OK, not true. But anything I write from now on has to be an improvement, right? Actually, I'm gainfully employed and have my own house, car, weed wacker, and all of my teeth (apparently, not a given on OKC).
In addition, I'm super intelligent, amazingly brave, overly generous, exceedingly sensual (or is it sensuous?), and embarrassingly modest. I do a great upward-facing dog, know how to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in Pig Latin, and can eat like a famished moose without ever gaining a pound (people tend to hate me for that).
So ladies...if you are smart, witty, fun-loving, kind, compassionate, and a little bit nutty, we would be a good match. If you're none of those but look like Heidi Klum's twin sister, we would still be a good match. (Hey, I'm a guy. Sometimes we're shallow, remember?)
Bottom line -- let's meet. For motivation, if I can't make you laugh within five minutes, I'll give you a million dollars, which is enough to get you four season tickets to OSU football.
Movie: Whatever Woody Allen made before 1990.
TV: Anything that doesn't begin with "Real Housewives of..."
Music: The lost tapes: Tupac Goes Country.
Food: Golden Corral, baby!