39St. Louis, United States
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My self-summary
I'm looking for a compatible woman. Crazy idea I know. I figure I should roll the dice and expand my horizons online. I've had all my shots. I'm well-insured. I'm mayonnaise-free. If all that hasn't enticed you already, keep reading!
What I’m doing with my life
Working. Sampling beers. More working. Trying not to corrupt any youth in my presence. Attempting to stay fit.
I’m really good at
Two-finger typing. Minor home repair. Killing spiders. Partying like it's 1999.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm usually a little quiet at first but warm up quickly. I don't have much of a mental filter so I'm prone to say what I think which is often politically incorrect. Also my smoldering sexuality. I'm like a whitebread Antonio Banderas.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
South Park. Workaholics. The Wire. Game of Thrones. I don't read too much anymore. I'll eat anything except fish. I should eat more vegetables. I have never really understood the appeal of Thai food but I could fake liking it for the right woman. I've gotten too old to search for new good music so I just listen to old stuff anymore.
Six things I could never do without
Pizza. Internet. Beef. My kick-ass gold teeth. Sassy black women who only exist as media caricatures. Nitrogen-based fertilizers
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How soon can I retire and live on the beach? Why do I get so many emails from people who think I have a small penis that I want enlarged?
On a typical Friday night I am
Tipping back beers or babysitting. Trying to figure out who is Key and who is Peele (Do their mothers even know?). Occasionally working,
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Big boobs really don't turn me on. Except for Oprah's tig ol' bittties. Oprah, you know you are the only one for me. Also, I'm not sure why I haven't given up on this site and the internet in general. I feel I am uniquely unable to meaningfully interact wth the opposite sex online. Maybe everyone feels that way. I am seriously wondering if posting a shirtless selfie would actually work. That's how ugly things have gotten
You should message me if
You aren't completely nuts. A little nuts is ok. Hopefully you are kinda smart and not a murderous rapscallion intent on taking all my stuff.
The two of us