Witty-Atl
36 Englewood, United States
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Witty-Atl
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My self-summary
I think my random thoughts can provide some insight into myself. It's either that or avoid being cliche by listing myself as humorless, apathetic, lethargic, dangerously unhealthy, and susceptible to fits of uncontrollable, Hulk like rage.

- I don't understand the brazenness of geese. Every other wild animal retreats at the presence of humans, except geese. They will cross a road in the middle of rush hour traffic, and if you come across one in a park they will chase you away....unless you bribe them with bread. Geese are kind of the jerks of the animal kingdom, or some kind of carbs mafia.

- At what age can a man use smiley faces in emails? I mean it's acceptable for a child, and a grandpa can do it and be considered adorable, but as a 35 year old man I think that if I started using them in emails people would find it kind of strange. I just realized, smiley faces are ageists.

- I've never met a Mitch or a Dolores in real life. Where are they all hiding?

- Why are beach towels and bathroom towels not the same size? Does the towel industry believe that if they started providing extra large bathroom towels we would become confused by the extra length and out of our confusion instinctually lay them on tile floors and attempt to tan ourselves in the bathroom? I would. Good call towel industry. I retract my criticism.

- I firmly believe life is made up of subtle differences that we unconsciously might not realize, but amount to a lot. For instance the difference between being a weird guy eating a burrito in a park alone and a guy enjoying a picnic is the act of sitting on a blanket.

- I grew up with two sisters who regularly took the remote from me. Therefore, I unfortunately can quote Steel Magnolias. "Drink your juice Shelby". It haunts my dreams, and yet I regularly try to slip the phrase into casual conversation. Side note, after writing this I immediately did something manly.

About me besides my random thoughts...well first off I noticed there are quite a few pictures of me with my dog so just in case you were wondering I'm the human in those pictures. I just thought I should clear up any confusion now. I also have a serious side including serious characteristics like ambition, goals,and the ability to cook a nutritious meal (I'm an adult and own multiple pots and pans #cookwarehumblebrag). I also think of myself as a good guy and pride myself on what I believe that means including loyalty and empathy...as well as holding the door for strangers.

I've done my share of dating, and jokes aside I'm genuinely looking for something more meaningful at this point. I'd like to find the person that I can enjoy adventures with, even if they are as mundane as going to Target to buy toothpaste....because I think the person that can make buying toothpaste a fun activity is the person you stick with.

I'm looking for someone that I can plan a trip with, but also spend time on the couch drinking red wine (I recently got into wine....mainly because it makes my cheese addiction look less weird as now I can pare it with a classy beverage). Rather than have a long list of things I'm looking for in another person or deal breakers I prefer to keep it simple and limit it to someone I think is beautiful and I get a kick out of because really if you feel that chemistry it doesn't matter if you don't have the exact same taste in music or taco joints (as long as both people do agree tacos are awesome).
What I’m doing with my life
Keeping it real 24/7....I think people still say keeping it real. Ok, I'm keeping it real 23/7 and the other hour I spend trying to learn new slang.

I was English major in college, so like most English majors I have a bookshelf that demonstrates that I went to college, and my job is not in "English". However, I can discuss Auden, Shakespeare, and pretend to appreciate Ezra Pound as I believe is the case with most English majors.
I’m really good at
Chili. I've won multiple office chili cook offs. It may not be the sexiest skill set, but it might just be the heartiest.
The first things people usually notice about me
My boobs. It happens to us too ladies....my eyes are up here is a phrase I say way too often. I'd like to say my rapier wit and boyish charm, and clearly my humility, but probably my boobs. Oh, and people always say to me, "why are you asking me if I'm looking at your boobs?".

Also, I've been told that I dress a lot preppier than my tastes and sense of humor reflect.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My tastes run the gamut from dumb comedies to foreign films. I love to watch the Sunday morning news of the week shows, followed by football.

Movies: Noir and black comedies are some of my favorite genres. I also like to see how Netflix determines recommendations for a guy that watches a 1960s Italian film followed by Role Models. I hope one day it just says "I have no clue".

In terms of music, a wide range of tastes; Dylan, Tom Waits, The Jayhawks, Okervil River, Elliott Smith, Sam Cooke, Velvet Underground. I'm a big fan of old soul music.

I've been on a Dennis Lehane kick recently. Before that I was reading The Unwinding. Gone Baby Gone was a really great mystery/detective story and The Unwinding is an extremely interesting look at the current state of America. Some of my favorite writers are Fitzgerald, Faulkner, Philip Roth, and Raymond Carver.

Food: I'll try anything at least once. Shellfish is one of my favorite menu items, I wish I could thank whoever first decided that eating an oyster looked appetizing. Whenever I travel, eating new cuisine is one of my favorite parts of the trip. I can say with confidence that if I lived in certain cities I would obese within a month. New Orleans - I would end up one of those guys on Springer that needs a crane to get him taken out of the house.
The six things I could never do without
Coffee would be needed, without it I couldn't figure out the other 5 things.
Humor
Family
Exercise
My dog
And obviously cream for my coffee
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why a mustache doesn't have a middle ground. Either it looks good and you're Tom Selleck, or it looks creepy and you're the guy that looks like he drives a white van with no windows who makes hair dolls.
On a typical Friday night I am
Doing typical things.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I may or may not believe in Bigfoot, and I may or may not want to be BFFs with him (or her).
You should message me if
Any of my profile clicked with you, or you want to talk tacos.
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