30London, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
Tattooed, nerdy guy seeks daft, audacious girl to exchange jokes and made-up stories with over cocktails and Korean food. Prefers quieter places to louder ones. Lover of absurdity and cynicism. I try to balance optimism and scepticism. Powered by sarcasm and coffee. Walks around London are the best.
What I’m doing with my life
Writing really long dating profiles apparently.

But apart from that I'm a tech blogger who writes posts for a software company. We do all kinds of software but I specialise in ecommerce, so I help people make awesome online shops. I've a mix of good writing skills and good coding skills. I help our client's tech nerds understand the software, write better code and make beautiful, easy-to-use websites. In other words, I find out how stuff works and then write about it.

Before that, I studied philosophy and ethics at university but it turns out there aren't a lot of jobs for philosophers these days. I don't know what I'm going to do with all these togas. I can, however, go on for hours about why robots might be persons or why it's not immoral to engage in consensual cannibalism.

I like to cycle and take pictures, watch movies and the latest big drama out of the States. I also really enjoy computer and board games. Ideal first date is cocktails, good food and then hitting up an arcade for some air hockey and House of the Dead, or meeting up for brunch and wandering around London talking shit and making up stories about the people we pass.

I'd like to see more of the world, hopefully you do too. I don't take myself too seriously, and neither should you.
I’m really good at
- Making snarky comments about PMQs on Twitter
- Dodging traffic on my bike
- Finding grammatical errors and restructuring sentences
- Baking jaffa cakes
- Demolishing said jaffa cakes
- Saying the alphabet backwards (pro tip: if you practice while sober then you can use it to pass sobriety tests when you're drunk)
- Running with scissors ("stab-wound free since '93!")
- Making references to memes, and TV show, movie and game tropes
- Not playing by the rules
- Getting results, damnit
The first things people usually notice about me
That I said I know how to bake jaffa cakes.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: sci-fi short stories from the 40s, 50s and 60s. Asimov, Harrison, Clarke, Heinlein, et al. Read a lot of philosophy and ethics during my uni days.

Movies: sometimes there's nothing better than sitting on the couch with someone and watching a stupid action movie. If you like the idea of occasionally just grabbing some popcorn and watching Die Hard or The Matrix then I think we'll get along just fine.

TV: there's a lot I like. To list a few: Community, How I Met Your Mother, Firefly, Boston Legal, Archer, Veep, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, American Dad, Family Guy, Battlestar Galactica, True Detective, Dollhouse, Justified, The Good Wife, The West Wing, 30 Rock. If it's well written, well acted, and makes you laugh or think then I probably watch it. SORRY, I still haven't seen The Wire or ... Game of Thrones.

Music: all things, really. I tend to find tracks I like rather than bands. However, some favourites include Ludovico Einaudi, Idlewild, Prodigy, White Sea, Cults, Slash, Walk The Moon, very early Fleetwood Mac (blues), Led Zeppelin, Biffy Clyro, Black Keys. Very happy to listen to random house / electronica / synth pop if you have it. I like finding out what makes a band special to someone. I like to have music on all the time, even if it's just in the background, and noise-cancelling headphones on at work.

As for food, 'omnivorous' is the best way to describe my tastes. There are few foods I don't enjoy and it's pretty much mandatory that you like steak, ribs, and cocktails. I know the best burger places in London. If you can make baked eggs and brew good coffee for breakfast then I'm yours. I'll wash the dishes.
Six things I could never do without
My bike. I don't miss commuting on the Tube at all. Well, except for all the reading I did. But really, it takes 35 minutes to cycle from home to work. What's not to love about that?

My computer/internet. Let's face it: we all love the internet, it's probably the single best invention in existence and keeps me in a job. Y'know, if you except things like fire, indoor plumbing, and door handles that you can't get the belt hoops of your jeans caught on.

A duvet, when it's 8am and raining outside.




My infallible ability to count.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What percentage of the internet is just porn and cat gifs? Seriously.

Why killer whales didn't call themselves 'sea pandas' instead. Branding fail.


Whether answering all of these sections entirely in rhyming /
Couplets would make me seem pretentious or smart /
I suppose then that it's all down to my good timing /
Watch as I turn profile writing into an art.

Wait. They're not rhyming couplets. Damnit. Will fix this later.

Oh and politics.
On a typical Friday night I am
At the moment I'm kinda at a loss because, unfortunately, the police have said I'm no longer allowed to spend my Friday evenings fighting crime.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I masterminded the whole thing. It was me all along.
You should message me if
We're 100% enemies (having a nemesis would be awesome).

You like water. I'm 60% water so you already like 60% of me. That's pretty good right?

You'll laugh at my dumb jokes and try your hardest to make me laugh with yours.

You're a dreamer, optimist, and idealist. You see the best in things. You find it hard to hold grudges. You meow at cats.

You're looking for something that could become serious / long-term.

You reckon we could go a day communicating entirely with memes and reaction gifs.

Preferably, you're interested or curious in kink and D/s stuff.

You're Oxford Dictionary in the streets, Urban Dictionary in the sheets.
The two of us