Fine. I've never lost my keys. I'm joking somewhere around 80% of the time, but I'd like to meet someone willing to get serious. I'm trying to prove that dry wit and sincerity are not mutually exclusive. Yes, I have to prove I have a dry wit first. Stop it.
Oh, and when I once asked a date how I was different from my profile, she paused and said, "I thought you'd be ... meaner."
I'm an ad creative at a small agency. I'll spare you a Mad Men joke.
Those are my skills? The hell have I been doing?
Want me to grow a beard? Give me six months. I'll get back to you.
Shows: I watch a lot of sports, but I've been known to enjoy watching Stacy and Clinton have a laugh about how much better looking they are than the poor woman they brought on their show. I like when they go into her closet and theatrically trash everything. Like you'd waste that many good hangers.
Music: I ostensibly bought the Jersey Boys soundtrack for my parents, but we all know who got the most mileage out of that thing.
2. Pio Pio -- It's basically Peruvian crack. Actually Peruvian crack is probably actual crack. Their chicken is awesome, is what I'm saying.
3. Gummi Bears -- there's a point where you start bringing gummi bears into the cab on the way to the bar that you realize you may have a problem. By "you" I mean "I."
4. My Jay Sean Pandora station that also plays Breaking Benjamin, Killswitch Engage, etc. -- which you know I've been working on for years because no one has started a Jay Sean Pandora station since 2010.
5. Turkey, yogurt, eggs, cauliflower, baby carrots -- Let's just say it's not the most creative weeknight menu at the Blanquito Mansion.
6. My New York Mets pajama pants -- but we're not really there yet, are we?
Also a lifelong Mets and Knicks fan -- proof of my dedication to long-term relationships under the most trying of circumstances.
...you want to find a karaoke bar that has "Despacito."
...you need a freelance goalkeeper.
...you enjoy sports, fitness, food, writing, people watching, banter, cocktails, or any combination thereof.
...you've never looked at a guy and said, "those jeans aren't skinny enough."
...you don't wait to text back. It's cool, I did it too.
..you just want to talk Game of Thrones. I will have NSA GoT conversations with anyone.