31Austin, United States
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My self-summary
I’m a pretty amazing human being. But don’t take my word for it! I have gathered a series of reviews of me as a person. Obtaining these involved more than a couple uncomfortable phone calls, but it’s all in the name of honesty and originality, so fuck it. Enjoy!


“Knows more about movies than you. Period.” – Allegra, musician, awesome afro

“I just took a five minute break from work to figure out how to sell you to potential dates, so that’s a thing. Also, I love you more than anyone else ever will so they should consider themselves lucky they even get to look at your dating profile let alone potentially go out with you. Let’s see…Amber is one of the most honest, open and generous friends I have. She has taught me a lot about being unabashedly me and her influence in my life has truly changed me for the better. She also has good taste in lake docks, bad horror movie scripts, and digestive teas.” – Melissa, fellow pizza slinger back in the day, has been to India multiple times, can brew her own beer and is a pastry chef

“Her tits are gravity-defying and luscious as fuck, she is smart and kind and hilarious and has excellent taste in everything. Smells like butterscotch and regular scotch.” – Emily, fellow Jew, very loud, Social Studies major

“Seems nice. Talks a lot. She described her butthole to me once.” – Stephen, very tall, wears great shirts, best dancer, warm heart, very fashionable glasses

“Will run with you before brunch. Overwhelmingly profane. Titties like majestic mountaintops. Full of spirit and humor in equal measure…and booze. Good skin, would make a suit out of it.” – Lindsay, costume designer, has dog named John Wayne, really really good at everything, especially putting her hair up messily but prettily

“Uhhhh…you’re putting me on the spot and it’s driving up my anxiety levels! What did everyone else say? I don’t know, I’d date you, I guess. You’re a real goodtime Sally.” – Jasmine, Anime nerd, looks like Imperator Furiosa

“Makes lots of ugly faces. I have pictures. Farts in her sleep. Will eat all your food and get makeup on your clean towels. Killer dance moves. She’s my best friend. And my worst enemy. We’ll die by each other’s hands, I know it.” – Heather, my sister. Total fucking weirdo.


“Like dating a cartoon character. Prone to childish outbursts. Great ass, average personality. Funny, though.” – MMA fighter/Goofball

“Go fuck yourself, you fucking cunt. I hope something runs over you.” – Video Store Clerk/Loser

“Weirdly hyperactive. Likes to drink and swim naked. We both loved Secret of NIMH and cooking from the Tom Colicchio cookbook. My friends all liked her more than me. She was definitely the one that got away…” – Air Force Pilot/Idiot

“Bad with secrets. Sometimes questionable memory (perhaps preferring her authored version of an event). Otherwise: a pleasant force of nature. Exhibitionist in most senses. Giving. Earnest. Adventurous. Sexually experienced, and GGG. A sensual being with a wild hair up her ass. Open to life and trusting sometimes to a fault. One of the funniest women I’ve ever met. Bright, cultured. Talented. Can accomplish great things with focus. The art with which she’s living her life will be a masterwork.” – Writer/Ballet Dancer
What I’m doing with my life
My job is not exciting, but it pays the bills. I love what I do outside of my job more, which currently is hosting for Geeks Who Drink, acting in local theater and writing horror scripts. I'm an interesting balance of contentment and wild ambitions that I pursue with a fervor. I like trying everything and I want to see the whole fucking world.
I’m really good at
Being funny, very impulsive and slightly reckless.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: The Goldfinch, Stay Awake, A Secret History, White Teeth, Everything is Illuminated, His Dark Materials, Locke and Key, Proust Was a Neuroscientist, Our Guys, The Great Gatsby, Consider the Lobster, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Naked, The Handmaiden of Desire, Kushiel's Dart, St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves, The Brutal Language of Love, Men Explain Things to Me

Movies: Fright Night, Green Room, The Secret of NIMH, Junebug, The Guest, Ghostbusters 1 & 2, Amores Perros, Grosse Pointe Blank, The Thing, Hannah and Her Sisters, Hush, Martha Marcy May Marlene, May, The Invitation, Jaws

Shows: Stranger Things, Silicon Valley, Broad City, Sons of Anarchy, Rick and Morty, Hannibal, Party Down, Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, Parks and Recreation, Carnivale, Twin Peaks, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Veronica Mars, Sherlock, The X-Files

Music: Joy Division, Kendrick Lamar, TV On the Radio, Junior Boys, Architecture in Helsinki, Mogwai, Phantogram, Mos Def, The Tallest Man on Earth, Neko Case, The Silver Apples, Smog, The Stanley Brothers, Elvis Costello, Fleet Foxes, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Cure, Dilated Peoples, Dead Prez, Jill Scott, Talib Kweli, David Bowie, Yeasayer, Yacht, Penguin Prison, Ke$ha

Podcasts: Harmontown, How Did This Get Made, Radiolab, This American Life, The Tobolowsky Files

Food: French and Japanese. But I'll eat anything.
Six things I could never do without
My dog, fresh rosemary, old movie theaters, A Secret History, Bill Murray, my mom's David Bowie records
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Are we having fun yet?
On a typical Friday night I am
engaging in Dionysian lunacy rituals, roasting marshmallows over a bonfire and watching trashy horror films.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a phobia of swings. I seriously go to pieces. It's insane.
You should message me if
You're passionate about something besides fitness. You would describe yourself as a geek. You love books more than anything. You're a feminist. You want to have an actual conversation with me that doesn't begin with "wassup gorgeous." You would never vote for Trump. You're a "yes" person.
The two of us