There was this one time several years ago when seemingly random events coalesced into a perfect storm, if your idea of a perfect storm is having to catch a loose chicken.
Despite humans theoretically being the smartest animals on earth, catching a chicken who hasn't even mastered the art of long, drawn-out storytelling is harder than you might think. The Rocky III method of just running after a chicken taught me that I clearly do *not* have the eye of the tiger. The zen method of becoming a chicken who cah cahcah cahcah cahcawws, cha cheecha cheecha cheechaws, coocoocachaws, and a-coodle-oodle-oodle-oos around is also not particularly effective when you look distinctly, and suspiciously, non-avian.
Surprisingly, the ACME-style bird trap of a pile of seeds under a box propped up on a stick with a string attached that you pull when the chicken goes for the grub? The contraption that *never* worked for Wile E. Coyote? *That* actually worked.
And what, you might ask, does this story have to do with a self-summary? Well, apparently if one day you and I end up prowling the badlands of a post-apocalyptic wasteland together, most of my survival tactics will, for better or worse, come from MacGyver, WB cartoons, and Mythbusters. So, y'know, probably worse.
Here's my self-summary as it relates to pickup lines:
Omelette du fromage.
As far as what I do for a living, I'm sort of a graphic designer. Not the kind that works at an ad agency such as Sterling Cooper, the, um, other kind. For fun I'll goof around with writing, photography, and videography/filmmaking, but I don't do any of them as much as I should or as well as I'd like. I've also recently bought Rocksmith in a callous attempt at learning how to play the guitar.
Chewing gum, for example. The last time I chewed gum was several years ago in Vienna when I was walking down the street and accidentally bit the inside of my cheek so hard it sounded like i was eating steak. You'd think "chewing" would be something every animal and bug on earth would be good at, but that last day I ever chewed gum would argue otherwise.
2. That in a conversation with me they have plenty of occasions to interrupt with an "at band camp" because I tend to start stories with "there was this one time" all the time.
3. That, if you're that elderly lady in Oaxaca who once asked me directions 'cuz you saw me from the back and didn't realize I wasn't a local, I didn't know the difference between "cuadras" and "cuartos." Unfortunately for her, I also didn't know the difference between "derecho" and "derecha," which can have a huge impact when it comes to directions.
I dig reading but I don't have a favorite book, so instead I'll give the following breakdown:
* Books that got me into science fiction: Gateway, The Forever War, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Foundation, Dune, and Ringworld
* Books that got me into novels: The Grapes of Wrath, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Of Mice and Men, and To Kill a Mockingbird
* Books I loved the most from elementary school: The Phantom Tollbooth, A Wrinkle in Time, and Charlie Brown's Big Book of Questions and Answers
* My favorite books recommended to me by friends and travelers: Factotum, Lolita, Pride and Prejudice (I still think Darcy was an ass), and Breakfast of Champions
* The book I don't really care for even though most of my friends really like it: The Great Gatsby
I *love* film. Making me choose a favorite would be like when that asshole made Sophie choose, except in my case it would be a tad less traumatic. Rather than pick a flick, I'll list a few directors I dig in no particular order: Edgar Wright, Scorsese, The Coen Brothers, Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez (specifically to listen to his commentaries), Kevin Smith, Spielberg, Stacy Peralta, Altman, Whedon, Eastwood, Jeunet, Sergio Leone, and really, a ton of others.
I'm one of those people who think TV has entered somewhat of a golden age and is better than it's ever been. I could list all the shows that I've loved, but it might be easier to stick with shows that are currently still in production such as Rick and Morty, Sherlock, Broad City, Doctor Who, The Daily Show, Last Week Tonight, Arrested Development, Daredevil, Bob's Burgers, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Stranger Things, Master of None, The Grand Tour, America's Test Kitchen, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
The genres I tend to listen to the most are punk, classical, and americana, but you'd be hard pressed to find music I straight-up hate (I mean of all things I even own a Kelly Clarkson cd). Because I almost never listen to the radio, nowadays I tend to pick up on new bands and whatnot by listening to NPR's All Songs Considered podcast.
What can i say — I love food. When I lived in the Czech Republic I'd have to leave the country every so often to renew my tourist stamp and every other time I'd jump on a bus to Paris just to eat. To be honest, almost every trip I've taken had some sort of gastronomical ulterior motive. Austin? BBQ. Toronto? Poutine. Oaxaca? Mole (the sauce, not the animal). Glasgow? Haggis and the elusive deep-fried Mars bar. Linz? Linzer Torte. Merida? Chilaquiles. Santa Barbara? La Super-Rica. Paris? Freaking everything.
Radio and/or Podcasts:
I realize that this isn't a category okcupid asked for, but while I don't listen to the radio other than to catch some occasional NPR, I do listen to podcasts such as This American Life, Smodcast, Tell 'Em Steve Dave, Serial, Radiolab, Harmontown, Still Untitled, and The Jeff Rubin Jeff Rubin Show.
1. I remember as a kid watching an episode of some hospital tv show in which the doctor told his patient, "no more cheese!" to which the patient complained, "i'll die without cheese!" and the doctor firmly replied, "you'll die *with* cheese!". . . let's just say i could kind of relate to the patient and that my nephew, who hates cheese, is insane.
2. I love film and tv shows. I read books on it, I fuck around trying to write little shorts (in fact, I was having trouble writing one just now so I switched over to tweak this profile), and I'm one of those people who will buy a dvd if I hear it has good commentary.
3. The sweet, sweet feeling of jamming a q-tip into the forbidden inner recesses of my ear.
4. Y'know how when you catch a cold and blow your nose constantly with regular kleenex, your nose and upper lip get all sore and raw? One day I bought some kleenex with aloe lotion in it and that stuff is *amazing*.
5. My red Swingline stapler. I've tried a Boston stapler and Milton from Office Space is right, they bind up. I also agreed with him when he said that the ratio of people to cake was too big.
6. Have you ever worn Smartwool socks? As Joe Esposito crooned in "The Karate Kid", "Smartwool socks are the best, around, and nothing's ever gonna take them down." At least I think that's what he was singing about — i haven't seen that flick in a while.
There was also this one time in high school biology when I fell asleep and woke up to the teacher ending the lesson with, "…and, evolutionarily speaking, that's why we get hangnails." Ever since then I've always wondered why, evolutionarily speaking, we get hangnails (google hasn't helped me out there).
Because I goof around with photography and videography, I also spend time either thinking about how to effectively light something I'm looking at in real life, or how photos/movies/tv shows have been lit and/or edited.