33Chicago, United States
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My self-summary
I'm looking for someone around my age with a great sense of humor to join me for all the things that look silly when you're by yourself... like mini-golf. Seriously, have you ever seen someone alone at a mini-golf course? It's depressing.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm torn between my desire to advance my career and do interesting things with my life, and my love of the snooze button.

Not-so-recently (the day of the Great Chicago Blizzard) moved to Wicker Park for work. Loving both the job and the area.
I’m really good at
-sitting on a pontoon with/without corona
-driving long distances without stopping
-sleeping through alarms
-fixing things with duct tape
-pretending I'm good at things
The first things people usually notice about me
No idea. I have been told I look like a couple celebrities, but I really don't see it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I realized I don't read this section on others' profiles, so it's getting the cut on mine. I'll just say I'm a media nerd, and all my favorites wouldn't fit.

As for food, love it. I'll try anything once, probably twice. However, I take into account the difficulty of preparing and/or eating a food when I rank my fondness of it. Lobster tastes wonderful, but gets around a 3/10 for all the work to get to the meat; walnuts, zero.

Other: XKCD
Six things I could never do without
The Chistmas Pterodactyl (Community)
short term memory
I spend a lot of time thinking about
...hypocrisy, and what would happen if we weren't hypocrites. I.e., celebrating Columbus Day by walking into other people's houses and declaring them my own.

...the duck I saw perched in a tree when I was little. every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains which could have become a delicious beer but didn't.

On a typical Friday night I am
Usually taking it easy and hydrating so I'm ready to go for soccer in the morning. Or possibly pretending that drinking a water with every beer will leave me equally hydrated.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I know two facts about ducks, and one of them isn't true.

Some say I'm not machine washable, and all my potted plants are named Steve.

I keep a bottle of maple syrup in my center console. The good kind. Vermont. You never know when some serious shit is gonna go down.

One day, I hope to have kids. And once they've got a few years under their belts, I'm going to start hiding babies all over the house. That way, when they come to me and ask, "Where do babies come from?" I can enthusiastically respond, "Where DON'T they come from?!?" and just start pulling babies out from the cupboards, under the couch, etc.
You should message me if
You're interested / interesting.
You're a Fiona Apple looking for a Zach Galifianakis to play in your video.
You enjoy waxing philosophical.
You want to try out a new board game.
You've been edumacated.
You don't take the Bible literally.
You dislike squirrels.
You require 'original' messages yet have nothing original or comment worthy in your profile.
You understand sarcasm.
You don't have a mustache - real or drawn on a finger.

Or if you just want to play on a coed indoor soccer team. Definitely message me if that's true.
The two of us