54Los Angeles, United States
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My self-summary
Smart, sassy, sweet, sapiosexual, sarcastic, short, silly, self-aware, salty, and a whole lot of things that don't begin with "s."

Note: if you haven't filled out your profile or answered any questions, please don't waste your time messaging me. I won't reply.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a teacher. I often say that teaching isn't what I do; it's who I am.
I’m really good at
Cooking. I make a brisket so good, you will weep with joy.
The first things people usually notice about me
My smile. My hair, if it's a bright color. The fact that Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" spontaneously plays every time I walk into a room.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Authors- Alice Hoffman, John Irving, Colleen McCullough, JD Salinger, Christopher Golden, Stephen King, Kurt Vonnegut, Anita Shreve, Jennifer Weiner (I like chick lit, magical realism, and horror. Sue me)

Movies- My favorite weird genres are improbable romance (those that contain an element of magic and/or unlikelihood) and religious horror (especially fun, bad religious horror like The Seventh Sign). I love movies overall. Some longtime favs include Dirty Dancing, The Princess Bride, The Graduate, Young Frankenstein, The Final Destination franchise (except that last one; that one blew), The Faculty, Footloose, The Big Chill...really, anything with Kevin Kline, Up, How to Train Your Dragon, When Harry Met Sally, American Werewolf in London, Grosse Pointe Blank, Point Break, Love Actually, Zombieland, 500 Days of Summer, Easy A, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Red, Scott Pilgrim vs the World, Shaun of the Dead, Chef, About Time, and all the Sharknadoes (plural, like potatoes).

Music- Jack White, Ben Folds, James Taylor, John Mayer, Bree Sharp, Fountains of Wayne, Storm Large, Wilco, Rilo Kiley, Amanda Marshall, Sting, The Police, Barenaked Ladies, They Might Be Giants, Common Rotation, Daughtry, Rick Springfield, Sublime and yes, the occasional Barry Manilow. Don't judge me. ;-)

TV: Current - The Big Bang Theory, the new Hawaii 5-0, Top Chef, almost anything on Food Network, Mr Robot, Orange is the New Black, House of Cards, John Oliver, Girls, Game of Thrones, American Horror Story, American Ninja Warrior, Roadies, Sleepy Hollow, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, iZombie, Lucifer.

Past- The Wonder Years, Life Goes On, X-Files, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Flight of the Conchords, Wonderfalls, Friends, Daria, Freaks and Geeks, Chuck, Entourage, Terriers, Fringe, The New Normal, Go On, The Following, The Office (American), How I Met Your Mother, Sons of Anarchy, Hello Ladies, The Newsroom, Glee, Phineas & Ferb, Brain Dead.

Food- Beef, raw or cooked. Hash browns. Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee. Sushi. Chicken tikka masala.
Six things I could never do without
Iced coffee in the morning.
Music to sing to in the shower.
Thick-cut, applewood smoked bacon.
The internet.
My super comfy bed.
My car, Penelope Pitstop
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Food. I love to cook and I sometimes write about food, so my social media feeds are basically just food porn & cats (very little overlap there, though, thank goodness ;).
On a typical Friday night I am
...what I yam. Like Popeye.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
If you send me a straight-up request for sex or lead off with commenting on my boobs, I will post your message on my "Adventures in Internet Dating" Facebook & publicly shame you.
You should message me if
You read my whole profile, we match fairly high, you aren't looking to just hook up once, you don't use chat speak, you are generally a positive happy person, you aren't allergic to cats, you like food and don't have any allergies or restrictions (glutards and vegans need not apply-sorry), you think sex and guilt have no place in the same sentence, you have a good sense of humor and a better sense of yourself, and you think we'd have fun together.

You should *not* message me if you don't have a picture in which your face is visible, if you are outside of my stated age range, if you mention God or the Bible in your profile, if you are allergic to cats, or if we match really low. I won't respond.
The two of us