39Pittsburgh, United States
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My self-summary
i will kick your ass at scrabble and drink you under the table. that's all you need to know.

i am wickedly intelligent, naughty, and awesome.
(okcupid used to make you give three adjectives about yourself, and i'm not willing to give that up.)
What I’m doing with my life
trying to figure out what i am doing with my life. adulthood is for the birds.
I’m really good at
witty banter. the new york times sunday crossword. picking songs on the bar jukebox. grammar and spelling (seriously, don't say "your" when you mean "you are" or i will automatically hate you). eating cheese (a big block of parm-regg is the key to my heart). buying shoes. and being awesome (and sarcastic).
The first things people usually notice about me
when they're not looking at my boobs, i think they are admiring my -- no, wait. they're looking at my boobs.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
i love me some Salinger. also, The Secret History, Portnoy's Complaint, My Uncle Oswald (or anything by Dahl), The Virgin Suicides, Tales of the City, Douglas Coupland, Chuck Palahniuk, Rick Moody, Augusten Burroughs and pretty much anything that is written for people with an IQ over 100. and this list would not be complete (okay, it is nowhere near complete) without my favorite book in the history of the world...the dictionary. i am a fan of the American Heritage Dictionary, but any will do just fine. and i am so serious.

movies - who can start that list? but the best film that i have seen recently is "idiocracy." which goes back to my love of making fun of people. and i can say that i have a special place in my heart for john waters and mr. hitchcock.

i love way too many artists, but the loves of my life at this very moment are girl talk, northern state, spank rock, queen, rufus wainwright, damien rice, calvin harris, lcd soundsystem, prince, MJ, mark ronson, and 2 live crew. and that may change in the next moment, depending on what my itunes decides to play for me.

don't even get me started on food. i have gone on weekend trips for the express purpose of dining. my love of restaurants is bordering on addiction. my goals in life are to visit the french laundry and alinea. if you know what i am talking about, you are awesome. if you want to take me to either of these places, you are even better.

and if this video makes you weep out of pure awe and lust, we will probably get along.
Six things I could never do without
cheese (the food and the pop culture medium), the music of the scissor sisters, bed, bourbon, it's always sunny in philadelphia and drag queens.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how i can make enough money to someday be the middle-aged woman in the leopard bikini, sitting by the pool, drinking martinis at noon and screwing the pool boy.
On a typical Friday night I am
drinking bourbon. or watching terrible reality television. or drinking too much bourbon and sending my friends ridiculous texts. i am the queen of ridiculous texts.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
the arm that was protruding from my head when i was a child has since been removed. really, you can only feel a tiny bump where the thumb used to be.
You should message me if
you are the pool boy.
The two of us