52 Mesa, United States
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My self-summary
[ A Self-Plagerized & Blatant Rip-Off of My Original Onion Personals Ad ]

The celebrity I resemble most; Kevin Costner x Jeff Bridges - 20 years ÷ Edward Norton (with a dash of Sean Penn). End result? Brian Posehn's younger brother. My birth certificate says I'm 52 but I think there was some sorta mix-up.

My personal motto;
Dyslexics of the world... UNTIE!!!

Body art;
Yes, my submariners insignia.

Favorite item of clothing;
My autographed, limited edition Hugh Hefner banana hammock.
Just kidding... Actually, it's a 25 year old t-shirt (still fits).

Some strange but true facts about me;
I was born in Spain.
I have a patent.
I was a bartender in London.
I was at the first Burning Man.
I lived underwater for about a year.
I've saved 13 people's lives. (lucky eh')

Take my "Don't Call It Frisco" quiz.
What I’m doing with my life
I moved from San Francisco to Mesa to take care of an aging parent. I'm a retired sailor and currently watching a lot of old movies and trying to keep my garden alive in this heat.
I’m really good at
and knots.
The first things people usually notice about me
My curly red hair and green eyes or my amazingly perky boobs.

No... wait, that's you.

Honestly... I have no idea. Perhaps you could tell me .

By the way, you don't have to be a green eyed red-head. I like women of all shapes/colors/styles. Red, blonde, brown, black, purple,... it's all good.

I like nerdy, punky girlz with glasses and tattoos. I like nature girls with long, flowing hair down to there. I even like normal girls ;^)

As long as you're attractive in one way or another, even if (or especially if) it's an intangible quality. Traits I find particularly beguiling include intelligence, a sense of humor and an overwhelming desire to beat Donald Trump senseless with a pair of flip-flops.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
a. Crossword puzzles, Vonnegut, Asimov, Heinlein, Kerouac, Steinbeck, biographies, history, cold-war espionage thrillers.
b. I have about 1,200 movies in my collection.
c. Shows I heart (ie; have every episode of) include; Northern Exposure, The Sopranos, Deadwood, Rome, Boardwalk Empire, Carnivale, the X-Files, Twin Peaks, Monty Python, the Venture Bros., Dr. Katz, Family Guy, Futurama, the Simpsons The Colbert Report QI and boat loads of other stuff. (About 3TB worth!)
c+. A few websites I frequent; Red State Update, Radio Clambake, the Onion, Cracked.
d. * too many to list but includes Rock, Jazz, Punk, Funk, Soul, Roots, Ska, Blue Grass, Honky Tonk... Don't much care for top 40 Pop, top 40 Country or top 40 Opera.
e. I like to cook. Some of my favorite recipes include Scones, Gazpacho, Italian Sushi, Shepherd's Pie and Coffee Chocolate Chip Cookies.
e+. I grow my own veggies and make my own beer and Limoncello.
The six things I could never do without
Sex, Good Music, Good Food, Good Drink, Humor and Sex.

Six things on my Bucket List;
1. Be born in Spain. ✓ Check, done that.
2. Live under water for a year. ✓ Check, done that.
3. Bartend in London for a year. ✓ Check, done that.
4. Get a patent for a life saving device. ✓ Check, done that.t.
5. Swim the entire length of the Roe River.
6. Climb the highest mountain in Holland.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
String Theory.
Snappy come-backs.
Why women rarely make the first move. (Go ahead, don't be shy :^)
On a typical Friday night I am
I am currently working 7 days a week (if not more). But I can always make time for you!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I <3 Shibari.
You should message me if
... you want to meet a genuine, funny (but not goofy), intelligent (but not dorky), blue collar multi-thousandaire.