64Auburn, United States
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My self-summary
Kindness, respect, listening, humor, and friendship are the roots of my important relationships. At the same time that you are being kind, you can also be strong and firm, or be silly, or be honest and compassionate about difficult truths. Kindness is always appropriate and valuable.
What I’m doing with my life
Update on Nov 30, 2015

Cultural differences are leading people to misunderstand the significance what I share here in my profile. I don’t have time to rewrite my profile, so I’m adding a general update here to help with clarifying things.

The Culture, Which My Life Focuses On

My personal culture is focused on being a sustainable and cooperative part of the Land that nurtures us and gives us life.

I am on a path of learning, growth, healing, well-being, and doing service. I am looking for companionship on this path. It’s not important how long you have been on this path. It is very important to me that you are sincerely and diligently learning to get better at following this path.

If you are looking for a professional-worker social-class person, then that isn’t me. I have a lot of education in many areas, these skills are a valuable toolbox, I’m talented in using these tools, and I use them frequently, but I don’t live in the professional-worker culture and I don’t want to. When you spend time with me, you must be willing to spend that time participating in the culture I describe in this profile.

The culture, which thrives in corporations and in places dominated by people with postgraduate degrees, usually gives me the heebie-jeebies. I think it’s the false fronts, vicious competition for social status, condescension towards lower status people, and suppression of emotions that bothers me the most about that culture. There is a huge difference between that culture and simply being very competent and conscientious in what you do. Worse yet, many people learn that culture, get those advanced degrees, demand high social status, and then don’t show signs of competency or conscientiousness.

Everybody has strengths and weaknesses. I prefer to be around people that are directly honest about this as they encourage cooperation in strengthening teams and encourage growth in team members.

I am happy being rooted in the Land and being around dirt, rocks, and my friends the plants.

For most of my life I’ve lived southeast of Seattle, close to natural areas. I’ve discovered that it’s moderately easy to transplant me to other coastal Mediterranean climate zones – I’m not sure if I can be successfully transplanted to other climate zones. I am adapted to being in the midst of the great diversity of ecological zones near the west coast of North America, all of which lean towards being arid in the summer and being wet in the winter.

Fundamentals in My Life

These activities are fundamental in my life and you must have an interest and willingness to do these with me:
– Cooperating while doing activities together and sharing resources
– Doing problem solving and solution building together
– Coming to mutual wholehearted agreements thru listening and learning from each other
– Having equal partnerships in all activities
– Encouraging and supporting people we’re connected with

Being open, clear, and complete, in sharing your core needs, beliefs, drives, and agendas, is essential for successfully doing the activities I listed above. I expect any person that I get involved with will be doing this, and doing it without prompting.

If you need help with sharing something or talking about something, please ask me. You can always ask me if I want to know about some specific area of your life. I probably do want to know because I’m very curious about anything I’m doing or involved with.

Openness and honesty start inside yourself – if you don’t do this with yourself, then it will be impossible to do it with me.

I strongly believe in privacy and respect, and don’t grill people to find out about them. I don’t know where your vulnerable spots are, and don’t want to stumble into them. I expect the same in return. On the other hand, it’s wonderful if you ask questions to clarify about things I’ve already shared. Asking about innocuous stuff, like what colors a person likes, where they grew up, or what they have studied, seems fine to me.

Being frugal is also fundamental in my life, and I work hard at doing this. Besides the fact that being frugal is essential for sustainability of human society, being frugal is important because doing this frees up resources that can be used for doing service. If you want to spend time with me, then it must not derail my efforts to be frugal.

The large part of my energy, which is available after I do basic stewardship tasks for my life, is used in doing service. I take breaks and participate in occasional celebrations because these support my well-being and are enjoyable, which in turn supports my ability to happily apply myself to doing service.

When a person has well-being, then they can be happy with a simple life and don’t need entertainment to distract themselves from underlying unhappiness in their lives. In this context of living a life based on well-being, doing service adds meaning and satisfaction in life. So I invest energy into cultivating well-being in my self, then in doing service that is meaningful and satisfying, and mostly don’t spend resources seeking entertainment or pleasures.

Dealing With Attempts to Manipulate Me

I’ve discovered that an amazing number of people consider manipulation to be a fundamental people skill. Here is a common pattern I’ve experienced in contacts through Ok Cupid. The person has an ambiguous profile, their messages are ambiguous, and then when interacting with me, they keep verbally rewriting their story as the learn more about what they think I want to hear. They seem to have a lot of confidence that once I’ve become attached to them, then they will be able to manipulate me into complying with their hidden agendas. Unfortunately, while likely this is successful with some people, it doesn’t work with me because I’ve developed a skill in un-attaching myself when it’s necessary to do this for my well-being. So trying to do this pattern to me will waste a lot of time for both of us.

The way to convince me, that you aren’t doing this to me, is to be open, clear, and thorough in sharing about your core needs and agendas, about what is at the heart of your life. Then work to come to mutual agreements thru listening and discussion with me to discover what kinds of cooperative plans we can come up with.

The more you build up my confidence in your goodwill and morality, then the more open I will be to being involved with you.

In retrospect, it’s usually pretty obvious when somebody was waiting, until they had more confidence in the other person, to share something they felt vulnerable about, and when somebody was avoiding sharing something because it would expose a hidden agenda

While I’m agreeable, flexible, and cooperative, I’m also a tenacious advocate and steward for my well-being. Back and forth flows are fine; flows that go only in one direction are unacceptable.

This is another case where sometimes euroamerican people mistakenly project their values onto indigenous people, and they think a lack of aggression in another person means that person is a lump of clay that can be shaped in any way that suits their agendas. Behavior that often indicates submissiveness in the euroamerican culture, in an indigenous culture is often a willingness to be respectful, considerate, and cooperative. It is common for euroamericans to battle it out for domination and to see who gets to take the most. On the other hand, often indigenous people simply walk away from conflict and people who are more interested in taking than in giving.

I tend to have a lot of new relationship energy about anything I’m interested in, and that excitement has made me vulnerable to being manipulated in the past – critical details sailed right past me without my noticing them until after I was entangled in manipulative traps. So I’ve decided to apply the 5 S’s Program (Small, Slow, Simple, Steady, Steps) to meeting people online. I will be focusing on this while you work to gain my confidence that you are being open about sharing what your needs are, what is at the heart of your life, and your agendas are.

While it is nice when people think my life is admirable or interesting, what I need is a close connection with somebody who wants to participate with me in doing what I do as I live my life. People who are more interested in being a tourist, than in immersing themselves in life, don’t fit in well with my life.

Doing Service for our Mother the Earth

Central to my life is doing service for our Mother the Earth. If doing service for our Earth isn’t a significant part of your life, then we don’t have much in common.

Our Mother the Earth would recover just fine, if it weren’t for humans continuing to injure her. So healing humans so they aren’t so hurtful, and they start living sustainably, is the most important service that can be done for her.

A service I’m doing is working to understand and verbalize the differences between sustainable and unsustainable cultures. The sum of people’s daily behavior determines how sustainable the culture is, so what cultural characteristics drive habits that result in sustainability? Discovering the answer to this question is harder than it might seem because so much of these beliefs are in unspoken agreements buried in people’s subconscious minds. For example, competing for social status thru displaying affluence is a major factor in the unsustainability of many cultures. A culture that is doing this will be unsustainable until the beliefs about social status are changed into something that contributes to sustainability.

I’m working hard to improve how consistently my words, beliefs, and actions are in agreement with each other. As I look for the level of agreement, I work to make sure I’m not distorting reality with rationalizations or other defense mechanisms. Then I work to improve how well my behavior supports sustainability.

At times its very discouraging to see how much unhealthy programming I’ve unconsciously absorbed from the mainstream culture – all anybody can do, after discovering a piece of unhealthy programing in themselves, is work to shift this programming to something better. Unsustainable behavior is one of many kinds of unhealthy behavior.

To have potential for a good connection with me, you need to be diligently working to improve how healthy your life is and how healthy human society is.

To put it another way, the core of my life is problem solving, finding paths for incremental improvements in well-being, and then being pragmatic about implementing the improvements. I do this for my life, human society, and our Mother the Earth, and I seek healthy balances in doing this work.

I’m also seeking companionship in living like this and doing this work.

This is the end of update.

* * * *
To me it seems that the concepts of masculine and feminine are mostly cultural programing that limit many people to half the person they could be. I’m working on developing the full range of skills, wisdom, and expression, which are available to all humans, and I find the most synergy with others who are doing the same.

* * * *
In many ways I’m making a new start with life by working down to my roots and building up from there. In particular I’m learning how to heal the causes of my many allergies.

Although I have an affinity for cats and pet people in general, I’m allergic to pets and animals. So for now, pets are okay, as long as they don’t go anyplace I go. My long-term plan is to get healthy enough to calm the allergies down.

* * * *
As a kid I identified as indigenous and started following an indigenous path in life. I don’t have any tribe to associate with because of a complicated, messy, and abusive family-of-origin history. Eventually I got really confused and lost my way for a long time. Now, once again, I am listening to our Mother the Earth, who gives me guidance and support in finding my way home again.

The book “How it is: the Native American philosophy of V.F. Cordova” does a good job of describing how I see life, and how this is fundamentally different from the belief system and perspective of the dominate civilization. The book does this in plain speech with very little philosophy jargon.

Two authors, who can help you to understand the distinction between attending an indigenous spiritual ceremony and living an indigenous way of life, are Joseph M. Marshall III and Luther Standing Bear.

Working to be a respectful conscientious steward of the Land (regardless of where you live), and carefully looking at how everything you do is affecting the Land, is part of living an indigenous way of life. Even if you are living in an apartment in a big city, you are eating food, using water, and creating waste, and how you do this can help or hurt the Land that nurtures you.

* * * *
Being indigenous isn’t genetics or where you are living, it’s the way you are living your life right now, wherever you happen to be, and who you are listening to for advice.

Part of an indigenous way of life is that everything has a spirit that deserves respect. A pragmatic approach to dealing with daily life is also part of an indigenous way of life. Being conscientious about applying a balance of many values to a specific situation results in a complexity in making day to day choices, which is difficult for many people to understand. These balances are often challenging to understand because most people are used to the simplistic, abstracted worldview of western civilization, where things are right, or wrong, and that’s that.

An indigenous approach is based on figuring out how to sustain a working balance of essential values, for each individual situation, every day. This balance always includes consideration of the Land that you are living on, which gives you life.

An example of balancing values is that it is important to be generous and help your community, and it’s also important to take care of your family. So balance needs to be found between generosity and the needs of your family. Then as the circumstances evolve over time, this balance will also evolve over time.

Even wise humans don’t know everything, and what they do know becomes outdated as life evolves. The only way to stay on an indigenous path is to always be watching and listening for the advice that our Mother the Earth keeps trying to share with us.

* * * *
The word “love” as in “I love nature" is very ambiguous. I respect and love Nature like a small child respects and loves their Mother, whom they are completely dependant on for their survival.

Many of my clearest and most meaningful memories are from when I was sitting on the ground being part of the Land, or laying on the ground, the belly of our Mother the Earth.

* * * *
I want to have deep-rooted connections with both people and the Land, and this takes a lot of time to do well.

I spend a lot of time in stillness, watching and listening, and feeling for the essence of what is going on around me. I work to get better at doing this.

Basically, what I’m doing with my life is working on finding my way home, and looking for companions along the way.

* * * *
I have been deeply wounded by genocidal violence and abuse, and the continuing cultural genocide against indigenous cultures. I am finding and following a path for healing these wounds. When I understand this better, I plan on sharing what I have learned with other people.

Is doing this healing work compatible with your values and interests in life?

Deep inside I see life from an indigenous perspective and keep using understandings, based on my indigenous roots, to help things work well in my life.

Are you interested in sharing this way of life with me?
I’m really good at
Listening, cuddling; being intuitive, empathetic, and conscientious; being courageous and resolute during hard times, seeing the essence of what is going on around me, giving feedback,
bridging viewpoints and cultures, growing native plants and doing permaculture, being part of the Land, building and rebuilding, healing, seeing how everything is related; learning, mentoring, writing about all of this; creating innovative projects, surmounting challenges, self-reliance, finding opportunities, sincerity, respect, and being responsible and kind.

And joking around, being sweet and gentle, and laughing with twinkly eyes.
The first things people usually notice about me
Sometimes they notice my thoughtfulness, kindness, perceptiveness, big grin, intensity, tenacity, whimsy, goal orientation, talkativeness, stillness, sweetness, generosity, or sensitivity to mood. Sometimes they notice how oblivious or stressed I can be.

People comment on my hands when it feels like I’m seeing and talking with my hands.

When my eyes and heart are very open, then often people mention my eyes are amazing or that they change color.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I have a great fondness for the friendly, courageous, and inspirational heroines created by Monica Furlong and Robin McKinley. The deep connection to the Land in Robin McKinley’s recent books nourishes and validates me. Terry Pratchett is the most amazing author and writes many levels of insight, wisdom, and humor into most of his stories. My favorite nonfiction area is natural history, such as “The Klamath Knot”.

I always loved listening to stories. My hearing is pretty fragile now, so I stopped listening to music and audio books.

I rarely watch movies because I’d rather read books, listen to stories, write, be outside, or do stuff in person with people. Also, movies are more damaging to your programing than books are, and it’s hard enough as it is to keep from being sucked into the dysfunctional aspects of the mainstream view of life.

* * * *
I have a lot of food intolerances, so my diet is pretty simple and limited. I’ve tried many different diets. Currently I eat mostly organic food and alternate between raw vegan meals, and meals of meat with cooked vegetables.

Regardless if they are raised for food or foraged for food, I work to treat all plants and animals with respect and consideration. A carrot deserves respect just like a pig deserves respect. Then, as they are eaten, I honor them for their contribution to my life.

I work to make my life worthy of the sacrifice of their life to give me energy.
Six things I could never do without
The things I probably really can’t do without, both in myself and in others around me, are a sense of humor, balance, clarity, strength, opportunities to learn, warmth, grace, hope, touching, rootedness, the satisfaction of meaningful activity, going on walks on natural Land, healthy food, more balance within being grounded in the Land, and friendship.

Things I think I can’t do without are laughter, cuddling, sunshine, books, art, fresh fruit, and to be living near mountains, prairies , rivers, and the sea, where I can see lots of open sky and weather with vistas of sunrises, sunsets, and stars.

Fully expressing my creativity and stewardship seems to require a really big pile of tools of all kinds. Besides tools like wrenches and saws, my tools include: books, CDs, sewing equipment, household linen, work clothing, and camping equipment. In this sense, most of what I own is tools. Probably a pile of tools counts as a single thing, right :)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to be an indigenous cooperative part of the Land when I am surrounded by an urban industrial civilization focused on competing to hoard and consume resources.

How much of life is loops and spirals and how often efforts at improvement just stir the pot again or even make things worse.

How to help people step out of the trap where they are too numb and disconnected to listen to their heart or to our Mother the Earth, and because they fail to listen, they keep hurting themselves in ways that leave them numb and disconnected.

I really wonder a lot about how deep friendship and cooperation can fit into the current human civilization.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
A big question, which I haven’t made much progress on resolving, is the whole polyamory/monogamy thing. Since I don't currently have any intimate relationships, it’s in a practical sense a moot point for the time being. Still, it’s important to sort it out in the long run.

What really concerns me is I've starting to wonder if polyamory is a healthy thing when done within a viciously competitive culture like the mainstream culture. When poly is done in a culture like this it will result in the hording of partners, many people being left isolated out in the cold, and this in turn will damage the social fabric that holds society together. Most of the historical examples of poly (where all genders are allowed to have multiple partners) come from deeply cooperative cultures.

The fabric of society is already unraveling and anything that makes this worse is dangerous.

At the same time, the popular concept of monogamous couples seems by definition to be codependent to me, which sounds like a poor option for me.

There is already a great problem in society where many people are being repressed, suppressed, constrained, and stunted, and this greatly handicaps human society for problem solving and successfully dealing with the many huge, urgent challenges facing it. Encouraging codependent relationships seems to be part of the problem, not the solution.

I have mostly tabled these questions about poly and monogamy while working to sort out my indigenous beliefs, and how they do and don’t fit in with the euroamerican culture.
You should message me if
– May 2017 update –
You should message me if you plan on supporting yourself. If you are looking for somebody to support you, I'm not that person. I'm looking for a partner in living life, not a dependent. I see close friendship, even if you aren't living together, as a kind of partnership.

Even if I was rolling in money, it would be sexist and demeaning (to both you and me) for you to expect me to spend my hard-earned money on your expenses, just because you have a vagina. I'm dismayed that after 50 years of feminism, so many women still see themselves as a man's accessory. That said, there is a gender pay gap and I was paid more, just because I have a penis (pretty stupid - I've known some amazingly competent women). A reasonable balance point, which acknowledges the gender pay gap, might be splitting expenses 44/56. Since I live simply and frugally, splitting expenses 44/56 wouldn't exactly be a windfall for you. LOL

More than that, I keep working to free up personal resources so there are more resources to invest in service to our Mother the Earth. I'm not sure how to describe this way of life. Saying I find an indigenous-monk-activist-teacher way of life to be attractive, is at least a starting point for describing my way of life.

Does working on living this way of life sound attractive to you?

I don't wear sackcloth because tee shirts and jeans are a more pragmatic investment of money into my well-being and ability to do tasks.

The first goal in my life is stewarding my basic well-being. The second goal is to invest almost everything else in service to our Mother the Earth. If this doesn't sound satisfying and rewarding to you, then you need to be with somebody else.

– End of update –

To connect well with me:
– You must ask me questions so you will have a better understanding of what I’m meaning here – misunderstandings are rampant in the world, and the way to avoid this is to ask questions.

– You must be working to have the courage and strength to see life as it actually is, to be seeking a vision for a better life for yourself and your community, and to be doing the day-to-day tasks needed to make this vision happen. To support this work you must be working let go of defense mechanisms like rationalizations. Wikipedia has a useful article on defense mechanisms and how they distort reality. To have the best chance of making a real difference, you must be creatively seeking ways to make the best of what is available in the world.

– You must be learning to be pragmatic about encouraging and sustaining healthy balances in all aspects of life.

– You must be learning to be kind and compassionate when expressing your honesty, and when listening you must be learning to do it with openhearted and open-minded compassion.

– You must be learning to be tolerant and forgiving of yourself, others, and me, when we make mistakes in learning how to do all of this.

When connecting with me, it would work out much better if:
– You feel happy and safe in natural areas of diverse self-sustaining life away from urban areas, you ground yourself in the Land, and you do okay for a while without indoor plumbing.

– You are taking responsibility and working to be self-reliant. Sharing, cooperation, and respect for all life are fundamental in your life. You work each day to center yourself in this way of living.

When connecting with me, it would be really nice if:
– You believe shared laughter is a key ingredient for a wonderful life.

I suppose deep in my heart what I want most is to be with people who like to cooperate together in working to make the best of what happens in our lives and in the world around us.

I make the best of what happens through stewardship of my well-being and the well-being of our Earth, and finding a healthy balance in doing this.

I want to reach mutual agreements on this work through deep listening and cooperative learning. I spend a lot of my time doing this learning and work, and want to do this together with other people.

Maybe we will only connect a little bit, however, this is what I really want to be doing with that little bit of connection with you.
The two of us