I take way too many pictures of my dog (the Instagram feed linked to my profile is, in fact, my dog's Instagram. His handle is @Chester_Terrier if you want to follow his adventures).
These days, I work as an animal care specialist at the only no-kill rabbit shelter in Illinois (we also have cats). It's not glamorous. It's not lucrative. But I get to spend my days helping animals that nobody else will help, which is pretty awesome. And it's the opposite of soul-crushing.
I'm also a professional dog trainer. Eventually, I want to work with dogs in shelters/rescues with behavioral problems in order to make them more adoptable. I'm also certified in canine first aid and CPR; I think it's pretty cool.
My limited free time is spent just trying to enjoy the moment. Sometimes (ok, maybe more than sometimes) that just means a long walk or frisbee/fetch session with my dog. But it could also mean karaoke (live-band or regular), discovering new beers and/or breweries (bonus if they're dog-friendly), watching roller derby, blogging (I have a blog about dogs and beer; it's called Pints and Pups. Feel free to check it out), cooking, catching up on my DVR ... you get the idea.
- Live-band karaoke. Seriously. I can rock a cover of "Back in the USSR" like you wouldn't believe.
- Officiating weddings. I'm an ordained rabbi and can thus officiate weddings, funerals, bar/bat mitzvahs, etc. Weddings are my specialty. Though my ceremonies are quick, they're always a perfect mix of gut-busting laughs and sentimentality. And yes, I can provide references to back up my claims. I have even used the wisdom of Dan Savage in a ceremony.
- Editing/grammar. I dare you to try and sneak an Oxford comma past me. And I'll judge you if you misuse a semicolon.
My veins? I was once told I have nice veins. Nothing was said about my arteries. But phlebotomists love me.
My resting bitch face, or whatever it's called when a guy has it.
Books: To Kill a Mockingbird, McElligott's Pool, Mr. Popper's Penguins, Operation SOLO: the FBI's Man in the Kremlin, AP Stylebook, the Torah, All the President's Men, The Jungle, Tao Te Ching, Tibetan Book of the Dead, Ramayana, Bhagavad Gita
Movies: To Kill a Mockingbird, Gladiator, Life Is Beautiful, The Rocketeer, The Simpsons Movie, Con Air, Being John Malkovich, The Muppet Movie, Muppet Treasure Island, Muppets From Space, The Muppets, Sharknado 1-4
TV shows: The Simpsons, The IT Crowd, Mr. Robot, Last Week Tonight, Baskets, BrainDead, Law and Order: SVU, NCIS, The Muppet Show, The Rachel Maddow Show, American Horror Story
Food: Chicago-style pizza, Chicago-style hotdogs, carne asada, sushi, chicken parmesan, eggs, corned beef hash, cereal, tiramisu, cannoli, anything my mom cooks
Bonus category - podcasts: Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me, Savage LoveCast, StarTalk Radio, Sawbones, Stuff You Should Know, Stuff You Missed in History Class
Bonus category 2 - theater: Noises Off, The Producers, Spamalot, The Book of Mormon, Avenue Q, To Kill a Mockingbird (detecting a theme yet?), Much Ado About Nothing, Antigone. Also, Andrew Lloyd Weber needs to die in a fire. He's a no-talent hack.
2. Google Calendar.
3. Coffee in the morning. And again in the evening. And at several points between the two.
4. Dogs that are not mine.
5. Nerdy podcasts.
6. My oft-present pack of various dog treats. Never know when you might need to do some on the fly dog training.
7. A pocket full of pens (at least four at all times).
Yes, that's seven. I'm not a fan of rules.
I also spend a lot of time thinking about how I really have no desire to actually write a book.
I might be found eating delicious food, drinking delicious beer/spirits, hanging with fantastic people, hanging by myself, hanging with my awesome dog, going to see live music or any combination thereof.
No matter where I spend my Friday, I will be found telling a saucy tale and/or making a little stir.
I want to buy an island off the coast of Alaska, build a house on it and live there. I'll have about 10 dogs and a personal assistant to hunt moose and other wild game for me (and the dogs) to eat.
I'll have a float plane for traveling. I'll spend my days training my dogs for Frisbee competitions and fishing for salmon, cod and other delicious Alaskan seafood.
I'll also probably grow vegetables and brew beer.
- You love good beer.
- You're GGG.
- You (and your dog, if you have one) want to join me and my pup on a stroll.
- You believe force-free positive reinforcement is the most effective philosophy of dog training and/or you are familiar with the methods and philosophies of folks like Victoria Stilwell and Patricia McConnell.
- You're cool with beards on guys. I don't always have one, but I like the option.
- You love and use proper grammar. Please know the differences between your/you're, their/there/they're and too/to/two and understand that apostrophes are not to be used to indicate plurals. Also, messages that simply say "your cute" will be laughed at and deleted.
- You're pierced and/or tattooed. Definitely not a requirement, but I do enjoy them.
Please do not message me if you don't know what language is spoken in England. I never thought I would have to make that a caveat. If you want to know why I had to make that a caveat, just ask.
Also, please do not message me if you believe in the near-abusive form of dog training championed by Cesar Millan and his ilk.