52 Columbus, United States
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My self-summary
I'm unemployed and live with my mother.

OK, not true. But anything I write from now on has to be an improvement, right? Actually, I'm gainfully employed and have my own house, car, weed wacker, and all of my teeth (apparently, not a given on OKC).

In addition, I'm super intelligent, amazingly brave, overly generous, exceedingly sensual (or is it sensuous?), and embarrassingly modest. I do a great upward-facing dog, know how to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in Pig Latin, and can eat like a famished moose without ever gaining a pound (people tend to hate me for that).

So ladies...if you are smart, witty, fun-loving, kind, compassionate, and a little bit nutty, we would be a good match. If you're none of those but look like Heidi Klum's twin sister, we would still be a good match. (Hey, I'm a guy. Sometimes we're shallow, remember?)

Bottom line -- let's meet. For motivation, if I can't make you laugh within five minutes, I'll give you a million dollars, which is enough to get you four season tickets to OSU football.
What I’m doing with my life
Studying to become a rapper. Yo...
I’m really good at
Taking naps.
The first things people usually notice about me
How the track marks on my arm resemble a portrait of Jesus.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Book: Webster's dictionary. I use it every day.
Movie: Whatever Woody Allen made before 1990.
TV: Anything that doesn't begin with "Real Housewives of..."
Music: The lost tapes: Tupac Goes Country.
Food: Golden Corral, baby!
The six things I could never do without
My smart-ass kids, my classic Mustang, my specs (except when sleeping), and my three-year-old sneakers. Is that six? Maybe also a calculator.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Am I screwing up this dating profile big time?
On a typical Friday night I am
Playing pinochle with my Aunt Fannie and Uncle Tonoose...and whipping their wrinkly old behinds.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Only my parole officer knows the answer to that one.
You should message me if
Anything I wrote on this page put a smile on your face.