Vehement atheist. Social introvert.
E2 on the Purple/Red
I spent six months of the last year in NoVA working a job I hated, trying to make enough to go bankrupt, hoping to reclaim my autonomy post-breakup-from-hell. The plan didn't pan out. The company kept messing with my pay schedule, and the roommate situation took a nose dive from inconsiderate to "fuck this," so now I am headed back to Hanover, PA.
I am getting better at accepting help, but I'm also embarrassed that I let a former partner financially cripple me. The situation that originally brought me to PA, last February, was couched in a lot of shame and failure. My ex got drunk one night, and beat the shit out of me. I moved out, even though I couldn't really afford to, and then I lost my job, and I didn't know how to rally out of the worst depressive episode of my adult life.
My parents tried to convince me the first time around that it was alright to need some time to rebuild, but I pushed to be out on my own ASAP, and rushing towards work and roommates in NoVA ended disastrously.
The game plan for this interim back at home is to take better care of myself, both physically and emotionally. I've always had jobs that burn me out and leave no space for balance or travel. I'm hoping to figure out a path (work, school, or otherwise) that leads to more professional satisfaction.
Reading an entire series and not remembering the main character's name.
Using anything as an excuse to hideout with the pup, and a book.
Taking the bull by the horns.
Not letting chronic depression kill me.
You will never starve while dating me (I feed people when I like them.)
I'm non-religious, but Heinlein and Vonnegut are sort of my patron saints of rational thought. I like how quietly hopeful each of them makes me feel, despite their calling out society, in all its shitty glory.
I'm amending this to the six things I could never do without in a relationship:
Mutual respect and care. (Is that two? Whatever.)
Direct, honest, frequent communication. (Passive aggressive men make me bonkers. I don't want to be bonkers. I want to feel like you trust and respect me enough to be honest about how and why you feel the way you feel. I like hearing from the person I'm dating. If you go radio silent for a few days, unexpectedly, especially after we've met in person, I'm interpreting it as, "he's not that into me.")
A lot of touch time. (Sexual and non-sexual.) Cuddles, bro. I'm a hand holder. Not so much into PDA like public makeout sessions, but I love your hand on the small of my back walking through a crowd, or sitting on the same side of the table so my leg touches yours. If you don't like casual, non-sexual touch, I'm not the right girl. Also, I am high drive. If I'm dating you, and we like each other enough to get naked, I want to get naked. Real life makes schedules tough, but absent of outside obligations, I aim for at least daily sex.
Follow through. This ties back to direct and honest communication, but deserves its own point. False promises kill me. I have a hard time letting someone else "help," ever. So if I trust in your help, and you bail and don't deliver, it crushes me.
A partner who isn't looking for a maid or his mom. I deeply appreciate it when you show up, and contribute. Want to rev me up in a hurry? Surprise me with dinner ready when I get home from work. I'll help with the dishes, and you won't have to worry about dessert!
Alone, together time. Sometimes, it's a blast to meet up with different friends, explore the city, try new restaurants, hike, whatever. Realistically, though, I want to actually enjoy the relationship time spent in the downtime between big plans and socializing. I need *a lot* of book/puppy/partner cuddle time. Play a video game. Read next to me. Dick around on Reddit. I appreciate "doing our own thing in the same room" time.
Sex, love, and relationship dynamics.
How to avoid filling a role or being a hole, instead of being appreciated as myself in my future relationships.
What my ideal routine looks like and how to implement it in my daily life.
The varied manifestions of my crazy.
Me: I am buried under two blankets, wearing sweatpants and an exercise top, no makeup, and glasses. Hibernation mode in full effect. Instead of "human"-ing, today, I have accomplished "cat." I would love to have my hair petted while I read my book, but I'm equally likely to resent any company beyond the pup, and might also bite the hand that pets me.
It's not you, it's me deciding I prefer my dog's company to yours. Promise.
Clever gets a conversation.