27 Seattle, United States
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My self-summary
I'm part robot. I make jokes. Sometimes they are tasteless. Sometimes they make people laugh. Sometimes they only make me laugh. I don't take life very seriously.

Triangles are my favorite shape.

I don't do the whole walking thing, so please don't be a staircase. No offense to the staircases of the world, you guys just aren't for me.

One of my exes once told me that I'm an "adorably entertaining trainwreck" and I'd say that's a pretty accurate description.
What I’m doing with my life
I've been making electronic music off and on for the past decade. I released an EP fairly recently and if you're interested you can check it out here.

Drinking too many beers and then giving myself really stupid tattoos.

I'm also getting into some metalwork. More specifically, making knives. Awhile ago I discovered the vast genre of knife making videos on YouTube and have fallen in love with the idea of turning a chunk of steel into a useful tool. Update: I am making my first knife! Without power tools! My arms hurt! Thrilling!

Slowing down songs so you feel like you're on opiates
I’m really good at
Telling stories, breaking limbs, Settlers of Catan, slappin' five, watching movies, being pals, having a beard, collecting hats, collecting dad shirts, drinking beers, giving hugs, coming up with stupid band names, teasing everyone, twiddling synthesizer knobs, giving bad tattoos
The first things people usually notice about me
The cripple chariot. It's pretty hard to miss. Unless you're that one lady I went on a date with that somehow had no idea that I couldn't walk until we met up. That was an experience.

I'm listening to music and can't hear you.

I probably have Giorgio Tsoukalos hair.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Oh boy, do I like things. Here is a far too long wall of text.

Books: A Heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius, American Psycho, Ender's Game, Cat's Cradle, His Dark Materials, and anything by Isaac Asimov, Philip K. Dick or Arthur C. Clarke.

Movies: The Room, Oldboy, I Saw the Devil, City of God, Encino Man, Primer, My Left Foot, Terminator 2, Troll 2, Demolition Man, Moon, Red Dawn, anything by Harmony Korine, the Coen brothers, or Charlie Kaufman

Shows: X-Files, The IT Crowd, Workaholics, Skins, Seinfeld, Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Peep Show, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Twin Peaks, Broad City

I used to have a list of bands here but it was way too long. I listen to some of everything (but mostly metal, punk, hip-hop, and various forms of electronic music) and here are some albums currently in my rotation:
Lorn - Ask the Dust
Altar of Plagues - Teethed Glory and Injury
Om - Advaitic Songs
Oddisee - Tangible Dream
Fall of Efrafa - Elil
Deafheaven - Sunbather
Eagulls - Ullages
Run the Jewels - RTJ2
Whirr - Sway
Playboy Manbaby - Bummeritaville
(Everybody needs to listen to Playboy Manbaby, they're incredible. If you take anything from this list, it should be that you should listen to this band. Please go look them up and give them all your money.)
The six things I could never do without
Human interaction
Soundwaves penetrating my earholes
Flavorful fermented beverages
Headphones that don't suck 80 butts
Hair that grows out of the lower portion of my face
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Orbital mechanics.

Playing shows.

Moving to Reykjavik in the distant future, moving to Detroit or Olympia in the slightly less distant future, but still at some sort of nebulous point in the future.

Where the spiders are hiding in my house. Arachnophobia. Kill all spiders.

Electronics and general audio related stuff. I will never ever stop nerding out on things that have knobs and keys.
On a typical Friday night I am
Zooping around the internet looking for SIQ JAMS.


At a bar watching some dude growl about wizards, sitting in my room listening to some dude growl about wizards, wishing I was in a doom band that wrote growly songs about wizards, not being a wizard

Fuck man, I'm not a wizard. That sucks.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I had a mullet when I was a child. It was pretty boss.

I unironically like RiFF RAFF.

I unironically like Fetty Wap.

I am obsessed with Jaden Smith's eyebrows.
You should message me if
...drinking and building a box fort sounds like a good date rarely feel like an adult have synesthesia

...everything you do is a balloon get stoked on any of the following: getting stoked, Kurt Russell movie parties, drinking with cripples, high fives, canadians, killing spiders, settlers of catan, drinking cheap beer, drinking fancy beer, wizards, tommy wiseau, ice cream trucks, synthesizers, explosives, watching terminator 2 as many times as you can in one day, christmas sweaters, white russians, being in the vicinity of nerds, moxie, ufos, nostalgia, mustaches, beards, neckbeards, wizards with beards, Tommy Wiseau with a beard, a beard with a beard, hot beard on beard action think any of the following is total bullshit: pants