27Hayward, United States
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My self-summary
My name's Stephen. Pronounced Steven.
I was born and raised in Hayward California, but went to high school in Dublin.
After high school in 2008 I joined the Marines.
I'll defend my beliefs strongly, but that doesn't mean I wont listen to you.
I have irrational fears of spiders and giant squids. I've actually fought a Tarantula with a shovel before. Scariest moment of my life.
I'm more sarcastic than you.
I'm a massive nerd.
I have a fairly offensive sense of humor, so if you aren't prepared for that, you have been warned.
What I’m doing with my life
I got out of the marine corps in August. I'm now a full time student, and I shoot on my free time.
I’m really good at
Being sarcastic, being redundant, turning everything into a joke, shooting guns, mountain biking, picking things up and putting them down, and making ridiculous metaphors. I like to cook, but I can't really say if I'm good at it. I try though, just pretend it's Christmas if I make you dinner. It's the thought that counts.
The first things people usually notice about me
My right nipple is always hard.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My favorite book is Unintended Consequences by John Ross. Not a lot of books really catch my attention.

I'm not a big movie buff, but I'd have to say Braveheart, Troy, Gladiator, 300, and Tristan and Isolde are my favorites.

Music? Pretty much any kind of Rock I can listen to. But I prefer Metal/Metalcore

I love red meat, and bacon. I fuckin' love bacon.
Six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-Do the Swiss issue Swiss Army Knives?

- Looking back at the Transformer movies, the Decepticons are actually the good guys.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

-Do blind people see their dreams?

-When I get depressed why do I listen to depressing music? You'd think that I would listen to something to try to cheer myself up but no, seems pretty counter productive....

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

-If you force sex on a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting?

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories.

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites and Tequila than Kay.

-The answer to life, the universe, and everything.

-The Zombie Apocalypse. Are you ready? Whats your plan?
On a typical Friday night I am
Getting ready to shoot Saturday morning.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I workout because I have a small wanker.
You should message me if
You want to.
The two of us