36Tucson, United States
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My self-summary
Hi there! welcome to the part where I talk about me. Deviant, artist, living to the fullest. Life is a bonus.

I'm a writer. Advertising and film. Now that I've said that, I realize my profile really should be better written..

I've been told I'm totally hilarious. People who tell me this tend to be insightful and perceptive.

Silly, serious, deep, shallow, caring, callous. Oh also, I'm #1 at the sex, ladies.

I like baby animals. I'm an egomaniac in a really endearing and cute way.

Ok. To elucidate: I'm a contradiction of sorts: a monastic comedian, a huge personality that loves a crowd but is usually alone, and a really nice guy who acts otherwise because, honestly, most of the time it's just more effective to be a badass. I have overflowing self-confidence that's founded in nothing but my own, cyclical belief in said confidence.

Well. That should clarify things a bit.

A few other things that may or may not be interesting: "Arctodus" was the largest bear to ever walk the earth. I Went to the University of Arizona as a Theater Major. I really enjoy making people laugh, but find solitude comforting. I was in the Second City Conservatory in Chicago. Worked for Blue Man Group, Cirque Du Soleil, and The Improv. I turned 34 recently, but feel like I turned 44 and often act like im 14. I'd like to own some kind of robot-insect hybrid I could ride around and terrorize outlying colonists and Tiberium farmers.
What I’m doing with my life
I do sales training and write/produce advertising. I also make films and write comedy. I travel as much as I'm home. Once, I killed a timberwolf with my bare hands. One of these, I'm lying about.

Waiting for a large inheritance to come through from a mysterious distant relative, possibly Ukrainian. Or a lucrative plus sizes male modeling gig. Either way. *shrugs*

Occasionally, I get motivated to train for a martial arts tournament. This involves a lot of me getting my ass kicked.

I like video games, comics, dinosaurs, and possibly other things that don't make me sound like I'm eleven years old.

I'm looking for a nice young lady who likes to laugh. Artistic types are certainly a plus. Being un-conventionally pretty is a huge plus. I don't really have a "type"; I find most woman attractive in some way. In fact, you're quite pretty. Thanks for coming by and checking out my profile, good lookin'. I'm really quite flattered.

I wear all black and drive around in my blacked-out Camaro because I believe I'm a villain in a comic book being written as we speak.
I’m really good at
Nothing. Seriously. But I'm above-average good at literally everything.

Oh. I'm great at "Plinko". You know, the "Price Is Right" game? Note: I've never actually played Plinko, or anything even remotely like it. But.. it's just one of those things you know. Like belief in a higher power or that Superman is real. You just know.
The first things people usually notice about me
The tears. The never ending stream of tears and sobbing.

After that, the fact that I have two Cherubs that constantly flitter about me, barely covering my privates in suggestive ways with wisps of ribbon and sheer lace.

Also, someone tells me about once a week that I look just like someone they know, or someone's brother. I think I just look like a lot of regular dudes. These dudes are usually pretty nice and funny, from what I can gather second-hand. I'm not really happy or bothered by this. Being familiar and average in appearance probably hasn't gotten anyone laid, however. UPDATE: I've recently been upgraded to "Moderately Handsome". I was informed by a letter in the US mail. So, that's neat.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Siddhartha, Archer, Maynard James Keenan, Palahniuk, Jung, Breaking Bad, Eddie Brock, Dragon Age, Mad Men, Tricky, Frozen, Black Mirror, Victor Creed, Bane, Jung, Sagan, Last Airbender, Doctor Who, Drive, MMA, ice cream, Blizzard, Penn & Teller, Saul Williams, Boondocks, Archer, Bukowski, Y: The Last Man, Fight Club, Trent Reznor, Requiem for a Dream, Joe Rogan, Eminem, Bronson, Bioware, Final Fantasy Tactics, Mass Effect, Bill Hicks, Nine Inch Nails, Tofu Pad Thai, Louie, A Perfect Circle, Bronson, LOTR, The Dark Knight Rises, Louis CK, Gaiman, Amanda Palmer...
Six things I could never do without
Mind controlling nano-bots
Functioning Kidneys
The complete "Choose Your Own Adventure" Paperback Series
Vanilla Soy Milk
A sixth thing.
I spend a lot of time thinking about

other than that: Mixed Martial Arts, Comedy Writing and Performing, Sales Psychology, Human Emotions and their impact on life choices, the futility of worry and regret, ways to constantly better myself, and large breasted women that think I'm hilarious.

"Deviant" isn't the right word. Neither is "normal".

But mostly Hats.
On a typical Friday night I am
Doing something fun with people who like to laugh. Or watching "Adventure Time". Possibly acting like a Minotaur.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm not as cool as I think I am.

I don't actually have a neck tattoo or let a scorpion crawl on my face for fun. That was for a film.

My socks never match.

Deep down, I'm a nice guy.
You should message me if
You want to laugh and have fun with a weirdo, you should msg me!


"Should" is such a strong word. How about "I invite you to message me if you're a nice girl who likes to laugh and isn't exactly the norm. It'll be fun. I promise. We can get ice cream afterwards." Yep. Exactly how I wanted this to end: vaguely creepy and child-like. If there's one thing women like, it's a psychologically meek man-child. Take a number ladies.

Kik me! Drewgrub ... snapchat! grubwyrm

If you've read this far and found it funny, I'm fairly certain we will get along.

You're the d or the m in bdsm.
The two of us