32Houston, United States
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My self-summary
I finally capitulated to peer pressure and joined. "Why not?" I figured, "Everyone's doing it. What's the worst that could happen? Well... I could end up getting catfished by a 400lb black guy named Jennifer. That would suck." That was my actual thought process.

I'm not your average kind of guy. I'm an attorney, which makes me about 78% douche. This is mitigated by my hilarity. I play with Lego. I have a Persian cat named Misha. She pretty much hates everyone but me. This makes me feel special.

I love fish. I have five saltwater tanks. I'm too lazy to go into more detail, but take my word for it, they are pretty kewl. I was once going to buy a shark. I didn't.

I have lived in seven countries and can speak five languages. I only mention this to impress you ladies with my worldliness. I once dated a girl who thought the capital of Italy was France. This is unacceptable. I grew up in Italy and would love to meet a girl who can speak Italian. Obviously, like everyone else on earth, I enjoy traveling.

I am very fascinated by paleontology. My favorite extinct megafauna is the Paraceratherium. If I had a time machine I would go back to the Eocene, then I would berate myself for not going back one day before a lottery and getting the winning numbers. I am also an amature World War II historian. And I play the drums... whatever the hell that has to do with the rest of this paragraph.

If you're into Affliction wearing meatheads, let me know. I borrowed and never returned a shirt from a friend and it just so happens to be Affliction, I will put it on for you and pretend to be illiterate. We can go rent a Ferrari and hit up the club. But goddamn you would have to be so incredibly hot for that to ever happen...

Not sold? I'll let my reviews do the talking:

"A complete douche"
- The New York Times

"Every time we hang out... I die a little inside"
- Best friend

"If by lawyer you mean 'wanker', then yes, he's the best"
- The Guardian UK

"Boy ain't right"
- Dad

"Yes, he's hung like a horse. My Little Pony"
- Ex-gf


Ig: yesyesyouwill
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a lawyer.
I’m really good at
Being good.
The first things people usually notice about me
My luscious locks.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Music: The Boxer Rebellion, The Helio Sequence, Doves, Interpol, Fields, Kasabian, Massive Attack, Mute Math, Neon Indian, Rõyksopp, IAMX, VHS or Beta... A lot of others.

Movies: I love horror movies. Some of my favorites: Event Horizon, The Thing (John Carpenter version), The Shining, Pet Sematery, 28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead...

Food: I will try pretty much anything, but I particularly love Italian, Indian, Turkish, Brazilian, Malaysian and Japanese. And burgers. LOVE a good burger.
Six things I could never do without
1) Tacos
2) Crushed red pepper (single)
3) Cardboard box
4) Bird of Paradise
5) NaCl
6) Eyeball (x2)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Whether Mexican trees understand Canadian geese.
On a typical Friday night I am
Smoking crack underneath some overpass with my homies.
You should message me if
All else has failed.
The two of us