Woman walks into a bar. "What'll you have?" says the bartender. "An entendre," says the woman. "Make it a double." So he gave it to her.
Gone to seed journalist falls on hard times, seeks beautiful Gypsy girl to pine over--I am Quasimodo. Be my Esmeralda?
I have a rheumatoid inflammatory condition. Thus I am unlikely to accompany you on any marathons. I will happily cheer you on, and be waiting at the finish line with a nice beverage for you as well as a big towel to wrap you in.
But I am not defined by my maladies. Just being up-front.
I've discovered that I miss being able to put my arms around someone. As that eminent philosopher Dave Attell has observed, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.
A certain lack of delicate sensibilities is something I enjoy...in everyone. People are too offended by words and not offended enough by substance.
I want to hang out with women who still think fart jokes are funny but also appreciate foreign films and French food. Women who are offended by war. Women who realize that Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin are idiots, and don't try to make excuses for them by blaming the "mainstream media".
Or more to the point, one woman. You?
I like movies very much, and music. I play several instruments badly. Art is important to me, although I am more likely to look at an unusual piece and think it is cool than stroke my beard and use words like "zeitgeist" to describe it. I don't apologize for this; there's nothing wrong with liking a piece of art because it looks cool. Just ask H.R. Giger.
Movies: Anything directed by Stanley Kubrick, Terry Gilliam, Alex Proyas, and Akira Kurosawa; or starring Shintaro Katsu, Tony Jaa, Steven Chow or Chow-Yun Fat. I am also obsessed with Louise Brooks, the silent film star.
TV Shows: Iron Chef. Top Gear. Warner Brothers cartoons (preferably pre-1950--Daffy Duck was hilarious in those days, before they made him Bugs Bunny's punching bag).
Music: Loud and nasty. I have seen Slayer nine times (huh? Speak up!). On the other hand I also like Willie Nelson. And the older I get, the more I appreciate the genius of Tom Waits.
Something to read.
Diet colas. I'm not monogamous with this. Pepsi, Coke, any of the various permutations of either.
Mount Rainier. I lived in a place where I could only see it on really clear days for a long time; back in the valley now and loving the view.
My car. I drive a giant old Lincoln Town Car that is sort of a living room on wheels. It's like a 210-horsepower Barcalounger.