Sorry for the length of my profile, It's a whale, but I'm worth it :-)
Welcome to my best and worse, part time job ever. I guess what I'm looking for here is the chance to meet people, and hopefully making friends, with the really remote chance of something more. I have met some great people here on OKC, which I can call real friends, including my best friend, so I'm very happy for that. Ultimately, I would love to find my romantic best friend, the one for the rest of my journey.
I find online dating, as I imagine most of us do, often an exacerbating experience. But it really is just like any other challenge in our lives; if you think it works, or if you think it doesn't work, well, you are right.
One thing about my personality traits, when I first answered these questions, it was nearly 5 years ago, separated and filed for divorce. I have grown exponentially since then, been thru some very tough times and found strength I did not think I had. The difficult times gives us all wonderful lessons to learn, only if we keep our hearts and minds open to the experience. I know how far I have come, and where I want to go.
I'm a lot more independent than I was back then, and regardless in my interest in intimacy, the head that sits on top of my shoulders makes all of the decisions. I insist on friendship first, building a connection, holding hands, exploring the city or going for a hike. For me, the other way just doesn't work. We are all here on a journey of self discovery, learning what works for us and about life. Sex is not something that happens because we are on our 3rd date.This doesn't mean I don't like physical affection, I completely love it. I think of it as emotional foreplay. I have felt closer to some women holding their hand, or certainly kissing, than having sex with another. If you have a schedule in your head, you better throw it out, or find someone else.
I would prefer a slightly dominant woman to my slightly submissive me. That doesn't mean a bully, there is a big difference.
I tend to be shy at first, especially if I find you attractive. Just because I don't push you against a wall, and kiss you hard, by the third date doesn't mean I'm not passionate, I definitely have that in me, and more, but I need to know we really like each other, and we are comfortable with each other. If you need an aggressive guy, that is take charge (whatever that means) right from the beginning, or if you date the bad boy type, I am probably not for you. So here are the cliff notes on this subject,
I want to go SLOW :-)
Lastly, and most importantly, the woman I want to meet has had the courage to have said I love you in her past relationship experiences. You have had to have said it, meant it, felt it. I can be friends with anyone, the bar is much lower. This point is super important. You would be surprised by the amount of women that have never taken that chance, been that vulnerable, been that courageous. Of all the reckless things I have done in my youth, none of that can compare to the emotional risk of telling another, I love you. Being in love takes real courage. I have felt it three different times in my life, the second and third time it wasn't mutual. As painful as that was, I do feel truly lucky to have met them, and felt that love, it was a great opportunity that I did not squander, absolutely no regrets.
If I messaged you, I probably spent a long time pouring over your profile, personality traits, and answers, all in the effort to find reasons why I wouldn't match with you, or vice versa. I might read profiles for 3 hours and only contact 3 women. Regardless if you reply or not, not one second of my time was wasted. For that special person for me, she is definitely worth every second spent looking for her. Again, I am very grateful for your time reading this. It is really the most valuable thing we have. I wish all of us the best of luck with our own searches, and our own journeys.
Although I have many interests, but physical activities are elementary to my existence. I have no problem putting in a full day working physically, then after work, going for a 1 or 2 hour hike, or mountain biking, and next day, do it again. Presently, I'm looking for a activities partner(s) who might want to try rocking climbing, and/or surfing, mountain biking, or just a hike. Please read, you don't have to be super active, but should want and like to be active. As a life-long wallflower, I would love to learn how to dance. It has been a few years since I have climbed outdoors and I have only gone surfing maybe 10 times, so I'm no expert. So if you have some interest, and have a day, I'm willing to share what I know, and equipment, to give you a feel for either sport. Who knows, you might really enjoy it.
My friends describe me as; warm, kind, genuine, honest (to a fault), love to smile, willing to help anyone, often silly as a school boy. I hope I can live up to those adjectives.
I asked my best friend to describe my personality, he said, "you are definitely not vanilla, that's for sure, more like rocky road, an acquired taste". Please take notice of my personality traits, we should have some matches, otherwise, time spent with me might feel like getting a root canal. That's fine, I'm not like most men, and you wont be like most women. Either way, good luck, and enjoy your journey.
PS: My kids are 11 and 16 now. I only see them for a meal on weekends (not my choice, they are over scheduled, plus the ex doesn't make it easy either) Probably the hardest thing I have had to face is my new role as divorced father, not pleasant, but maybe another door will open, maybe romantic, maybe work, who knows?
trying to make each day better
Emotional intimacy (believe it or not, more important than sex)
The chance to watch the stars at night
more to come
Actually, there is something else I try to focus on; I ask myself each day, if I'm trying my best?, what can I do to be a better father?, what do I have to do to be a better person?
I am always telling my friends, tic toc, tic toc, time waits for no one.
If you have had enough experience in life to honestly assess the person you are, and the person you are working on being. Someone who is grateful for the person you are on the inside, and have forgiven yourself for failures, and the ability to love your whole package; the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.
Also, you will need to find space in your heart for at least one more person.