“Knows more about movies than you. Period.” – Allegra, musician, awesome afro
“I just took a five minute break from work to figure out how to sell you to potential dates, so that’s a thing. Also, I love you more than anyone else ever will so they should consider themselves lucky they even get to look at your dating profile let alone potentially go out with you. Let’s see…Amber is one of the most honest, open and generous friends I have. She has taught me a lot about being unabashedly me and her influence in my life has truly changed me for the better. She also has good taste in lake docks, bad horror movie scripts, and digestive teas.” – Melissa, fellow pizza slinger back in the day, has been to India multiple times, can brew her own beer and is a pastry chef
“Her tits are gravity-defying and luscious as fuck, she is smart and kind and hilarious and has excellent taste in everything. Smells like butterscotch and regular scotch.” – Emily, fellow Jew, very loud, Social Studies major
“Seems nice. Talks a lot. She described her butthole to me once.” – Stephen, very tall, wears great shirts, best dancer, warm heart, very fashionable glasses
“Will run with you before brunch. Overwhelmingly profane. Titties like majestic mountaintops. Full of spirit and humor in equal measure…and booze. Good skin, would make a suit out of it.” – Lindsay, costume designer, has dog named John Wayne, really really good at everything, especially putting her hair up messily but prettily
“Uhhhh…you’re putting me on the spot and it’s driving up my anxiety levels! What did everyone else say? I don’t know, I’d date you, I guess. You’re a real goodtime Sally.” – Jasmine, Anime nerd, looks like Imperator Furiosa
“Makes lots of ugly faces. I have pictures. Farts in her sleep. Will eat all your food and get makeup on your clean towels. Killer dance moves. She’s my best friend. And my worst enemy. We’ll die by each other’s hands, I know it.” – Heather, my sister. Total fucking weirdo.
“Like dating a cartoon character. Prone to childish outbursts. Great ass, average personality. Funny, though.” – MMA fighter/Goofball
“Go fuck yourself, you fucking cunt. I hope something runs over you.” – Video Store Clerk/Loser
“Weirdly hyperactive. Likes to drink and swim naked. We both loved Secret of NIMH and cooking from the Tom Colicchio cookbook. My friends all liked her more than me. She was definitely the one that got away…” – Air Force Pilot/Idiot
“Bad with secrets. Sometimes questionable memory (perhaps preferring her authored version of an event). Otherwise: a pleasant force of nature. Exhibitionist in most senses. Giving. Earnest. Adventurous. Sexually experienced, and GGG. A sensual being with a wild hair up her ass. Open to life and trusting sometimes to a fault. One of the funniest women I’ve ever met. Bright, cultured. Talented. Can accomplish great things with focus. The art with which she’s living her life will be a masterwork.” – Writer/Ballet Dancer
Movies: Fright Night, Green Room, The Secret of NIMH, Junebug, The Guest, Ghostbusters 1 & 2, Amores Perros, Grosse Pointe Blank, The Thing, Hannah and Her Sisters, Hush, Martha Marcy May Marlene, May, The Invitation, Jaws
Shows: Stranger Things, Silicon Valley, Broad City, Sons of Anarchy, Rick and Morty, Hannibal, Party Down, Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, Parks and Recreation, Carnivale, Twin Peaks, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Veronica Mars, Sherlock, The X-Files
Music: Joy Division, Kendrick Lamar, TV On the Radio, Junior Boys, Architecture in Helsinki, Mogwai, Phantogram, Mos Def, The Tallest Man on Earth, Neko Case, The Silver Apples, Smog, The Stanley Brothers, Elvis Costello, Fleet Foxes, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Cure, Dilated Peoples, Dead Prez, Jill Scott, Talib Kweli, David Bowie, Yeasayer, Yacht, Penguin Prison, Ke$ha
Podcasts: Harmontown, How Did This Get Made, Radiolab, This American Life, The Tobolowsky Files
Food: French and Japanese. But I'll eat anything.