- I can play the accordion... but choose not to.
- Gluten is sensitive to *me*.
- I barely cried after the intro to Pixar's "UP".
- Your parents already like me.
- I invented dubstep... at my 5th grade recorder recital.
Probably the most fascinating part of these personal facts—and many others like them—is they're completely un-true! But, you know, that hardly makes them less interesting! And now that I have your attention let's continue to true-er things...
How about we talk about what we both like?
Since there's a chance that you and I may go on a date someday, that seems important.
Here: this is a list of some things I think are—or might be—totally awesome. I'm not saying we should do them on our first date; I'm just saying that I hope you're excited by these ideas too:
- SCUBA diving the Great Barrier Reef
- Spending, like, way too much money on a Bay to Breakers costume
- Waking up early to watch the sun rise
- Thoroughly reading the Wikipedia entries on "The Donner Party", "Relativistic time dilation", "Origin of the domestic dogs".
- Backpacking the entire Pacific Crest Trail
- Jumping off a cliff (into water)
- Watching the movie "Sharknado"—a movie about a tornado hitting Los Angeles that is full of killer sharks
- Bicycling through Europe for three months
- Doing a bunch of drugs at Burning Man
- Driving a VW Van to all the Western US National Parks
- Internet. Cat. Videos.
I would see you for the first time as your train pulled into the station. We would then tearfully say hello. As we grew younger together we would drift apart emotionally—un-sharing experiences. We would un-climb Half Dome together, un-watch Zoolander once a week and un-meet your parents.
Outrageous apartment rent prices in San Francisco would fall to be slightly less Outrageous. Progressively slower and slower iPhones would be released. Baristas would methodically suck frothed milk back into latte machines. I would carefully delete lines of code at work.
We would slowly un-discover each other's little flaws and foibles.
As we get less and less serious our lives would slowly untangle from each other; we would un-meet each other's friends. Eventually we would kiss for the last time. The final time we see each other would be over drinks a few days before messaging on OKCupid.
...Sooner or later you would start dating your ex-boyfriend.
You talk to strangers.
You're opinionated—but are considerate enough to have thought about *why* you have those opinions.
You can parallel park like a badass but don't own a car.
You call people out on their bullshit—but in a totally nice way.
You can disagree about something without getting angry.
You think grammar is important; I think I might be using the em dash (—) wrong—sorry.
You think most arguments can be settled with some judicious Googling and Wikipedia-ing.