27Columbus, United States
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My self-summary
I take care of my pets and hold Viking funerals for those who don't make it.

I pretend I'm tough because I ride a motorcycle.

I scream at the TV when I lose a video game because that shit obviously wasn't my fault.

I have my bachelor's degree in biology and sometimes when I'm drunk I wear a lab coat while referring to my cat as my lab assistant, Dr. Schrödy.

I like not murdering people I meet on OkCupid.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to prove I'm not a serial killer.
I’m really good at
Getting really drunk and pissing in my cat's litter box to try and encourage him to use the toilet.
Six things I could never do without
A sense of humor

A shovel

An axe

An untraceable getaway vehicle

Cat treats

Pumpkin spice lattes
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How a 15 degree turn of the steering wheel can make you go from Joe-everyman to a front page story
On a typical Friday night I am
Seeing if I can launch chips in the air and catch them with my mouth
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I may or may not have a nightlight in my room. Not for any particular reason like the monsters that are definitely under my bed.

I'm also kind of a fan of Lady Gaga... I can't help it.
You should message me if
You have daddy issues and are looking for someone to work those out with, or have a guess as to which parts of my profile are a joke and would like to chat.
The two of us