49Leeds, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
"Professional charlatan with traces of faerie blood seeking pixie princess with own sledgehammer for life improvements."

PLEASE NOTE. I am currently in a very good relationship with a lovely lass that I first met years ago. I'm not looking to meet anyone romantically but I do pop on to here every now and then to catch up with a couple of people and see how things are going for them.

DISCLAIMER. Everything you read below is the result of 5 years of nonsense. I strongly recommend that you ignore it and move on to someone else's profile.

Back after a hiatus away which is always good for the soul. If you're new here let me say OKC is an absolute gem of a find (and free...well we all love a bargain). People on here just seem so friendly, genuine and interesting (plus some completely wonderful basket weavers in some cases) and yes, as the site creators claim, also of a higher than average intellectual profile (where were you ladies who are into little, geeky physicists when I was younger?).

So yay! Go you :-)

Anyway...I'm a single dad, lucky enough to have his wonderful (yet mad as fish...and yes, that is an appropriate description, as fish are one of the maddest things in the world) little girl live with him for half of the time (week on week off...so I get to be a proper parent, and yet [well hopefully] have a social life on top of that wonder as well).

How to describe myself? Extroverted yet shy; extravagant yet plain; caring yet selfish; funny yet boring; insightful yet stupid...a collection of human ambivalences I suppose.
God, that makes me sound so pretentious doesn't it? (You don't have to agree straight away...ah well, too late).

If the best way to judge someone is by the friends they have then I must be a decent person overall (maybe it's just my mum paying them to hang around with me?). Or could be that they keep coming back to the challenge of trying to break me (do play a very good role of "last man standing"...think I've only ever lost twice).

In the end, I suppose I'm someone enjoying the opportunities to expand a set of horizons that had maybe become a little too shrunken (hmm...that sounds a little grammatically incorrect) over the years. Happy with the sense of freedom that being single again gives but also hoping to meet someone of the right mindset to go out and have some fun with and maybe develop something good.

As one of my female friends pointed out to me, it would be good to be able to make use of the "plus one" invites properly.
Also it's fun making new friends, either virtual or in reality (and would say that I've made a few already on here...friends, lovers and partners in carnage), to add to the wonderful collection that I have already. If only one of my ex students would hurry up and finish developing a working teleport so it would be so much easier to hopefully meet all you wonderful people out there around the world :-)

Also, there is the (slim) chance that there may come about that smacked in the face with a frying pan moment that we all (secretly at least) yearn for.
What I’m doing with my life
Beginning to enjoy it properly once again, and trying to get my kitchen finished. **JOY JOY JOY...the kitchen is finished, but I've just gone and had the whole house replastered inside top to bottom so now it all needs painting. If you know your way around a roller give me a shout**

Oh...and taking an unashamedly flagrant advantage of the Dr Brian Cox effect in "sexing up" Physics as it's what I teach.

Also, I'm using the freedom of being single to begin the important task of shaping my daughter's musical taste whenever we're driving somewhere (captive audience you see). So far she's digging "Electrical Storm" by U2, "Live forever" by Oasis, "Stagger Lee" (okay, not really the kind of song an 8 year old should be listening to, but the story line and language seems to be going over her head) and "Where the Wild Roses Grow" by Nick Cave and is now exploring Tori Amos (one mad as fish red head connecting with another mad as fish red head).

**Hmm. I definitely do need to update this profile. The little one is now 11 and at secondary school. For an update of the latest car listening why not check out the little quiz in the "You should contact me if..." section**

And trying to work on my left hand co-ordination so that the weekend nails come out a bit more even (see "The First Things" bit below).

Plus I'm working on my bag collection. No, not like plastic shopping bags...what kind of a weirdo do you take me for? No, proper bags. Okay...yes...man bags, but they're so useful and it's important to have a selection too choose from to suit the occasion (although the simple black canvas one I bought from H&M on 5th Avenue is my favourite, and seems to be the hardest wearing...I absolutely love it, and will most likely be with me if we ever meet).

Recently began experimenting with chocolate (no, not in that way...bad people) and have had a go at making my own. Won't spoil the surprise, but have a quick look at my photos to see my first attempt.

Also trying to be a bit healthier, cutting down on the fags and getting some exercise in now and then. Boxercise at school on a Tuesday (no, we don't get to practise on the kids...but you can always imagine) and Karate with my little one on a Wednesday (from which she has developed a tendency to kick my ass...literally).

** Health news. Went on the Champix back at the beginning of August. Still fag free over two months later**
I’m really good at
Blagging my way through things. It's amazing what people will believe if you call yourself a teacher (pre-warning...expect half of what I tell you over a pint or three to be complete fabrication). Also I can make a mean Hazelnut Latte using my friends built in coffee machine (their house is my second home, and I can let us in to help ourselves to the wine with no problem).

And I'm not a bad cook and looking forward to getting back into food once my kitchen's complete. **It's mainly done, just a few minor bits left, you know the kind of things that will take years to get around to doing**

Oh, and apparently I'm an "alchonymph" (you do do the maths, and yes it has an "s" on this side of the pond) which is not the worst thing in the world I've been called...
The first things people usually notice about me
Bouncing around like Tigger (on amphetamines) from Winnie the Poo.
If it's the weekend or school holidays then there's a 50% chance it'll be the Barry M (other nail varnishes are available) Shatter on my finger nails.

**News Flash!!! Was picking up my little one from the ex the other day and she showed me the new Barry M MAGNETIC nail varnish. Gotta get me some of that on the weekend***

**Follow up News Flash. Barry M Magnetic DOES NOT work in the 35 degree Spanish heat**

And I wonder why people think I'm gay when they first meet me? So if you're looking for a rugged manly man...well good luck, but I'm probably not for you..ha ha.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Music: The Verve (and yes they had two fantastic albums before the ubiquitous "Urban Hymns", especially "A Northern Soul" which is one of the finest pieces of work ever) are my heart and soul, although at the moment I am mainly listening to The Archie Bronson Outfit's "Derdang Derdang" and The Postal Service's "Give Up".

**My mate Stewie (whose clink you will be introduced to if we ever meet for a drink) has just put me on to "The Grimes". Wonderful stuff. Oh, and if you actually happen to be Claire Boucher then please please please say hello**

And a massive thank you to the wonderful Idestroyboys for introducing me to The Brian Jonestown Massacre. Quite wonderfully amazing (if pretty fucked up)

A quick run through my CD/Vinyl/MP3/Tape collection will reveal Arcade Fire, Sisters of Mercy, U2, 5ive (yes seriously..."Keep On Moving" is the best pop song ever written), Kylie, James, Rhianna (okay, a guilty pleasure but "Shut Up and Drive" is one of the most erotic songs I know), The Wonderstuff, The Stone Roses, The Charlatans, The Happy Mondays (basically anything from that era beginning in "The"), PWEI, GLC, REM, Beck ("Get crazy with the cheese whizz"), Primal Scream, Nickleback (question...is a "bathroom big enough to play baseball in" suitable for a game of cricket?), Radiohead (well "The Bends"...never really connected with the rest), Jesus Jones, Longpigs, Blind Melon ("No Rain" always reduces me to tears, but you'll have to ask to find out why, although there is a reference within my profile if you look carefully), The Streets ("A Grand Don't Come for Free" is a wonderful piece of opera, with a magnificent reference to quantum mechanics and the Multiverse theory at the end of it), JJ72, The Sugarbabes, Curve (ooh...Toni Haliday...seriously if you look like her please please PLEASE come and say hello), Oasis, Bauhaus, Killing Joke, Cowboy Junkies, Mazzy Star (who I'm off to see in June...yay! **Been to the gig, and must say was a tad disappointed. Seeing as it was their first UK gig for 10 years it was very self indulgent**), Enter Shikari (oh to be 17 again), my first musical love Gary Numan, and of course our Lord and Saviour Mr Nick Cave and his Bad Seeds.

Do tend to listen to the radio a lot. Well I say radio, it's mainly Radio 5 Live (see 6 things I could never do without) but download various pod casts including "The Now Show", "The News Quiz", "News Jack" and "The Infinite Monkey Cage".
**The new BBC Radio Player App for my phone is the best thing ever. How did life exist before this came alonng?**

Books: Unashamed Sci-Fi/Fantasy fan. The "Malazan Books of the Fallen" have just stolen the last 5 years of my life and I'm now sharing the addiction with as many people who will listen to me (be warned that if you contact me then I will try to infect you). However CJ Cherrhy is my first and eternal love, and have a fond affection for Dan Simmons and Ian M Banks.

Movies: Would love the time to sit down/go out and watch films (anyone who says teachers have an easy life...ha ha ha). However "Bugsy Malone" was on over the Xmas holidays and my little girl was amazed that I knew all the words (no...not just the songs...ALL the words).

*Been on a bit of a retro movie theme with my little one lately. Started all because of "The Breakfast Bunch" episode of Victorious (If you have a daughter of a certain age you'll know the one I mean) which led on to "The Breakfast Club" (yes, a little too strong in the language for her age, but it went over her head and we had great fun scene spotting between the two versions). Last week we did "Bill and Ted's excellent adventure". So much fun explaining the internal consistency of the self referential nature of the time loops*

Food: Anything with chillies in it. Olives, Anchovies, and all spicy sausage based foods. Oh, and everything on the menu at The Horse and Farrier Pub in Otley. It's fantastic, and the Chef Marco has a real passion for what he does. Cannot recommend it enough, so if you're ever in the area do check it out and tell them Jason sent you.

*Marco has left!!! And yes, it deserves the literacy crime of 3 exclamation marks. Artistic differences between him and the new management. Not only lost a fantastic chef but a friend*
Six things I could never do without
Oxygen, water and food for a starter. I'll try and come up with another 3 soon (hmm...realised that's not very original...will have to try harder).

So...let's put a proper list together (this may take some time so bear with me folks). We'll take my little girl as read, so as for the rest and in no particular order (can always rank them later)...

1: A book at bedtime. Can't sleep without a good read, although that might be connected to being single once more (cause or effect...you decide). Usually accompanied with a nice mug of Camomille and Vanilla tea (rock and roll all the way baby!)

2: Has to be my GHDs (backed up by a very good colourist at the Cutting House in Otley...what would I do without you Naomi). Without them I end up looking like Ronald McDonald (hmm...not really selling myself there). **Currently having to make do with the emergency backup Babylis pair as left the GHDs down south when visiting my best and oldest friend and his family. Arrgh!!!**

3: How on earth could I miss out Radio 5 Live. First thing in the morning until last thing at night. It's almost like having real friends (and I have met Colin Murray twice now...he is my totally perfect man crush (yes did the David Beckham thing but grew up) and so swoon).

4: My phone. Samsung Nexus S, a proper Google phone (as opposed to running a network modified version of Android) and the first in the world to have a curved screen (yes...I know...geek alert!). It was so funny when I came home with it the and told my little girl that it was the first phone in the world with a curved screen to hear her exclaim "Oh daddy, you must be famous!".
#Upgraded to the Nexus 4. Superior in so many ways, but I do miss how the curves of my Nexus S felt in my hand#

5: My friends (the best of whom is my mum). They are truly amazing and lovely people (will probably add more about them on here in a bit).

6: Strangely (and until I can come up with something a bit more rock and roll) I think I'm going to say the washing machine. Still can't believe that in the (pretty much amicable) division of household stuff she let me have it seeing as I was never considered competent enough to use it, even though I had been pretty much successfully washing my own clothes (give or take the odd pink shirts incident...but then we've all had one or two of those haven't we? ) for a good 15 years before we got together. Still, there's something quite satisfying about sorting out clean clothes isn't there? (hmm...or does that make me seem a little weird?)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Who would win in a fight "Pavlov's Dog" or "Schrodinger's Cat"?
(Well not actually that much time as the answer is pretty obvious).

Also, is there another Universe where he didn't die and all our lives took a very different course (ooh...so very cryptic).

And is it appropriate to listen to "Stagger Lee" in the car with my little one?

If we all clubbed together could we raise enough to have Michael Gove just "disappear"?

How much better would my teenage years have been if we'd had GHDs back in the 80s?

How long is appropriate from getting the ping that someone has looked at your profile before checking theirs out?

a) immediately
b) 7 minutes
c) three days
d) never, play it cool (oh yeah, like a skinny ginger geek that will work)

Why do so many of my clothes have holes in them.?

When is one of my ex-students going to come up with a working teleport system? Would make the complete lack of respect for geography that this place have so much easier to deal with.
On a typical Friday night I am
Can't really remember the last one that I'd call typical. Must be some kind of weekend ADHD. Although there is that 50% chance (see earlier) that I'll be painting my nails (does require 3 layers - base colours, shatter and gloss cover - so fills a good bit of the time).
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Yes it's pierced. Or if that's too much information, I have an 18" tall, fluffy ALF toy from back in the 80s that I still cuddle in bed.
Also, I have a soft spot for Disney TV films, which I watch with my little girl when we have our "Pizza and Movie Nights". Not afraid to shed a tear or two with her and explain the themes of redemption.
And oh yeah...I have a favourite brand of kitchen roll.
You should message me if
To be honest you probably shouldn't. If you do you have only yourself to blame and I accept no responsibility for any loss of vision, time and/or body parts.

Given that you don't heed the advice above I'll say that apparently my profile reads "Replies Selectively" or so I've been told. Not sure why it says that as my mum brought me up to have manners and I do try to reply (although sometimes can be a bit disorgansied and might take a while) so please feel free to say hello if...

...you understand the magnificence and journey of The Verve's "A Northern Soul". (This is 101 entry requirement to my heart and soul)


...you too have a cuddly ALF? The four of us could double date. (Although don't lord it over it cos yours came with a spaceship like RedTenorin).


...you can explain to me the whole "...inabox" and "...thecat" thing. Have I missed some vital part of youth culture?


...you also have a favourite brand of kitchen roll. It says a lot about a person having a favourite brand of kitchen roll. It's not the brand itself that's important but the act of having a favourite...although unless your favourite brand of kitchen roll is Regina Blitz I'd think long and hard before hitting the message button. And if you don't have any kitchen roll in your home at all when then I'm sorry but it ain't ever going to work.


...you can identify at least 6 out of 8 of these songs which are on the current "daddy-daughter singing their heads off in the car" CD. Oh, and I've slightly changed the lyrics of a couple.

1: "Leave all your love and your longing behind. You can't carry it with you if you want to survive"

2: "Feels like I should be screaming, trying to get it through to my friends. Sometimes it feels that life has no meaning, but I know things will be alright in the end"

3: "The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap. We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat."

4: "And I don't believe you're all I'll ever need. And I need to feel that you're not over me."

5: "I said I was the cops, and your husband's in jail. This state looks down on sodomy."

6: "It's not as if I need the extra weight. Confused enough by life so thanks a lot."

7: "I'm packing all the things that you need, I got you shook up on your knees, 'cos it's all about the dark in me."

8: "It never was and never will be. You're not real and you cant see me."

9: "I just want someone to say to me 'I'll always be there when you wake'."

Yes I know that was 9 not 8. Well spotted. Pedants to the front of the queue please :-)
The two of us