VincentGrayson
35Frederick, United States
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VincentGrayson
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My self-summary
I'm a life-loving nerdy dude with a penchant for waxing intellectual and a generally optimistic outlook on things.

I'm happily married to a woman, and a father to two pretty incredible young women, so feminism and the concerns of women are things on my mind pretty frequently. While I don't fancy labels and have never been much of a joiner, I swing pretty hard to the left on most things. I'm generally a pretty agreeable and friendly guy, but I struggle to put much work into legitimately spending time on anyone who is racist, sexist, not LGBTQ-friendly, etc.

People tend to open up to me quickly, and I tend to return the favor. Most of the people I spend any kind of time on today have been part of my life since middle and high school and are more like family than friends. I like a big social group, where people are generally comfortable with each other physically, and everyone feels safe.

I feel my feelings pretty thoroughly, and am unashamed to admit that movies, TV, music, etc can make me cry at the drop of a hat. I like to talk things out, find common ground, and understand why people think the things they do.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a husband and father, and I mostly work from home, so this affords me a lot of time with my loved ones. I enjoy writing and worldbuilding, and run an ongoing Dungeons and Dragons campaign with a group of good friends.

Other that that, I mostly live a quiet life among my friends and family. We game, enjoy film and television, live music, and so on. People that are all ambitious about adventure and all that, I totally get it, but it's not me. A night at home talking into the wee hours of the morning or laughing away at some random TV show is more my speed.
I’m really good at
I'm that guy who's always willing to listen, and likely not going to judge whatever it is you're throwing out there. If it didn't involve a bunch of schooling, I'd have gone into counseling/therapy/whatever. I like to imagine that in a world where I had any religious feeling whatsoever, I'd be a priest or similar.

If I know you well, I have so much good music to share with you. I've always had a knack for knowing what kinds of things the people around me would be into, whether in the grand scheme of things, or for throwing together last-minute playlists.

General trivia, especially when it comes to culture. I've always had a knack for memorizing random bullshit, and my kids are convinced I know everything. I assume it's genetic, as my father once did well on Jeopardy.

I've been told I have "good hands". Take that as you will. I'm a pretty affectionate person in general, and I do give a good massage.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm a friendly, outgoing person in general, so I'd imagine that. Sometimes I think I'm still trying to make up for not being so in my childhood.

Beyond that, I'm a big guy and I think I tend to gesture a lot when I talk, so I'm hard to miss. Also, my hair and beard combination makes me look like some kind of hipster viking, or so I'm told.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I have a hard time picking favorite books, because while I like the process of reading them, I find they rarely stick with me.

That said, "Book of the New Sun" by Gene Wolfe, "Ghostwritten" by David Mitchell, "The Wind-up Bird Chronicle" by Haruki Murakami, "House of Leaves" by Mark Danielewski, "Diary" by Chuck Palahniuk, "Children of Time" by Adrian Tchaikovsky, and the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan/Brandon Sanderson would be my top picks.

It's pretty bad though, as Goodreads tells me I haven't actually finished a book since February.

Movies: Like most people these days, I watch a lot of movies. All-time favorites that duel for the top spot are The Thing (Carpenter 1982 version) and Aliens. I like to consume a mix of bog-standard Hollywood big budget schlock, most comedies not involving Adam Sandler and his ilk, and upsetting horror films from countries where that's okay I guess.

Music: This year so far, I've seen a bunch of my favorite musical acts live: The xx, Sigur Ros, Charlotte Martin, and in November, Tori Amos! I've been waiting to see her live for like, 20 fucking years. Otherwise, I listen to a pretty wide variety of music. Old favorites include NIN, Autechre, Placebo, Goldfrapp, and Shpongle.

Right now I'm obsessing over this looping artist Tash Sultana. But she's only got like, 6 songs. It's brutal, really. Another recent favorite has been Susanne Sundfor.

TV: Things I can watch on repeat, perhaps literally forever if called upon to: The Office (US), Freaks and Geeks, The Simpsons (s1-s9 only), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, South Park, and Seinfeld.

And then, like most boring 30-somethings, my wife and I watch most new Netflix shows. I'm still partial to Game of Thrones, but haven't seen most of the last two seasons. Seems like it's easier to watch a light-hearted comedy, or one of those shows about 30-somethings who can't figure their shit out.

Foods: I like to eat. I'm pretty partial to Mexican or a good pizza, but I'll try most stuff. I like spicy food, so I'm always up for new and good ways of delivering that lovely capsaicin.

Games: I like games a lot. I don't generally play them for challenge. If it's videogames, I like them easy or focused on something other than the live.die.repeat thing. Give me a world to explore or a complex story or even just repetitive fantasy combat like I was raised on. If it's boardgames or tabletop RPGs, I'm there for the cooperative, social fun. People that get all serious about rules (you know the type: "no house rules") and competition kill it for me.
Six things I could never do without
First, the obvious boring stuff: family - chosen or otherwise, the people I've surrounded myself with are there for a reason.

Now, five other things:

Driving. I know it's coming. Automation and self-driving vehicles are the way of the future. I ain't gonna fight it. But I'll be sad when someday I can't just get in the car and drive aimlessly, with music blaring and the wind in my hair.

Modern convenience. There are some people who get into all that primitive camping shit sometimes, say they need a break from it all. Not me. Give me indoor plumbing and a comfortable bed. In an end of the world scenario, I'm proper fucked.

Time for introspection. I spent a lot of time sitting alone in my room as a kid, so I learned to focus inward and all that nonsense. At time point, it became integral to my ability to be happy and healthy. If I don't have a decent amount of quiet time alone to just sort of run shit through my head, I'm not 100%.

Physical intimacy. I don't want to put sex, because it's not *just* that. I like touching and hugging and just general physical closeness to my fellow human beings. If I had to live some kind of isolated life, I think I'd go nuts.

Music. Weirdly, music is the one really big area of artistic expression where I've got nothing to offer. I enjoy writing, drawing, making movies, etc...but I've got no music to offer the world. Perhaps it's unrelated, but more than movies or tv or video games, I feel like music needs to be a daily part of my life.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Complexity and simplicity. Politics and people and how disarmingly simple it all seems like it should be if you drill down deep enough.

Humanity. Where we're going, where we've been, where myself, my generation, and my children will fit into the overall picture of human history.

Books I haven't written.

My kids. Most people in my life, I know they'll be fine. But you can't help wondering about your kids. They're fine today, but who knows what crazy shit will happen in their lifetimes. And then I start thinking about all the parents who are certainly worried about the same things for their kids, but less able to make certain they will be safe.

Maybe they don't have as much money. Maybe they're a minority. Maybe one of them is disabled or sick and their insurance is one minor change away from being gone. I said at the outset that I'm a pretty optimistic person, and I am. But I worry about these people, and I worry about the people who are capable of so callously dismissing their worries (albeit less so).
On a typical Friday night I am
Either hanging with my wife, or out socializing with friends. I'm not much for clubs or bars, but we're all "real" adults with homes now, and that's way better (and cheaper!)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm not a particularly private person...if there's something you need to know, just ask.

I will admit that "particularly" was spelled wrong in this box for 5 fucking years and I never noticed. I am deeply ashamed.
You should message me if
You think we'll click. I'm largely interested in making friends and if there's a physical attraction, that's cool too. Not looking for a casual hook up or a real relationship.

I don't have a lot of deal breakers, and I'm more interested in being positive, so here's some deal *makers*:

You love to listen to music. I am always in search of new groups I'll love, or even entire genres I've never heard of.

You give a shit, generally speaking. While I'm no stranger to sarcasm and apathy, the older I get the less I find the idea of not actually caring to be appealing. Like, if we can commiserate over the vagaries of the modern political landscape, we'll be fast friends.

You laugh easily. I feel like I'm constantly meeting people who tell me they "don't like most comedy". I am not that person. I love laughing, and even more, I love enjoying comedic things with the people I care about. Sharing those moments pretty much immediately endears a person to me.
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