona fide date, wherein we occupy the same place at the same time, have some laughs and talk about the fact that I'm learning to play the ukulele and you can quote "Dirty Dancing" over some Middle Eastern food or something.
Or more than a date sometime, if it goes there.
This is a DATING site and I am on it.
You know that guy you want who makes his own furniture but, you know... also fixes babies? He's not a real guy.
I'm a real guy.
I have a framed photo of Martin Luther King with Sammy Davis Jr. and James Baldwin in my house... it reminds me that I can have a dream, and I can be a voice -- and I can do it, yes I can!
I am loquacious, jovial, and quirky
I write... which I did not get into because I am funny, weird and socially retarded -- but, frankly... all those things help.
I have a degree in Journalism but decided I wanted to teach English instead, so I went back... it's a process.
I can do voices to entertain and enthrall... it's a thing, man.
No one has ever died from my cooking.
If it's internet -based noticing, probably the fact that I can spell and don't write in any kind of shorthand, text-speak, leet speak -- whatever the hell that is -- or generally like the liner notes/lyrics insert of a Prince album.
Books: This is difficult. I read a lot. I can give you authors I dig: Neil Gaiman, Haruki Murakami, Ralph Ellison, James Baldwin, Junot Diaz, Wally Lamb, Amiri Baraka, Saroyan, Salinger... Cervantes.
Movies: Anything with Jimmy Stewart in it; Hitchcock stuff, Shawshank Redemption; Annie Hall (if you don't like it/don't "get" it, I probably won't let you get close to me). The Christopher Guest films, e.g., Guffman, Best In Show, Mighty Wind, For Your Consideration.
Music: Ben Folds, Elvis Costello, BB King, Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Mel Torme, They Might Be Giants, BNL, showtunes, 80s, Motown, rap that was rapped when I was in Middle School.
TV: Community, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Girls, The Newsroom, Sports Night, Studio 60. Seinfeld. And then there's Maude.
* These are all partial lists.
My ability to talk to you
Clean sheets of paper and pens.
A tee shirt from teefury
What the end of the Sopranos means.
How my raccoon got Hepatitis.
How vapid banality like Fifty Shades of Grey nets $1 million a week, when everything I write will end up in the $0.99 bin
From my electrical well
It's a simple message
And I'm leaving out the whistles and bells...
So [this site] must listen to me
My name is Blue Canary
One Note spelled "L-I-T-E"
My story's infinite...
Like the Longines Symphonette
It doesn't rest.
You were entertained by my musical interludes.
You're not dull.
You wouldn't mind if I actually called you on an actual telephone for actual talking times.
You think I'm funny.
You'd buy me Rogaine when I start losing all my hair.
You wear glasses.
YOU are awesome.