badwithnames
36 Brooklyn, United States
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badwithnames
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My self-summary
Who, me?

I'm not great at describing myself; I'm too close to the subject.

My obsessive need to represent myself accurately leads me to contemplate a rewrite of this profile every time I log on. Should I talk about my charm and wit, or does that sound too self-aggrandizing? Do I list my flaws, or does that make me sound sad ? Am I self-aggrandizing and sad? As far as I can tell, I'm good at keeping the conversation going, quick to say yes to a social opportunity, and a lot less invested in what other people think than I used to be.
What I’m doing with my life
Filling my calendar and then complaining about how full my calendar is. Picking up side projects. Figuring out what's next. I was a barista for four years, then worked in HR consulting for nine years, then freelanced for a year, dipped my toe into the exciting world of regular service industry employment, and am now back on the freelancing track again. Basically I have like ten part-time jobs that need me once a week at maximum. This includes doing corporate writing, recapping TV shows, being a personal assistant, a low-key retail gig, and a weekly drag show. I can't tell if I'm doing great or just, like, pre-homeless.
I’m really good at
I am one of the fastest walkers you know. I'm funny. I kick ass at Boggle. I am SO GOOD at crying at movies. My stove-top popcorn is top-notch. I'm incredible at buying ten things at a store while forgetting to pick up the one thing I actually went there for in the first place. I will happily make a god damned fool of myself at karaoke. (A karaoke bar might be the only place in the world where "god damned fool" equates to "really good.") My grammar is pretty great. I am a very good drag queen. (As a result: the amount and placement of my body hair are subject to frequent change.) I cut and dye my own hair, but I don't think I can accurately list that skill in this box. Also, while I'm great at napping during the day, I suck at falling asleep at night. So, if we get to the point where we're sleeping in the same bed: super sorry.
The first things people usually notice about me
"You look familiar" happens a lot. Probably half the people I meet are convinced that we talked at a party one time or took a class together or something. "You look like Winona Ryder" happens less frequently these days, but is still occasionally mentioned.

You will probably also notice that I am not "masc," if that's one of those things you're into. I act like a man in that I am a male-identified human who takes actions, but my definition of "masculine" isn't as boring as some people's. I have malleable levels of butch and swish depending on the day, and we can all be reasonable about that I think.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
BOOKS: Beloved by Toni Morrison, Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, The Mysteries of Harris Burdick by Chris Van Allsburg, and many more. Also, I go DEEP NERD for Harry Potter.

MOVIES: I watch movies. (I used to have a really long list in this section, but honestly who cares?)

MUSIC: I listen to music. (See above.)

TV: I binge watch TV shows. (Ditto.)

FOOD: Pretty much anything vegetarian. I'm often eating. I tend to go for six or seven smaller helpings throughout the day rather than three standard meals. I'm like an anorexic hobbit.
The six things I could never do without
My entire family loves making lists. I was always really bad at it. I'll do my best. In no particular order:

1) coffee (I love it so)
2) a computer with an internet connection (which in this day and age is like 70 things, so that's cheating but whatever)
3) hair dye (I get bored and turn myself into a cartoon character once in a while)
4) a great big box fan (even in winter, I keep it on all night because the sound helps me sleep)
5) a full-on bathroom (some of you are into camping and that's awesome, but I'd rather poop on a toilet and wash myself in a hot shower)
6) I'm looking forward to meeting #6 and deleting this account

(Also, I would obviously survive without one or more of these things, and have done so previously. But this collection gives more insight into my personality than just listing water, oxygen, and loved ones.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
EVERYTHING. Seriously, brain, shut up already! I'm trying to sleep.
On a typical Friday night I am
somewhere laughing. Potentially at something no one else thought was funny. This might mean singing stupid songs at a piano bar, watching bad reality TV at a friend's apartment, or just staying at home reading the IMDb trivia entries for every movie I've ever seen. Sometimes sitting alone in your room is just fine, OK Sally Bowles?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
What do you want to know? I don't have abs; my midsection is all squishy. (I refuse to call myself "skinny-fat" because EUGGHHH.) I play video games sometimes. OK, maybe more than sometimes since discovering Skyrim. I'm a bottom with an occasional versatile streak. My bedroom is a mess but I will go on a manic cleaning spree if I think you might be coming over, and even then it'll still only look barely acceptable. I'm terrified of farting in front of you. The list goes on.
You should message me if
you are the Criss Chros to my Liz Lemon.

I'm sure you've already figured out if you're going to message me. The pictures were probably a large part of that decision; after that, you were just checking the text for obvious red flags. (Don't be ashamed, we've all done it.)
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