31Rock Hill, United States
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My self-summary
I'm a carrot stick, wrapped in an enigma.

I'm easily distracted and excitable. I like tangents and getting lost and waffles. Just kidding. I don't like waffles.

I grew up socializing with retired people in the south. It's not my fault that they stopped caring about social protocol a long time ago. This imprinted on me. I require direct, clear communication.
Also, best to message me first, otherwise I will just stare at my essay of nonsense called a greeting and wonder if I have just completely gone insane. Don't worry, insane doesn't mean creepy and pervy, just completely disjointed and meandering. I also take forever to ask for a date, so beat me to the punch and just ask after some messaging. I promise, you have incredibly good odds of greatly pleasing me by asking.

Imagination is escape. I'm Houdini.

Weird is sexy.

I am frequently barefoot.

People say I look like Wil Wheaton. It may or may not be true.

Vanilla is best left for ice cream. It has no place in relationships.

And the boring to the point summary: I'm brand new to the Charlotte area, specifically Rock Hill. Looking to meet new people and find a companion for adventures of all shapes, sorts, and sizes.

I'm an open novella, so if you have any questions, yell at the page until you hallucinate a response. Or if you are just bored and want to distract yourself with a conversation, then that's ok too.
What I’m doing with my life
I have now dedicated my life being seduced while the song Brand New Key plays erotically in the background. I will use any means at my disposal to accomplish this goal.

Also, I'm starting my MAT program at Winthrop in the fall... So teaching stuff...?
Yeah, that. I do that sort of thing bunches. English teachers for the win!
I’m really good at
rambling, drinking, thinking, video games, making bad puns, making good puns, reading theory, cooking, throwing pies, lecturing (which is frequently the same as rambling), building, writing (on occasion, I've got skills), clowning about, constructing neologisms, other such stuff and things
The first things people usually notice about me
Most likely my Darwin's peak; I have natural elf ears. That's pretty noticeable, when my hair is short at least...

Also, I have a pocketwatch that is very shiny. People like shiny things, right?

In truth, I really have no idea what people notice first. They rarely tell me, but that may be because I never ask. Meet me, and then let me know. Inquiring web platforms apparently demand it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: House of Leaves, Still Life with Woodpecker, Snow Crash, Blithedale Romance, The Man in the High Castle, The Diamond Age, The Dark Tower Series, American Gods, Childhood's End, Starship Troopers, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Stranger in a Strange Land, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, John Dies at the End, This Book is Full of Spiders, most of Zizek's books, even though they are mostly the exact same with different examples.

Comics: Fell, Transmetropolitan, The Walking Dead (I have a Kirkman signed ed. from working at Chapel Hill comics) Preacher, Doktor Sleepless, Watchmen, Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse, Deadpool (name the series, I probably have it), Sandman, 30 Days of Night, Testament, The Umbrella Academy

Movies: Mallrats, Black Dynamite, Clue, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Videodrome, Evil Dead II, eXistenZ, Army of Darkness, Hercules, Young Frankenstein, Sin City, Blade Runner (director's cut), Planet Terror, Star Wars (original franchise), Transformers: The Animated Movie (1986, not that new crap. Screw Michael Bay), The Fifth Element, Ghostbusters, John Dies at the End

Shows: Preacher, Rick and Morty, Bob's Burgers, Penny Dreadful, Flash, Defiance, Community, Psych, Fringe, 30 Rock, Justified, Chuck, Eureka!, Warehouse 13, South Park, Archer, Constantine, Grimm, Hannibal, DaVinci's Demons, Banshee, Agents of Sheild, The Venture Bros, Archer, Spartacus (starz), Firefly (still), Supernatural, Doctor Who, and a slew of other shows that pass through my eyes that are escaping my mind at the moment. I kinda watch everything.

Top 10 Favorite Albums (in no particular order)
David Bowie - Hunky Dory
The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
Paul Simon - Graceland
They Might be Giants - Flood
Weezer- Pinkerton
Jens Lekman - You're So Silent Jens
Elvis Costello and the Attractions - Get Happy
Neil Young - Harvest
Middle Brother - Middle Brother
Of Montreal - Satanic Panic in the Attic

My specialty is Carolina style pulled pork bbq, fixins included (naturally). I also make a mean shrimp and grits.

Also, feta cheese is maybe the most amazing food ever. For some reason, I can't get enough of it. I eat it by the block. I shouldn't... but I do.
Gorgonzola is a monster cheese; it should be feared and respected.
Six things I could never do without
Comic books, novels, and short story collections (Fiction Literature)
TeleVision (includes movies, shows, and videogame [3-in-1, boosh!])
Nourishment and water, unfortunately
Theory/Philosophy and human companions to discuss it with
A wardrobe full of thrift store clothing, including stuff that I'll probably never wear but have just in case
My senses
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Love, sex, and death... so... you know... the usual
On a typical Friday night I am
These days? Same thing we do every night, Pinky.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I sleep in a nest of pillows. Like, opium den amount of pillows. It is my cuddle substitute and soft as fuck.
You should message me if
you agree with at least 2 of the following:

you want to grab a drink;
you love music from your teenage years even when it still embarasses you;
you want a unicorn;
you have an addiction to television;
you think costumes are sexy;
you need an adventuring buddy;
you like pen pals;
you think old school Nickelodeon was better;
you like sunday fundays;
you want to dress up like a clown and bar hop;
you think disruption is fun;
you have no speech filter (ie, speak before you think);
you know WAM from Wham!;
you are assertive;
you have a bizarre obsession with the Syfy channel;
you are weird as all get out and have trouble finding people who understand you;
a flying carpet just isn't classy enough for you;
you know what dragon*con is;
you think pie fights are underrated;
you are amused by cosplay;
you know what "steampunk" means;
you are tired of my listing and want to tell me off;
you like playing with makeup because you are bored;
ordinary people bore you;
my exceptionally long profile doesn't bore you;
you feel bad that girls never message guys first;
or if you just feel like it [Exception to the 2 rule, which invalidates this list, but congratulations, you've managed to finish reading this extensive profile; you deserve a cookie for literacy skills].
The two of us