1. I'm an excellent marksman.
2. Basically, I'm the smartest person you'll ever meet. I enjoy solving differential equations in my head, improvising symmetrical four-part fugues on the Baroque lute, and have memorized the better portion of the Encyclopedia Britannica. But you know, I don't try to like brag about my intelligence or whatever.
3. I'm worshipped as a God in a village somewhere in Sudan. I think I sent them a box of sweaters. Or maybe it was Oreos.
4. Wherever I go, a giggling swarm of gorgeous women tends to follow me.
5. I don't own a car and don't know how to drive. I teleport everywhere. One of the above statements is not true.
Naw, I'm just messing with you guys! I'm not a marksman.
P.S. Oh, and I'm well endowed. Not enormous. Just, nice.
P.P.S. You'll have to forgive me if I'm very forward. No, seriously. If you don't, we won't get along. Also, you'll need a sense of humor, and be well trained to use it.
It's not as easy as it sounds.
4. The fact that you can like both girls and math and still get laid nowadays. Thank you, Zooey Deschanel, for making nerds cool. Even if no one believes you're actually a nerd.
5. The cheap chinese food abundant in certain neighborhoods of San Francisco, without which I probably would have starved to death by now.
1. Have a sense of humor.
2. Don't take yourself (or other people, especially me) too seriously.
3. When you look in the mirror, you see a beautiful woman looking back at you-- whether she's thin, big, wide, small, black, white, brown, or purple. (But not blue. I despise blue people.)
4. Love chocolate. And life. Not necessarily in that order.