i actively work to be kind. i do communicate with more efficiency and frankness than most people, but i'm also a lot more focused on collaboration, negotiation, and win-wins than most folks. i've learned to see the world in a more nuanced way than i used to, and i tend to be a public advocate for nuance, the complexity of reality, and pragmatism as a way of getting things done. i'm strategic, with heaping helpings of hope, and a sprinkle of woo.
culture is my Big Thing. mostly contemporary & modern visual art & theatre. i like music of many flavors that usually isn't & wasn't top 40. i like learning about music & movies from people more focused on those things. i love talking books, but i don't judge those who prefer different paths to learning. i like exploring; i go camping a few times a year. i'm not sporty, but would love to get into cross-country skiing, kayaking or canoeing. i've begun focusing on comedy; it's a big part of my surreal art. http://AFHI.us/HappilyTV
close friends 'seem pretty straight but may have a wacky streak,' or are 'kinda wacky but Very stable at this point.' They don't talk much about: conspiracy theories, evangelical diet/exercise, complaints about minor day to day annoyances. i date men Not Currently steeped in anger or sorrow. i make a conscious choice to be optimistic. i'm not very patient with those who spend most of their time being negative. yes, lots and lots of things suck, and it's important to figure that out and notice so we can change it, but we're not going to fix everything in our lifetime, and anger is a bad drug. i'm extremely liberal, and date people ranging from Very-Liberal to mostly moderate. not conservative or libertarian. 'radical left' can be difficult - it's possible with someone who doesn't proselytize to me or constantly Demonize people.
often quirky, Always fairly slender men (runner/tennis build, not football/stocky). never w/permanent facial hair. ie: leonard cohen, barack obama, anderson cooper, lance armstrong, david bowie.
someone who makes me think. shares rich conversations And silent times. is empathetic, Supportive, & Giving. talks to women the same way he talks to male Peers (& it's not like a professor lecturing). is Ready for a real relationship, & makes time for one.
a lot of folks want someone to play with, be entertained by, who's usually "light & sexy." i like to play - but most of my time & energy isn't spent playing. i offer affection, support, interesting experiences and talks, and eventually hopefully love, all of which i also want to receive. i want companionship, which is deeper, and more mutual than mere entertainment or play.
i have a kid, but he's a grown-up. i'd prefer not to date someone with kids younger than teens, or wanting new ones.
ginger beer, hard cider, liquers, malbec, bourbon
it's a wonderful life, defending your life, i <3 huckabees
WERS, WUMB, music from around the world
the little prince, sinclair lewis, edith wharton
andy warhol, louise bourgeois, surrealism
online dating can be tough all over. to get more/better responses why not try: a) a message that refers to something in her profile, and isn't mostly physical compliment, b) not sending a big copy-paste about yourself as intro. form letters are not romantic (and are fairly obvious) - put it in your profile; c) don't write to women who clearly state they are looking for someone Radically different from you. that's dumping, not fishing. d) start a conversation. 'hi' or 'how are you' aren't motivating.
if you're the opposite of what i seek (as opposed to, outside the edges), why waste our time? win win's are the best.
Opposites include: current/recent military/police; Stocky/ heavy build/ football player body structure, permanent facial hair; no cultural interests; >1.5 hours' drive from boston; <39; anti vaxxer, food obsessive; lifestyle S/M; children <13; conservative or libertarian
i'm not using this site for friendship-building. i also don't do instant chat.
Monogamy & Me:
I'm looking for a primary partnership with one man, who is looking for the same. non-monogamy is not in any way incompatible with close, primary partnership relationships including marriage. Having an occasional date with someone who's not on a 'relationship ladder' path to primary partnership is not a disqualifier. Being married, or poly with a primary, is, as is being 'heavily into poly' and someone who will be constantly trolling for new relationships.