33Rogers, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
Who am I?

I'm just some kid who woke up one day and was like "are those gray hairs? Well, crap, I guess I'd better get my act together." Luckily, that particular morning was over three years ago, so the act's pretty put together now. Unluckily...more gray hairs.

I'm from Little Rock and have lived in a few other places around the country, and visited quite a few places around the world. I moved to Northwest Arkansas on New Year's Day 2016. I felt it was my patriotic duty as an Arkansan to spend at least a year or two enriching one or more Waltons, so here I am.

My dream life is to work in financing renewable energy, travel the world experiencing life in other cultures, read voraciously, stay in shape, learn several additional languages passably well, and find a partner in crime to enjoy, learn, and live with me. And tell me what to do.

Besides that, I'm a very special boy. But I'll be damned if I'll reveal why to the likes of you!

Update: so many more gray hairs. -_-
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a lawyer, a banker, an entrepreneur. I founded a crowdfunding business with 50 cents in the bank in 2010 (before it was cool), litigated class actions against the nation's largest mortgage servicers (after it was cool) to settlements including billions of dollars in available compensation to average Americans, and managed a solo litigation practice that includes shareholder derivative actions and debt collection defense.

Unfortunately, I'm not so good at getting paid doing any of the above, so I've taken a day job working in compliance at Arkansas's original home-grown bank, helping it comply with new mortgage disclosure regulations.

So, finance is my passion. I want to develop detailed legal and practical expertise in financial law, products, and processes to found or work for a business that promotes a sustainable and equitable future for the world. In short: If anyone happens to be really good friends with Elon Musk, please give him my number.

I suffer from just enough self-doubt that I'm not half as imposing as I sound.


I became an uncle on December 7, 2014, and aspire to avuncular greatness.

I'm a fitness fanatic (compared to my peers anyway) and roast my own coffee. I'm learning to home bake whole wheat bread as part of a scheme to attract a mate who does not suffer from any variety of gluten intolerance/sensitivity/etc.
I’m really good at
Everything, obviously.
The first things people usually notice about me
I am amusing.

Folks remember my voice, the way I walk (very decisively), my "analytical facial expressions," my dog if she's with me, and the fact that I seem "very comfortable in [my] own skin."

And the fact that I once rode a horse in the mountains of Colombia. There's just something about me that gives that sort of vibe, y'know?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Vonnegut, Stephenson, Atwood

Pulp Fiction, Dark Knight, Gangs of New York

Rock, man. Rock

Indian, Mediterranean, Mexican

Grammatical structure of this section brought to you by Howard Zinn, who did not have a good answer to the age old question, "Conjunction Junction What's Your Function?"
Six things I could never do without
1. Family,
2. Friends (human and canine),
3. Music,
4. Books,
5. Movies, and
6. Impeccable grammar.*

*I'd never get dates without it.

What? Chicks dig grammar. Right? Anybody?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Work, women, how to make the first happy, and do the second more effectively.

Wait...reverse that.

The source and ultimate fate of life.

How to craft the perfect online dating profile, i.e. one that produces in the reader the feeling that they know and like me, without actually revealing a damn thing about myself.
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm in league with satan to destroy the family, patriarchy, and American values. If that bothers you, then GTFO.

I cannot be trusted with a jar of peanut butter.

I very infrequently compliment women on their looks, because I don't want you to feel like it's a big part of your value as a person to me. Obviously, attraction is important for dating, but there are better ways to express it than "gosh, you're pretty."
You should message me if
"You ain't no redneck woman, and/or are a high class broad."
-Gretchen Wilson (Paraphrase)

I had to look up who sang that song to attribute it correctly.

I'm trying to leverage my baking skills and sweet sweet ass to trick some poor girl into marrying me before I lose my hair. Preferably someone who'll be as excited when I take my pants off at night as my dog is when I put them on in the morning, for the 8 months at least.

I'm at your mercy, Ladies. Message away.
The two of us