26 Buckingham, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
I'm Zarte, I'm 26, I live in Buckinghamshire. I say this mostly because having seen I was advertising myself as 2 years younger, I realised I should probably update this (27/7/16)

I use a wheelchair. I hate the fact I have to mention this but apparently it's important. Doesn't bother me though, so I don't see why it should you. Please note, wheelchair does not mean paraplegic. My body has all the right notes, just not necessarily in all the right order (Kudos if you get the reference)

My sexual tastes are varied but usually rather kinky. This may seem odd to put so close to the top. It's mostly to appease the idiots on here who just want to know anything that's going to put them off. If you're actually wanting to read a profile properly, carry on - I might say something worthwhile at some point

I'm single. I have been single for a long time. I like being single. This is basically my space to occasionally go "Ah, but it could be good to..." - then I read a few profiles and I decide I was right in the first place...

I like sport (though clearly not practically very often), music (mostly indie and rock, but I can find some good in most genres) and generally chilling with friends. I'm also a damn good cook. And a little bit of a food snob apparently... which irritates people, but I don't realise I'm doing it. (My Mother has taken to hitting me any time I talk about a "creme anglaise")

I am acerbic, opinionated and sarcastic. These have been thought to be both adverts of my general unlikeableness, and also some of my best traits, by different people. Generally come across as a wanker if you don't know me, but I'm a soft touch if I give a shit.

I'm not very good at diplomacy though. Like... ever. Never ask me a question unless you want anything other than brutal honesty.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm not USUALLY into casual sex (not true all the time, but it's a rare phase), but I'm not really seeing anyone floating my boat on a romantic level either. So maybe just... good conversation? And then see where that moves?

I don't reply to messages if I'm not interested most of the time, because I can't be arsed.

If all this puts you off, then thank you profile text for not wasting my time.
What I’m doing with my life
Working from my bed, attempting to convince my employers that they should give me more work. I'm self-employed though, so this means I can spend weeks just dossing around aimlessly and then spend weeks working my arse off for my next pay cheque.

In the middle of that I tend to play word games and occasionally get far more drunk than I should. And cook too much. And therefore eat too much.
I’m really good at
Cooking... but I already said that...

What else... erm. Making people laugh/irritating the fuck out of people - These do not appear to be mutually exclusive.

Rearranging words and numbers.
The first things people usually notice about me
My eyes physically. And then the fact I've left a trail of destruction in my wake.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Book - Nick Hornby, Linwood Barclay
Film - Shawshank Redemption, High Fidelity
TV - Anything food related, sport related, or intelligent comedy/quizcoms
Music - I'm founded in rock but I like bits of everything.
Food - I like most non-mammalian meat food, especially if it's spicy. (Think that's the most arse-about-face way I've ever managed to say I'm pescatarian)
The six things I could never do without
The Internet
A filthy mind
Someone to apologise for me
Word Games
My ability to count to 6.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Work, food, 9-letter words, food, song lyrics, food, why I'm getting fatter.
On a typical Friday night I am
Playing word games, occasionally drinking, making as much of a nuisance of myself as I do on the other 6 nights of the week.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I used to be the promoter for a fetish event.
You should message me if
You're clinically insane.

You would like to be clinically insane.

You run a home for the clinically insane.