32Oakland, United States
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My self-summary
Ape is our most popular model of feral boy!
less CFCs, higher electrical conductivity, and more grams of trans fat (per serving) than the leading competitor!

Problems with other (non-recyclable) brands of boy, usually stem from a low pixel ratio, or high viscosity in warm weather, BUT NOT APE!

As seen in Le Figaro Magazine, Ape has no problem folding effortlessly to fit under your couch, and easily turns worn socks into festive centerpieces for your holiday dinner table!
Never from concentrate, Ape was voted "highest replay value, in a platform shooter" by the Akron SPCA!

"louder than a mop"- Perdana Menteri

"handsome in his vest"- Apes Grandma

"one thumb down"- Richard Roeper
What I’m doing with my life
Defending peasant farmers from hungry, marauding chinchillas.

Repairing my transport module so I can return to Proxima Centauri.

Packing degrading organic matter into my body cavity, then fermenting it there, to fuel my normal human form.

playing yahtzee.

Rocking entirely too much ice in my G'd up grill.
I’m really good at
- Listening.

- Talking about my feelings.

- Changing for you.

- Crushing my enemies.

- Poisoning minds through synergy.
The first things people usually notice about me
that I'm resplendent like the noonday sun.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like used college textbooks, because I dont have to read the whole thing to be a smart ass.
I like movies with really solid closed captioning options!
I like shows about lame people, that bum people out, and I also watch Cops.
I only listen to music that nobody like me should listen to.
I like food with lots of souls in it. but I'll never eat an animal that didn't have eyelids!
Six things I could never do without
1. Black-crowned night-heron.
2. Pacific reef egret.
3. Cinnamon bittern.
4. Eastern great egret.
5. my iPhone.
6. Cattle egret.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The inverse relationship of bounces, to ounces.
On a typical Friday night I am
yelling at clouds,
setting things on just a little bit of fire, climbing onto tall things to feel safe, or drawing chickens.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't have enough socks. but I'm too confused by the thought of buying more.
You should message me if
-you want to prank call God.

-you think I look funny.

-you just think you're sooo damn cool!

-you want to buy this rearview I found, from a 1973 VW Thing.

-you talk too fast.

-you want get the leash and take me for a walk.

-you're all out of bubble gum.
The two of us