Welcome to the digital lobby of my "inner sanctum" . . . .
Allow myself to introduce . . . .myself (clears throat, straightens imaginary tie):
I believe that Spongebob Squarepants is one of the best manifestations of zen enlightenment on television. Peter Griffin and Jeff Lebowski are up there.
I'm not looking for someone who has everything in common with me - how flat would that be? It's the differences that I gravitate to. Andrew Zimmern - coolest guy on TV . . . .
Normal . . . .do you crave normal? What is normal? We all have quirks and issues. I'll ask you - how tightly do you wear your mask? Can you take it off? We all have fears. Are you informed by yours, or do they drive you around? Do you long to be a Stepford wife? Oh, yeah - compliant perfection is just sooo hot. . . . I'd have to mess your hair up or hide your glue-gun. You can keep the heels though!
I'm much funnier-looking than the guy in the pictures. I generally smell good and I am in near-complete control of my compulsion to pick my nose in public.
I love a playful smartass mentality - a sharp wit coupled with a gentle tongue. Someone who can receive happiness as well as create it. Beyond the attraction factor, when two people look at each other and think "I could hang out with them pretty much whenever," then 'bam'. Some people need to be needed but along with mutual wanting and appreciating - that's really the trifecta, isn't it?
My favorite place is the kitchen. I love to cook. Recipes aren't rules, more like 'guidlines,' arrrr! (best pirate accent). I'll just get what the basic measurements need to be and wing it - whatever it is. I love to go out, but sharing wine and just creating some hysterical or connected time is mo'better. If you're looking for an imperfect soul with whom you can be completely yourself, say hi. Wouldn't it be nice to just meet someone you're really attracted to that gets you, and encourages the intention of bucketloads of good juju on a regular basis? Me too. Really, some good conversation would be a start. My brain needs a playmate ( I was going to say that it's tired of playing with itself, but that . . . .just doesn't sound right).
Let's debate. I will destroy you in Scrabble or trivia challenges. I am a purveyor of interesting and useless information. Bring your A game. Although a deep intellect is quite sexy, it's really your approach angle to everything life has to offer that I'm interested in - especially if you can embrace my dorky soul. You need fertilizer to grow flowers in this world - it's all about which of those you choose to focus the majority of your attention. Let the Joneses race - they're just trying in vain to deal with that previous sentence.
I'm not the type that will need to control your actions or your life. Let's try the radical notion that if you start off really being yourself, with someone that you encourage the same thing in, that maybe the relationship has a better shot at being appreciated no matter what its course. If I date you for any appreciable length of time I will find out where you are ticklish and use it against you. I will meet people with cheerful and cordially compassionate charm, whilst whispering dirty jokes in your ear. I'll listen to 80's alt-punk, grunge, classical and techno in one car ride. Can you do Viktor Frankl and Monty Python in the same conversation? You rock!
Bring me a topic. Any topic. I double-dog dare you. :
I'm a fully-vested single father of four awesome growdupz, the youngest of whom (21) lives with me in the mancave (he's a pretty great roomie). I like pina coladas, but getting caught in the rain just makes me . . . . .wet.
I've been a full-time single dad since 2006, and my four awesome hooligans are all in their 20's now. I'm in reasonable shape for over 40, but not a perfection junkie (I most unequivically don't offer perfection either, wa ha). I do work out regularly but not because I like it - it's just that I used to be really big. Like, ginormous. I've already surpassed what I thought I could do with this whole physical-renovation thing, but 2015 was mostly desk-surfing so I'm playing catchup. So, if you have an abs fetish, I'll disappoint - I have a tummy that goes with the shoulders, lol. Having been on both sides of the fence I can tell you from experience that life is a lot easier and more fulfilling with a strong power-to-weight ratio - even doing nothing is more relaxing.
Movies: Huge, HUGE movie fan, but not in the "I want to sip absinthe and see an indie movie just to say I saw it" kind of way. I'm not allergic to cliches (all the stories have already been told, right?), but a lazy, overly manipulative or convenient screenplay just pisses me off. The story is paramount, but movies are a convergence of so many art forms that I can go absatively posilootely apeshit for something that looks and sounds great even if the writing is wanting (nods in the direction of James Cameron). Still, off the top of my head, some notables:
Anything by Joel and Ethan Coen - yup, pretty much anything.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
My Cousin Vinny
Dogtown and Z-Boys
The Buddha (you can see it free on PBS.com)
Anything with a hobbit, a Vulcan, Hogwarts, a guy in a supersuit, "the One", Bruce Lee, or a secret agent with a british accent (okay, Roger Moore is largely (but not entirely) disposable)
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
The Fisher King
Tarantino, Spielberg, Scorsese, Burton, Bird, Lucas (begrudgingly)
A note on stupid movies: Stupid, asinine movies are very close to my heart, but I am an idiocy gourmand. Fiinding a way to effectively molest my inner dumbshit through an entire film is deeply rare. For instance, Will Ferrell won my heart with Anchorman, but needs a bitch-slap for the majority of his catalog (I won't even talk to Mike Myers right now, but I haven't crossed him off the list). Stupid movies I love would include Office Space, Zoolander, The Hangover, Shoot 'Em Up, Idiocracy, the 40 Year Old Virgin, Chronicles of Riddick, the Fifth Element, Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead
Food: I have enjoyed the finest lobster, the gnarliest street food, and a box of marshmallow pinwheels with equal measures of near-sexual passion. Three of my four children are currently vegetarian, the most ardent of whom is dating a complete vegan. I am an unapologetic carnivore, however my "prey to seitan" recipe, as well as my vegan massaman curry, are off-the-hook. And, I might add, my peach cobbler kicks the bajeesus out of yours. So do my OMG! cookies (oatmeal maple ginger).
Sure, I could say things like honesty, balance, engaging communication, and sex -- but past history has shown that I continued to survive through times when those weren't present. (Phil slaps knee, brays like donkey, squirts coffee out nose)