29Raleigh, United States
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My self-summary
note: i was told i should place the part about how capital letters make me a sad panda at the top of this thing, as it seems that some people correlate such a dearth with a proportionate lack of intelligence. please do not interpret it as such. with that being said, however, you should know that capital letters do indeed make me a lugubrious ailuropod.

hi there. i'm evan. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

i'm a forward software engineer by day, and a reverse software engineer by night. i currently work at an undisclosed location that involves three letters, statistics, and delicious lunches which are eaten to the smooth piano-playing skills of a man who wears dark glasses to make people think he's blind.

• i like people, generally speaking.
• i have a cat that is basically a dog; his name is xbalanque.
• sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i had been born a velociraptor. not necessarily in the mezozoic era, though. like, i want to be that cultured velociraptor who knows about all the cool new coffee shops in town.
• i own five stuffed penguins and two (2) stuffed sharks.
• soccer. oh em gee, soccer. if you follow the premiership and your team involves the color red, you can stop reading this now.
• i could drink red bull (sugar free, mind you) until the end of time and i'd be completely fine with that.
• i'm a total and complete nerd. it's casual.
• people call me out for being a beer snob. i drank enough natty light earlier in my college career. i like to enjoy what i'm drinking now, and usually that means something i can't (easily) see through. note: IPAs are the (rather delicious) exception to this.
• i'm not actually a beer snob, as it were; i love showing people new beers that they might not have tried otherwise.
• sprinkler systems are pretty neat.
• it makes me sad that i live two hours from the beach now. i used to surf when i was younger, and there's not a better way to start your morning.
• i used to sing in an a cappella group.
• i've never gone to REI and left with only the thing i went there for.
• i like guys. scandalous, i know.
• i enjoy singing very loudly with the windows down while driving and reveling in the varied reactions displayed by other motorists.
• i can dougie. please don't ask me to.
• puns are basically my life.
• i have a slight obsession with dinosaurs. my license plate is "RAWRRRR?" yes, it is necessary for it to be interrogative.

this list is getting entirely too long. i'm going to stop now.
What I’m doing with my life
i work full time and i volunteer with the fire service and EMS. med school is where i'd like to end up eventually. i mean, that's what i really love to do. not a fan of sitting behind a desk all day, although my office is pretty neat. fixing people is a hell of a lot more fun than writing crypto implementations.
I’m really good at
finding good music, cuddling, singing, extinguishing fires, enterprise systems architecture, kerberos, cryptography, objective-c, golang, swift, biochemistry, really horrible puns, residential construction. not necessarily in that order. but it might be in that order. the choice is yours, and yours alone.
The first things people usually notice about me
are that i'm a guy, i have hair, and that i wear t-shirts. sometimes. people also make fun of me for hating sweet tea.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
i'm starting to read a lot more than i used to. recently i've been into tao lin's books, especially "eeeee eee eeee," which is amazing. from the back cover: "confused-yet-intelligent animals attempt to interact with confused-yet-intelligent humans, resulting in the death of elijah wood, salman rushdie, and wong kar-wai; the destruction of a domino's pizza delivery car in orlando; and a vegan dinner at a sushi restaurant in manhattan attended by a dolphin, a bear, a moose, an alien, three humans, and the president of the united states of america, who lectures on the arbitrary nature of consciousness, truth, and the universe before getting drunk and playing poker." (if this interests you, we will probably get along swimmingly.)

i can get into just about any movie. ask to see my netflix queue. prepare to be amazed and/or shocked. i'm rather partial to christopher guest movies, though. especially ones that are an hour and a half of movie leading up to one cleverly executed joke. tanpopo is also an excellent film and is probably the only spaghetti western in existence that is about ramen noodle shops.

even though this question mentions nothing about television shows, i'm going to be a rebel and talk about them anyway. i love 30 rock, arrested development, it's always sunny in philadelphia, house of cards, parks and recreation, portlandia, louie, brooklyn nine-nine, comedy bang! bang! (both the show and the podcast), anything that tim and eric (and john c. reilly) do, rick and morty, steven universe, NOVA, mr. robot, etc. you get the idea.

my musical tastes are a bit of a shitshow. a smattering of selected artists: freelance whales, two door cinema club, miniature tigers, Y▲CHT, future islands, feist, aesop rock, micachu, ólafur arnalds, memoryhouse, jónsi, philip glass, faded paper figures, the naked and famous, bombadil, the bear romantic, the rosebuds, superchunk, surfer blood, LCD soundsystem, holy ghost!, shit robot, the juan maclean, city and colour, the pains of being pure at heart, mogwai, yelle, andrew bird, we were promised jetpacks, french horn rebellion, gayngs, bowerbirds, movits!, delorean, patrick wolf, of montreal, first aid kit, the polish ambassador, owen pallett/final fantasy, goldfrapp, joanna newsom, phantogram, architecture in helsinki. i also like some mainstream music: jimmy eat world, death cab, something corporate, the national, bon iver, etc. oh, and then there's wagner, liszt, schubert, mussorgsky, and mahler. i think they're pretty cool guys who doesn't afraid of anything.

(FUN FACT: the 506 is a great place for a first date. i'm just sayin'.)

if i had to pick a favorite food classification, i think i'd go with korean. i love kimchi more than a lot of things. it's good on everything. i've yet to find any sort of asian food i didn't like. also, i grow peppers and brew beer. i guess that counts as food too.
Six things I could never do without
1) my phone, as sad as that is.
2) my friends. life would be p. boring without them.
3) stuffed sharks who are willing to pretend to eat me in pictures. (NOTE: the shark in question's name is nathan.)
4) netflix. i mean, let's not kid ourselves here.
5) my macbook pro.
6) my car. i love my car. there are many like it, but this one is mine.
7) lowercase letters. it'd be fairly hard to communicate without them.
8) lists that contain less than eight items.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
existentialism. and koalas. i like koalas. and turtles.
On a typical Friday night I am
usually out at a show somewhere or at ruby deluxe/the borough/foundation/slim's/kings/neptune's/landmark/insert-name-of-good-bar-in-downtown-raleigh-here. it varies, however. i generally have no idea what i'm doing on any given friday night until it happens. my friends are awesome like that, and i seriously love spontaneity.

i'm also partial to cuddling on the couch and watching episodes of stupid tv shows and ridiculous movies.

take your pick.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
when i was four my nose was basically halfways ripped off my face by the corner of a rogue coffee table drawer when i fell. you can't really tell now (i don't scar very much at all), but it's a neat story.
You should message me if
you're currently breathing. that's kind of a prerequisite. it would also help if you were able to type. if you're able to send me a message without typing, i have some questions for you.
The two of us