It’s alright—I’ve heard that enough times that it doesn’t even register anymore. Although I DO wish that, just for once, a woman would like to get to know ME, the real me, because I do have a lot to offer. To have her just talk to me, and listen as well, because there is an incredible person under all of this.
But, I guess there are worse things than being a sex slave, so go ahead and email me and ask me out. Who knows? If I like you enough I may do it more than once.
Smart people to hang around with
After work I go back to the Lady of Perpetual Motion Mission to serve on the dinner line before picking up my evening attire at the dry cleaner’s on my way to my lecture series on Alluvial Effects on the Sociopathic Characteristics of Hominids in the Duodenal Region of Belgium During the Later Cenozoic Period, whereupon I shed my garb for something more appropriate, grab some trail mix, and go camping after a 2-hour spelunk in the caves behind my abode.
And for the weekend I return again to the Lady of Perpetual Motion Mission for the weekend singalongs and the “Iron John” seminars before catching the Lear to Aspen to pound drifts for the day, then it’s off to the local scout troop to teach knot-tying, pole-vaulting, and lock-picking before accepting my Sunday assignment from the CIA.
A woman who doesn’t have to say stupid, belligerent things like, “if you think you can handle me”, but wants to get to know me as a person, as a human being, as a man, and is willing to let me get to know her on equal terms.
A woman with depth—who can crack a joke about current events, reference historical facts, expound on a theory, and lament the suffering of people in poverty, all in the space of 5 minutes.
A woman who has a grasp of basic grammar and spelling, and doesn’t answer everything with lol.
A woman who pays attention to my moods, who knows that sometimes guys get emotional, too, and when to be that calm, welcoming center of my world and when I just need someone to emotionally bitch-slap me and remind me that I was born with a set of balls.
A woman who knows her own way around the bedroom, who doesn’t require being “made love to” every time, and when she needs to be handled indelicately will do the same to me in return.
A woman who can listen to me, not with an ear to figuring out how to change me into something that she prefers, but because she genuinely cares about what I have to say and likes to hear my point of view.
Adventurous but realistic, fun-loving but serious, emotional but not delicate, sexy, brainy, teasing, fun, supportive, caring, artistic, and about a billion other things.
And if you are all of those things and also have long, curly hair, so much the better.