VelocitySteve
28 Asheville, United States
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VelocitySteve
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My self-summary
My personality is a New York Times critics' pick and I am number seventeen on the Forbes list of guys you should date.

I'm going to be president one day.

I hate laughing and having fun. I'm here exclusively to look for drama. I have a baby but he's the least important thing in my life so you won't have to deal with that.

I don't have a baby.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm currently a lawyer. Don't ask me why! I don't like having to question my own decisions.

Actually my job is pretty decent. I'm a small-town lawyer at a small firm, and it's pretty cool to not be an anonymous cog. I admit, I wish I could just spend all my time at home reading, writing, and playing board games with friends but then I wouldn't have anything to write sad poems about.
I’m really good at
Being polite to strangers

Coming up with excuses not to leave my house

Rationalizing my already-held beliefs
The first things people usually notice about me
I've never met me before, so I can't be sure. It's possible that it's my shocking and terrifying hunchback, but I'd like to think it's my hazel eyes.

(PS if you just said "hazel is just what you say when you don't want to tell people you have brown eyes" then you should shoot me a message because I obviously need someone to call me out on my bullshit.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Calvin & Hobbes is put into books so it totally counts, right? I read a little too much science fiction. My current project is to write literary reviews for the entire Star Wars expanded universe in chronological order. Just, you know, so you know what you're getting into.

For music I really like female led electronic indie pop. I know, that's too broad of a category. Super into Chvrches right now. Honestly I listen to pretty much everything that isn't about trucks and girls in painted on jeans.

Firefly, Friday Night Lights, Skin, Rick and Morty, Kimmy Schmidt.

Are you still reading this part? But there are so many fun things on the internet you could be doing!
The six things I could never do without
A good knife. Iodine tablets. Warm clothes. Flint and tinder. I think I've misinterpreted the question.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Sex and God. Not, like, at the same time though. Dammit, this was supposed to be a clever three word section and now I'm jumping through multiple explaining hoops. At least it's self-referential.

I'm currently on a terrifying existential crisis kick that makes it pretty tough to sleep at night! If the inevitable march of time doesn't frighten you beyond all reason please share your secrets with me.
On a typical Friday night I am
Wondering when the hell I became an adult.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
The heat death of the universe terrifies me.
You should message me if
you want to tell me what your favorite dinosaur is and why

You wear pencil skirts and leather boots.
You think space exploration is humanity's best hope for the distant future.
You sometimes go to concerts alone.
You want to hang out and play video games naked. Or you could do yoga naked while I play video games if video games aren't your thing.
You have blue hair.
You can handle your liquor.
You're kinky and open-minded.
You want to ride on the back of a motorcycle.
You might want to go to a swingers party sometime, just to see.
You think going on a run is an awesome first date.

The textbook problem with dating sites is that girls get too many shitty messages and guys don't get any at all. If you've made it this far, be a part of the solution and just click the damn send message button. I promise to let you down easy.
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