I'm respectful, intelligent, clean, and I won't bother any of your shit. If I run into your shit, I'm just like "Oh fuck, I'd better back off of this shit because it isn't mine."
I'll even write you a story. That's right! I'll wow you with whimsical wordplay while wittingly wrapping well-wishers with warmly written wiles. Or real ones. I'll get in there and massage your left temporal superior region. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.
If you want a next-generation guy-friend who consistently blows your doors off with concentrated awesome then hit me up!