38Manchester, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
I just shaved my beard off. Clean off. The world feels cold. But apparently I look a hell of a lot younger. Did I want that? I managed to get to 34 without getting myself killed, so that should count for something.....I kind of wanna look my age, I suppose...

I can drive a tank.
I can fire a gun.
I once broke INTO Castle Colditz.

If I watch a bunch of Ray Mears and Bear Grylls, that's the apocalypse sorted, right? Bring it on, North Korea.
What I’m doing with my life
I manage a record store. So I suppose I'm kind of an obsolete format....

Obviously that means that right now I'm writing my CV and applying for jobs. If you see anything good, lemme know (but nothing in retail - I'm sick of it!)

Occasionally, I attempt to write my screenplay or paint a picture.
Often, alcohol, films and music get in the way. The painting is coming along okay at the moment.

I just paid for a new camera and I'm planning my documentary project. It. Can't. Turn. Up. Soon. Enough.....

*edit* My Canon 650D is here! And it's bloody amazing. It's not a top end DSLR but it's perfect for my needs. I'm going to be taking lessons from Britain's top blind photographer, David Brailley (sorry).
I’m really good at
I can do a mean accent. I should have joined MI6. No-one would have suspected me of being a spy. I'd like to point out that I don't do it all the time; I'm not one of THOSE wacky characters who describe themselves in profiles as 'crazy'. Because - without exception - they always aren't.

Rescuing victory from the jaws of defeat. Not so good at rescuing defeat from the jaws of victory....
The first things people usually notice about me
Well apparently most people think that I remind them of Lee Mack, though that may be down to the Olympic levels of sarcasm.

Or the fact that I'm best mates with Tim Vine. One or the other....
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Films: Let me know if you recognise any of the following directors: Wes Anderson, David Fincher, Akira Kurosawa, Alexander Payne, Sidney Lumet, Alfred Hitchcock, Robert Altman, Werner Herzog, Darren Aronofsky, Jem Cohen, Buster Keaton, The Marx Brothers .....and many, many more besides. I'm a sucker for early Steve Martin comedies, y'know - before he went shit. But hey, I can love a dumbass movie as much as the next man -provided the next man likes Superbad.

Music: Again, far too many to list and usually very, very obscure, but almost anything underground, left-field or unusual like: Underground hip hop (Sole, Sage Francis, Busdiver, Anticon Records, El-P, Cannibal Ox, Edan, Daedalus, Mike Ladd, Infesticons, Majesticons, Darc Mind, Def Jux Records, Mush, Big Dada, Blackalicious, Sixtoo, Mr Lif, Buck 65, Company Flow, Das Efx, Spank Rock ....) Post-rock and Math-rock (Apse, Mono, Colossamite, Slint, Shellac, Kong, Battles, The For Carnation, Three Trapped Tigers, Tortoise, Explosions In The Sky, Godspeed You Black Emperor, God Is An Astronaut, Uzeda, Union Of A Man And A Woman, This Will Destroy You, Mogwai, Sweep The Leg Johnny....) Independent label stuff and hardcore (Tenebrous Liar, Fugazi, Isis, Silversun Pickups, Sunn O))), Aereogramme, Trans Am, Desaparecidos, Unwound, Motorpsycho, Man Or Astroman, Thrill Jockey, Sub Pop....) Noise/Experimental (Fuck Buttons, Sleigh Bells, Crystal Castles, Hovercraft, Elders Of Zion, Wolf Eyes, Black Dice, Lightning Bolt...) Broken beat and glitch and electronica (James Holden, Boards Of Canada, Venetian Snares, Amon Tobin, Kid 606, Nathan Fake, Xela, Tim Exile, Autechre, Aphex Twin, Gescom, Datach'i, Speedy J, Warp Records, Skam, Clark, Richard Devine.....) freakout stuff (Frank Zappa, The Monks, Captain Beefheart......). Yup - record Nazi.

I need to read more books but I love: popular science stuff like - Chaos by James Gleick, Faster also by James Gleick. Classics like - The Great Gatsby, Moby Dick, Count Of Monte Christo. Lots of biographies. Most of Chuck Palahniuk's novels. And some poetry, mostly from: Jeffrey McDaniel, Byron, Buddy Wakefield, Derrick C. Brown. Most recently: A Sweet Scent Of Death by Guillermo Arriaga.

Art (if anyone cares): Abstract Expressionism, especially the paintings of Franz Kline, sculptures by David Smith, Marc Quinn, Anthony Gormley, Barbara Hepworth, Henry Moore. Gaudi's architechture. That Russian dude. Hang on.... Mikhail Vrubel. That's the guy - just found out about him and he's awesome. Makes Gustav Klimt look like a cock.
The designs of Aaron Horkey and John Dyer Baizley. And, by extension, Alphonse Mucha.

Food: Totally omniverous - I'll eat anything, though I'm such a carnivore that I find it hard to walk past a field without wanting to bite a cow. And I can cook a bit. Favourite chef: Anthony Bourdain. Never read a recipe, only ever seen him cook once but he's just brilliantly entertaining. I'm currently reading 'Cooking For Geeks' so I'll be soon be experimenting with liquid nitrogen and food mixers made of Lego. Inicidentally, I fit into the 'innovative' group of cooks, meaning I follow a recipe once and then just go off-piste. 95% of the time it seems to work but it's a steep learning curve! I seem to have the basics sorted though; everything else is gravy. Not literally, obviously - that would be horrible. There is virtually NIL food wastage in my house....I hate that. And you'll never hear me say 'I'm starving'.
Six things I could never do without
1. My arch nemesis, Anton Lawrence Ducaine. He's a wee bugger.
2. Methods of defeating my arch nemesis.
3. My sidekick, Major Warburton. He's a rock.
4. The hidden laboratory.
5. Bumbling Chief Inspector Claridge of Scotland Yard. A good chap, but sadly misguided.
6. Cheese before bedtime.....
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why do I have a bottle of Sony branded spring water in my fridge? More importantly, why does it have a best before date? It's WATER!

And... monkeyface. Best not to ask too many questions about that one.
On a typical Friday night I am
Who knows. If you find me, send me home. If you find me at home, how did you get there?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
That thing about Colditz? It's true.
You should message me if
You are a half Russian, half Japanese girl (so oriental looks but Russian accent NOT the other way around!) between 5'4" and 5'6" (so 5'5" ONLY, yeah? I said BETWEEN!), preferably an ex-gymnast with a university education. Red hair (natural, NOT from a bottle) and blue eyes (natural, NOT from an opticians).....Other than that, I'm not really fussed.

Did you work out that none of that last bit was serious? Good.

I won't ever, EVER message anyone with just a 'hi' (who does that?) If you have interesting stuff on your profile, I'll always try and talk about it. If you think I'm taking the piss then you probably haven't read the inflection in my message. Can we use italics on here? Probably not.....(insert 'wonky-face' emoticon here)

Incidentally, just a 'hi' from you won't cut the mustard either....! (insert 'winking' emoticon)
The two of us