VanderLaan30
27 DeWitt, United States
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VanderLaan30
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My self-summary
I'm a doctor... not like an actual real doctor, but more of a store manager at Lowes type of doctor... My MD is actually an associate's degree in business administration, or as not-dumb-people-unlike-me call it, an expensive GED in common sense and regret. Most people would call me a hero, but only because I'm really good looking. I'm super modest and shy... Like, almost as humble as Kanye humble! My favorite food is humble 3.14159... That's right, a math joke, keep reading. My favorite saying is "don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive." My favorite person who said that quote is me. I grew up playing basketball and football while all the cool kids performed up close magic to steal the hearts of all the popular 4th graders... So yeah, I was kind of a nerd. I make a great perspective manipulator if you're a tall girl that maybe doesn't want to seem quite as tall, so there's that.
What I’m doing with my life
Waiting to hear back on my audition tape for America's Next Top Model. Until then, I've enjoyed working at Lowes as a store manager. To be honest, I really do enjoy working in home improvement. My life is pretty much exactly like Tim Allen's. We're both very handsome, work in home improvement, dealt a lot of blow in the 80's, and have a weird neighbor. I'd be a great triathlete if the events were sitting down, napping and watching NFL Network.
I’m really good at
I will tell you what I am NOT good at... Fucking Sudoku. Sudoku is just some asshats way of telling 'not-smart" kids that they'll be reliant on calculators for the rest of their lives. Fuck you, Sudoku.

Things I AM good at... Using calculators for basic arithmetic,.
The first things people usually notice about me
People tell me that I look exactly like Ryan Gosling.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Favorite Movies include: Warrior, Remember the Titans, Gladiator, Wedding Crashers, and many many more! I love movies.

Favorite music: Country... Unfortunately not a joke. However, I do feel like Drake and Kanye need Jesus. Those back ally spelunkers suck at life.

Favorite TV Shows: Game of Thrones... Obviously. I mean... C'mon.
The six things I could never do without
1. My good looks
2. The NFL
3. A Good Beer
4. My suspicion that Mark Wahlburg is immortal... Seriously, we don't see him die in the Perfect Storm and I don't know if he's ever died in another movie. He might actually be God... Fucking God has a Boston accent. Fuck my life.
5. My hatred for Ohio State Fuckeyes
6. Taylor Swift
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Fucking Mark Wahlburg could be God... This cannot be ignored.
On a typical Friday night I am
Curing cancer... Not the disease, the zodiac sign.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Not private, just hilarious. I won 2 Halloween costume contests dressed as a sexy as hell Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader that got me World Series tickets when the Giants beat the Tigers in game 4. I whored myself out for tickets to the big game, and I'm not even a little disappointed in my decision.
You should message me if
Let's be honest, this online stuff is inherently weird. I hope you were at least able to laugh a little and diffuse the awkwardness. You don't have to message me, just know going forward in life that you deserve to be happier than someone who couldn't find the humor in this profile.
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