22 Delray Beach, United States
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My self-summary
I'm Evan, a remarkably talentless paranoid insomniac.

I like rat kings, conspiracy theories, plague doctors, and recordings of sad 911 calls. And there's something terribly sad and banal about that.
What I’m doing with my life
I work full time in an optical supply sweatshop doing data entry and other office bitch tasks.

I'm also an ordained priest through the Church of the Latter Day Dude, as well as an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church.
Aspiring shaman.
Amateur homebrewer.

Legit crying after watching the Warcraft movie trailer just now
I’m really good at
Living the literary lifestyle
Attempting suicide
Chewing the skin off my fingertips
Writing sonnets
Eating onions like apples
Enforcing the patriarchy and quashing feminism
Words With Friends
Growing beards and making mead
Watching LiveLeak snuff videos while eating food
Wikipediaing serial killers at 3:04 in the morning
Bowling, driving around, the occasional acid flashback
Beerio Kart
The first things people usually notice about me
I look like a viking that ate another viking and absorbed his beard energy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Breakfast of Champions, Naked Lunch, the original Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne (don't hate), Candide, Trainspotting, A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Principia Discordia, Anything Huxley, Tolkien, Kafka, Shakespeare, Vonnegut or Dickens. Oh, and anything by Irvine Welsh.
I sure as hell wouldn't mind if every single copy of The Catcher in the Rye was burned.
Bone by Jeff Smith<3

The Big Lebowski, Trainspotting, In Bruges, This Is England, Killing Zoe, Ordinary Decent Criminal, Caligula, Vile, Les Intouchables, A Serbian Film, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Fargo, Balto, House of 1,000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Four Lions, Teeth, Club Dread, The Real Macaw, Fly Away Home, Perfume: the Story of a Murderer, Chicken Run, Bronson, Antz, Would You Rather

Black Books, Vikings, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Inbetweeners UK, The IT Crowd, Spy, 1000 Ways to Die, The Monkees, Wishbone, Misfits, Metalocalypse, Dual Survival, Criminal Minds, Peep Show, Testees, An Idiot Abroad, The Office

Lil' Dicky, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Carach Angren, Wardruna, Coldworld, Pendulum, Dethklok, Eluveitie, Glitch Mob, Amon Amarth, Svartsot, RiFF RaFF THE TRUE BASED GOD, K-391, Pink Floyd, Jefferson Airplane, The Mamas and The Papas, Jimi Hendrix, Neil Young, Neon Indian, Cosmo Jarvis, Lemon Jelly, Brothertiger, Washed Out, The Flashbulb, Talk Talk, Ratatat, STS9, Rob Zombie, pre-High End of Low Marilyn Manson, Shpongle, Iggy Pop, Baths, The Knife, Urban Cone, Rebecca and Fiona, The Antlers
Whom the Moon a Nightsong Sings

Milksteak boiled over hard with a side of raw jelly beans

I can cook pretty well in general, actually.
The six things I could never do without
Air conditioning
Cosmo Jarvis
Publix subs
Clean socks
Taking my narsty socks off at the end of the day
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
Drowning in perpetual misery
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I still haven't watched Vikings season 4
You should message me if
You'll play World of Warcraft with me.

You can introduce me to a serial killer that I don't already know about.

Tao Lin and The Catcher in the Rye are automatic dealbreakers. Don't even bother messaging if you enjoy them.

You wanna trade rare Pepes