35Philadelphia, United States
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My self-summary
I'm a peach.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm not sure anyone has ever accused me of having goals before.
I’m really good at
People watching. I am an excellent passenger on road trips. I bring snacks. One time I drew a picture of a tree and a girl I know got it tattooed to her arm. Most people would feel flattered I guess, but the permanency of it makes me feel like a megalomaniac. Accidentally giving people therapy sessions. Forgetting that people don't know I'm joking. Making indecipherable funny faces.
The first things people usually notice about me
The most utilized pick up line from strangers on the street seems to be "Smile." I have a natural tendency to appear sad, but when I do smile which is fairly often I have cheeks that people seem to want to pinch. My mother says we were decedents of Eskimos, but she likes to make up stories.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I read a lot. Leaves of Grass, Catcher in the Rye, Welcome to the Monkey House, the Ginger Man, and Everything is Illuminated were books I remember reading at important times in my life. The user name I have on here is from Ginsberg's Howl. "with dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, alcohol and cock and endless balls," which is more or less the best line of poetry ever... Except for a few Cohen lines... Maybe...

Trainspotting and City of God. Amelie like most other girls. Documentaries. Seriously. Recommend me a documentary. (But not the Tribe Called Quest doc. That was like the Cosby show of documentaries.)

Howlin Wolf. Arcade Fire. Otis Redding. Etc. etc.
Six things I could never do without
A book, my brothers, fresh air, access to a beach, a long hot shower, and my dog
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I've been thinking about how quiver is a weird word and why I would want to be matched with it.

I've had a couple of neat conversations lately about how when you reach a certain age men become kids in candy stores bombarded by aggressive younger women and how my lack of aggression and youth directly correlates to the number of cats in my future. I'm up to one. Fortunately as the internet reminds me almost daily there is a plethora of eager married men looking to cheat should I ever decide to be ridiculously masochistic.
On a typical Friday night I am
Living the dream. Wherever that may take me.

Or you know. Scouring the dating adds on here: http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/

I do good things for a living. And I'm old. So friday nights are usually snuggle up with the pup time.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
For a long time I wanted to live my life like Paul Gauguin, and give up everything to paint naked Tahitian women on a beach until I died of syphilis. I hear syphilis is curable now though.

(No I don't have it.)

I once bailed someone out of jail.

I don't drive. I'm not sure I ever want to.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I look like Robert Smith from the cure. I laugh every time.

On any given day, I'll joke about porn, or my tits, or other ominous things in casual conversation and think nothing of it. I don't have one of those filter things. Which is annoying because it's terribly Philadelphian of me. See also: being a good drinker and able to eat a copious amount of grease if the occasion ever calls for it.

I have a pretty gnarly scar on my forehead from being punched by a schizophrenic on the subway.

I used to have a pet lobster named Francois. He might have been a crawfish, but I told him he was a lobster to feed his ego. In a defeat of biblical proportions, he was eaten by two feeder goldfish.

I'm kind of at a point on my life where I'm ready for a nice boring stable relationship. It's just seems like nice normal and boring isn't ready for me.

Sometimes I jokingly tell people the giant squid and whale tattoo on my back is a mark of the ocean because i really want meet a pirate and/or sailor and live a life of the sea. When I do this, I am only half joking though. Because... Come on... That sounds awesome.

Yea i don't know. I guess a lot of things aren't that private to me. Whatever. Open book.

Instagram: ohhbollocks
You should message me if
You've always wanted to date one of the chicks from Absolutely Fabulous.

You're interesting, and quirky, and you like to go to the zoo. And you think brunch is pretty great. And you like the city.

You aren't looking for a manic pixie dream girl. Or still in love with your ex.

You like drinking 40's out of a paper bag in rittenhouse square.

You're not a dj or all into MMA fighting.

You don't have a goatee, wear dad jeans, or white socks and shorts.

You don't go anywhere on this list: http://m.complex.com/city-guide/2012/06/the-25-douchiest-bars-in-philadelphia/xfinity-live

You have more of a Ulysses complex then a Peter Pan complex.

You love it when they call you big papa.

You don't "neg" girls to get their attention.

Back in the old Myspace days when they asked who you wanted to meet, for years I had "Someone who will give me a lapdance to God Save the Queen while wearing union jack underwear." So you know... message me if you have union jack underwear...

Also sometimes I get busy and stop replying to people on here. Sorry. Actually I'm kind of a bitch. You probably shouldn't message me at all. We'd probably just spend like five hours getting to know each other to be nice and never see each other again. I'm terribly disappointing. Really. Ask around. Also feel free to add me on Facebook if you want to see far less flattering pictures.

I'm just kidding. Alcohol fixes all that.
And most of the time I'm cool as shit.
The two of us